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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Changing name

30 replies

Marisabel · 03/02/2016 22:22

Hello, everyone! I'm in very bad situation. I named my child with name I didn't like. After I started panicking and added middle name, just something what flows good with first name.
And now I'm dont't know what to do. Last few months been horrible for me.I cant sleep at nights, at day Im sleeping and cryin-feeling so gilty for my daughter. If someone ask her name, I just pretend I didn't hear. When other poeople at babygroup say her name-I really dislike sound of it. There is no options for nicknames as name it very short. I think I will end up at GP with depression prescription. Some days are not so bad, but sometimes I feeling like I'm going mad.
Any advice? Would you be brave enough and would change name?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MyBigFatGreekYoghurt · 03/02/2016 22:24

Yes absolutely you can change birth certificate any time under 12 months. Do you have a new name that you're set on? Only you don't want to change it and then end up not liking new one too

If there is a new name that you LOVE its worth doing but otherwise i'd keep the old name and hope it grew on me (sounds like that's not happening tho)

honeysucklejasmine · 03/02/2016 22:25

If your partner doesn't mind, just change it. She won't remember.

FATEdestiny · 03/02/2016 22:26

How old is your baby?

GloriaHotcakes · 03/02/2016 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Marisabel · 03/02/2016 22:32

I alread ammended bc, so only option is Deed poll. She is over the year. Can't believe I've let this happen:(

OP posts:

quicklydecides · 03/02/2016 22:33

Is it possible that the name is not the problem, it is a symptom of the problem. You sound depressed my dear.
Are you eating?
Are you sleeping?
Do you have good family support?

Original poster

Marisabel · 03/02/2016 22:41

I have few names what I like, but I'm scared my daughter will hate me, if I change. And I'm not sure what to do with middle name-get rid of it and move current name as middle? I'm thinking too much nd it's getting just worst.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 03/02/2016 22:43

I alread ammended bc, so only option is Deed poll

Are you wanting to change the name back to the original name? Or a new, third name?

I agree with PP. Is this a symptom of a mental health issue?

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/02/2016 22:45

I think quickly may have a point here.

NanaNina · 03/02/2016 22:48

Just change it - your baby won't remember. I registered my son with a name I liked at the time but a few weeks later I went off it - so changed it to something else. It became a family joke because it did cause a few problems for him over the years because the first name was on his birth certificate. If names are discussed he will say something like "I've got a good idea, register it as one name then call him something different."

I think you're getting yourself tied up in knots about this and it's not necessary. Just change the name to something you like and ask the GP surgery to change the name on their record. Anyone can call themselves anything they like!

Why would your daughter hate you because you changed her name. There are lots of things to stress about in being a parent but this isn't one of them!

Missindesicive · 03/02/2016 22:55

What's the name if you don't mind me asking?

Original poster

Marisabel · 03/02/2016 23:00

I did't like the first name, and then around 5 months I added middle name. It didn't help. Even made it worse. I know it is ridicilous. My partner says I'm making drama, leave it and let her decide. But if I really, really want, then I can change.
I tottaly agree about symptoms-I know what it is.

OP posts:

Pipilangstrumpf · 04/02/2016 14:20

By what name are you calling your daughter? You say she is over 12 months so she will probably recognise her name.

I would agree that you might benefit from seeing a gp and see if other issues other than your dd's name are causing you problems.

Original poster

Marisabel · 04/02/2016 15:29

I avoid to call her by name-usually baby, darling, honey..Sometimes I'm calling her by name, but it is very difficult for me. My oldest child call her baby.
NanaNina-and what about school, what nam your son using at school, why didn't you changed it leggaly?

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/02/2016 15:57

I would just leave it now to be honest.

She isn't a pet, she's a child who will know her name even if you don't call her it personally. What do you say if someone asks what her name is face to face?

3luckystars · 04/02/2016 15:58

Do you like the middle name? Just use that if you do.
If you also now hate the middle name, then maybe you are just a person who "goes off" names after a certain period and you just have to ride it out.

If you like the middle name, use that. There is nothing to be upset about AT ALL. Its no problem to change a name, whenever you do it.

3luckystars · 04/02/2016 16:16

Please don't be upset, lots of people change their names, even as adults so we can help you sort this out... so just to be sure what happened.

So for example, you gave your daughter the name "Mary" but didn't really like it. 5 months later, you still didn't like it so you added the name "Kate" to make it "Mary-Kate" but you still do not like it and cannot warm to it a year on. This is causing you to worry and be upset, and now you cannot amend the birthcert because you have already done so.

Do you want to change her name completely now? Do you love any names that you think might suit her? If so then just do it and worry about the paperwork later on.

Original poster

Marisabel · 04/02/2016 17:42

I know it is nonsenss, but at baby groups I stay a side from other mums and pretend I'm watching kids playing, or looking phone, book... If someone ask her name, I pretend I did't hear. It horrible, horrible situation.
And no-one knows her middle name, just child tax people.
I might leave it, but how to live with nam you hate, it maks me so angry with myself. If I leave it, I hope she will change it herself, but I'm worried she will be teased because of her name. I love my first childs name and always proud to say.
How often you should use BC for your child? I used my maybe 2 times in my adult life, last time 15 years ago. But how it is in UK?

OP posts:

Babymamamama · 04/02/2016 17:44

Change it if you feel that strongly.

3luckystars · 04/02/2016 19:51

Just change it. It's not the end of the world, just do it, it will all work out.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/02/2016 20:13

How does your partner feel about changing her name?

Surely it can't be changed if he doesn't agree and is on the birth certificate?

What is the name?

regularbutpanickingabit · 05/02/2016 14:39

You poor thing, it sounds like you are in an absolute state about this.

OK, nothing is worth isolating yourself from other mums just because you can't bear to tell them her name. Nothing is worth sleepless nights, constant crying and such angst.

If it really is her name that is the root of all this misery then you need to have another honest conversation with your partner and see if you can change it. Or agree that you will call her something else, even if her official name stays as it is for now. Lot's of people have their 'real' name and the name they are known as. It won't be the end of the world.

Having said that, it doesn't sound like you have an alternative you particularly want and are just as worried about getting it 'wrong' a second/third time. I can promise you, your baby won't hate you!

However, do you think this name situation is a symptom of something else? You sound desperately upset and fixated on something that really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. It might be a good idea to show your posts to your GP or health visitor and see if perhaps you need some other support. It's not unheard of for some form of PND to manifest itself in an obsession with a situation like this.

I mean that kindly and you sound so wretched. I just hope you can get some support.

allegretto · 05/02/2016 15:46

I wanted to change my daughter's name but couldn't as where I live you cannot change names! Luckily I now love it but it took a few years. I agree that it sounds like the name isn't the real problem here. I know someone who changed her son's name when she was suffering from PND so it does happen. I hope you can get some help.

elor11 · 05/02/2016 16:14

Change it. You sound miserable. Pick a new name. And call her it. People who know will maybe think it's odd, then will get used to it. Say your oldest couldn't say her name properly or another simple excuse if need be.

MiddleClassProblem · 05/02/2016 16:20

I had two friends growing up from different friendship circles who both were called their middle names rather than their first names. One I didn't know it wasn't her birth first name until we met as adults and she had decided to use it from Uni onwards.

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