Polite ways of not answering the "What baby name are you thinking of?" question

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Apologies if this has been asked before. I'm expecting PFB in 2 weeks, and have noticed an increase in people asking what name we've "chosen". I try not to answer by saying "Oh, we have a couple in mind..." and change the subject, but twice recently I've had people persist and ask what the name is, so I've had to bluntly say we're not telling people. Is there a more polite way to deflect and shut down the question?

I tried to Google, thinking there would be loads of articles about this but can't find anything...

I used to just say we hadn't decided yet.
And sometimes I would tell them a name we definitely wouldn't be using: "I really liked but DH hated it", or "DH suggested but I think it's a bit much!" (DH suggested some truly awful names, so mentioning one of those would almost certainly make the conversation descend into hilarity) and they would forget to inquire further into the actual shortlist.

"We're naming him/her after you."

I'd go for faux shock and say:

"Name? We have to name it?"

Some great responses here

This may out me to people I've told this story to, but lljkk we started off telling everyone, until we got the comment "we know someone with that name, she's a drug addict". Made me so annoyed I figured it was better to keep quiet than risk another stupid comment and me reflexively punching someone in the face.

It's not all mums, sadly!

I tend to tell people names that are low down the list. But with DS 2. The name we chose wasn't on the list. None of the list names were right.

It's pretty rude some hassling you. Right up there with when family insisted we tell them the sex. We didn't know

Er new year why would that be a joke

Make up a couple of names. "We quite like Louise or Michael but I change my mind every two minutes. How did you choose your children's names?"

Just a warning, but if you don't test-drive the names on anyone, you risk being one of those parents who saddles their kid with a name that has a "problem" that never occurred to either of you!

Just say " no, don't have any picked yet"
Saying its a secret is just making them curious, I'm sure they don't really care what name you pick (unless they are pregnant too) and are just making conversation.

I think mostly people just want to talk about themselves, so its the easiest way to change the subject. "what names do you like? who were you
Named after?, did you have a list before you had your baby?"

You are spot on to not tell anyone your names, so just keep changing the subject is my advice. Good luck!

We said 'Spartacus Velociraptor for a boy' (stolen from another thread on here - fabulous name!) or Clytemnestra Mercedes for a girl.
Then I would take the opportunity to road test a couple of our 'possibles' - but we genuinely hadnt decided at that point.

I just said that we had a list, and were going to see what fit, but weren't telling anyone any of them because a) we'd be crushed if we could tell they didn't like them and b) we think that the moment of announcing a new baby's name is so special and we don't want to spoil it.

I just said we weren't telling people before baby was born. No-one ever batted an eyelid about it.

If they're rude enough to persist after you give the generic "a few we're thinking of" answer then it's okay to be blunt and say you're not telling people. It's a pretty standard thing I think? Dunno why people are so rude to pester you about it!

Just say "we're keeping it a secret!" My friend said "We want the baby to be the first to know" which was a bit twee, but also sweet.

No need to be rude or dismissive. Why would you be, when there's no need? People are just being interested/friendly/nice/making idle conversation.

Just a warning, but if you don't test-drive the names on anyone, you risk being one of those parents who saddles their kid with a name that has a "problem" that never occurred to either of you!

You mean like she might turn out to be a drug addict, that kind of problem? My husband and I are both intelligent educated people, I think we'd work out if her initials were going to spell "T-W-A-T" or her name vaguely sounded like "bumhole" when paired with DH's surname.

Bert I'm not aiming for rude or dismissive, but after trying to politely deflect and having people ask again, I want to avoid the "We're not saying" and "Oh."

"You mean like she might turn out to be a drug addict, that kind of problem? My husband and I are both intelligent educated people, I think we'd work out if her initials were going to spell "T-W-A-T" or her name vaguely sounded like "bumhole" when paired with DH's surname."

Well... I am an intelligent person too, but there were two names that I and my DH ended up ruling out because when we suggested it to people, people pointed out problems of the kind that made me slap my hand to my forehead and say, oh my GOD, I am glad someone pointed that out to me. It happens. Do a search on here for "baby name regret" or whatever and you'll see what I mean!

We were just honest and said "we're not sharing names until the baby is here". No one took a problem with that. We just didn't want anybody else's input or opinions.
But I am at some of the suggestions here, I wish I'd reeled out a random/made up/awful name!

when we suggested it to people, people pointed out problems of the kind that made me slap my hand to my forehead and say, oh my GOD, I am glad someone pointed that out to me.

Example?

"Not a clue; we're going to wait until he/she comes out and hopefully inspiration will hit. What names do you like?"

Because basically people just want to give an opinion, and any old opinion will do

Oooh, DD, that's excellent!

If they are rude and pushy and don't accept your FIRST answer about not saying, then why are you going to the effort of trying to be nice and polite to them?

They clearly don't respect you enough to accept your answer. Just be blunt and don't worry about it. If they are worth having as friends they'll get over it.

I personally don't see the need in having 'mummy friends' for the sake of having 'mummy friends' if they are hard work or require you to bend over backwards to be nice to them if they don't respect you point of view.

Friends are only really worth having if its a mutually beneficial and pleasant arrangement.

I've searched baby name regret and all I can see are people whinging about they liked the name when they chose it but don't now. What am I missing?

I just went with "No idea, DH is completely set on so I'm just working on getting some alternatives for him to consider"

As DerelictD said, they just want to give an opinion and establish if you are like them [ie like normal well used names or the more offbeat Fifi Trixiebelle style ones]

We only mentioned the ones that we had discarded. One was my favourite but combined with our surname it sounded very similar to a person of history that we would rather not be connected with.
As it was, when we announced DD1's name BIL managed to come up with some completely vile rhyming slang immediately. He's never said it since

Ophelia Richards [Otherwise known throughout school as "Oi feel yar Dick]
There's an Irish racehorse trainer I think who was christened William Stroker later shortened to Willie.....
Mysty Hyman [American swimmer]