Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you use the same name as a friend's child?

42 replies

cornwallsharon · 04/09/2015 14:39

I'm really struggling to find names that I like, but the one I love more than any other is the name of a friend's child. We arent BEST friends but we see each other (and our kids) quite often so would it be weird to use their child's name?

If it were something popular like Thomas or Amelia I wouldnt worry too much, but whilst its not a 'weird' name I've not come across any others called it...

And would you discuss it with your friend in advance?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/09/2015 14:42

You'll probably be told "no one owns a name" and told you should use it. If I were you I would use it, if my friend was ok about it.

manicinsomniac · 04/09/2015 15:28

If it was either a close friend or a friend I saw often I probably wouldn't, to be honest. There's no rule against it, I'd just feel awkward. But maybe that's because not very many of my friends have children so all the children have their 'own' name and I just can't imagine anybody 'taking' one, iyswim.

However, it's up to you. I'd ask your friend and, if she's fine about it, go for it.

WhispersOfWickedness · 04/09/2015 15:38

If you are close, I would ask your friend and make sure she knows she can be honest if she doesn't like the thought. If I was the friend, I would be very flattered and happy for you to use the names of my DC, but I know a lot of people feel differently.

Qwertybynature · 04/09/2015 15:43

It wouldn't bother me if someone used my ds's name but other people get incredibly pissed off over it. I wouldn't use a name of a friend's child because I like an easy life and can't be bothered with the drama that is sure to follow. There's enough names to choose from.

How much do you love the name and how much do you value your friendship with this person?

CelestiaLuna · 04/09/2015 15:45

No i wouldn't.
There are enough names out there to choose from.

XCChamps · 04/09/2015 15:55

No I wouldn't, as others have said no-one owns a name etc but the reality is your friend is likely to be at least a little bit put out, especially if she's managed to find a fairly unique name.

My main reason though would be that in that circle of friends, your DC won't be known by that name, they'll end up with a nickname to avoid confusion, or (worse) go through life being known as "little" Johnny, or Johnny 2

zippyswife · 04/09/2015 18:06

Ds has a very uncommon name (barely in top 500) a good friend asked if she could use ds' name. I told her our friendship would be over if she did as I own the name. Only kidding. I told her to go ahead. I found it flattering if anything and I can't see any issue in it. I also told her she needn't have checked with me first. Go ahead snd use whatever name you like.

GloriousGoosebumps · 04/09/2015 18:06

I wouldn't, your friend has managed to achieve what many parents hope to do which is to find a unique name which is actually a proper name and not of the "Apple" or "North" variety. Instead of simply copying her child's name why don't you hit the Name books again, there are probably lots of names you overlooked.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 04/09/2015 18:08

My mum and her best friend were pregnant at the same time yet I was born first and therefore named first. When best friend had a second child she was given my name. Mum and friend are still very good friends (36 years) and god parent to the first set of children.

FunkyPeacock · 04/09/2015 18:15

For me it would depend on a couple of things

Do you live local to this friend? (eg. same town/village) - if no then I see no reason why not to use the name

If friend is local then the age of her child would probably affect my decision - if child already over 3 then I would say ok to use the name as your child is unlikely to be in same friendship group, clubs, sports teams etc so can't see how them having same name would be a problem

If she is local AND child is still a baby/toddler then no I don't think I would use the name

StormCoat · 04/09/2015 18:38

I would find it deeply unappealing to give my child a name that is already the name of a child in his/her circle. Wouldn't it feel quite secondhand?

Miffyonline · 04/09/2015 18:47

One of the couples we met at our nct class had a baby a few weeks before us and chose the name we chose for our little one. We didn't change our mind though and still meet up often, no problem

TerryTylerlikesaTiger · 04/09/2015 18:53

My daughter has a very unusual name, chosen for its meaning - I'd be delighted if any of my friends used it. 'Tis am affirmation if it being a cool name if nothing else!

Burnet · 04/09/2015 18:55

No I wouldn't. Unless my friend's child was over the age of ten maybe.

SueGeneris · 04/09/2015 19:01

I did this. I asked my friend if she would mind very much and she said she wouldn't mind at all. It was truly the only boys name I liked. Her DS is 2 years older than mine though and also he only goes by the nickname version of the name whereas we use the long version, like Charlie and Charles or Danny and Daniel.

I hope she is ok with it and was honest!

Indantherene · 04/09/2015 19:04

I went to a lot of trouble to find uncommon names for our DC. I would have been rather upset had someone deliberately used the same name if we were then going to be in the same places.

You haven't said how old your friend's child is but if there is a chance they'll end up in the same class or the same Brownies/swimming/dance class etc then no, don't use the name.

MamaLazarou · 04/09/2015 19:26

No way. A name is supposed to identify you.

Lottiedaydreambeliever2014 · 04/09/2015 19:34

I would, but check first. My mum's friend named her son the same as my brother, they just got 'big' and 'little' before their names, which is quite nice in family/friend circles.
I wouldn't mind if a friend used the same name, unless they would be in the same class at the same school.

Wishful80smontage · 04/09/2015 19:41

I wouldn't I've ruled out Names as friends/family have used them. If it was something really popular and you didn't see friend often then it would be ok but if its not in top 50 I wouldn't do it.

RockingStones · 04/09/2015 19:48

My dad had 2 cousins with the same unusual name with same unusual spelling. There was a bit of a falling out between the two mothers who were sisters and a barney about who chose the name first. Be warned.

daisydalrymple · 04/09/2015 19:50

I think it depends on whether it was a name you had always had in mind to use anyway, before she named her dc? Or do you just like it since she has chosen it? If youve always liked it, then just be honest and tell her. (I personally wouldn't 'ask' if I could use it if I'd chosen it independently of her using it).

I really do want to know what this name is though

campervan67 · 04/09/2015 19:55

Hmm. My DD has quite an unusual name and I think I would feel a bit weird if a close friend used it. But I would certainly never say anything. On the flip side, if it was a new name I hadn't thought of before, I wouldn't use an unusual name that a friend used, I think the fact that I already knew a child with that name would make it less.special for me, if that makes sense! But that's just me. I totally agree nobody owns a name! And actually, I was so set on DD's name, that even if my sister, best friend and entire nct group had used it, I still would have!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/09/2015 20:01

No I wouldn't, personally. Yes no one owns a name granted but surely all children should have their unique names. There are lots of names out there. I'm certain you can think of something else.

MamehaSan · 04/09/2015 20:01

We did. It was our favourite name, but we kept others on the list so that we could decide when DS was born. After the trauma of his difficult arrival, we couldn't imagine calling him anything else. Our friends were made up and congratulated us on our good taste.

I say if you love the name, go for it.

Bythepath · 04/09/2015 20:08

My DD1 has a fairly rarely used but well known name. 3 months after she was born friends of ours who we see regularly through my oh's sports team said they hadn't thought if the name till we named DD1 it but they loved it and wanted to use it too. I was flattered she had asked and honestly couldn't care less, they have both just turned 5 and I have only ever met 1 other with the name.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread