Surnames

[jellybelly85]

My DP and I are expecting baby #1 in June. We're unmarried - that might change in the future - but I don't think either of us would change our surnames as a result. We're currently looking at different options to include both our surnames for baby.

I'm considering having one surname as a middle name and the other as a surname. But the question is which one do we put where?

There seems to be a convention of using dad's surname. Some argue it's more difficult for dads to convince others of their parental rights if they don't share the same surname (e.g. travelling, hospital appointments...etc). However the feminist in me thinks that's not a good enough reason to prioritise his name over mine!

We both have to spell our surnames out for people (neither are particularly common or apparently easy to spell). Mine has one syllable and his has 3. Double-barrelling would be quite a mouthful so not something we're considering...

Have any MNers been in a similar position and care to share their advice?

Someone always posts that question on these threads, too, BackForGood, and those of us who have given our children double barrelled names usually say 'it's their name they can do what they like with it' or 'perhaps the DH will take his father's part of the surname, and his DW her mother's, sort of like on Iceland, or maybe they will follow the Spanish way, or use one in its entirety, or make up a new name...'

But we as mothers and MILs (and DPs and DHs) who have decided not to just follow the patriarchal tradition without question will not be putting pressure on them and refusing to use whatever name they choose on Christmas card envelopes