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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Would you use the same name as a friend's child?

42 replies

cornwallsharon · 04/09/2015 14:39

I'm really struggling to find names that I like, but the one I love more than any other is the name of a friend's child. We arent BEST friends but we see each other (and our kids) quite often so would it be weird to use their child's name?

If it were something popular like Thomas or Amelia I wouldnt worry too much, but whilst its not a 'weird' name I've not come across any others called it...

And would you discuss it with your friend in advance?

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HerRoyalNotness · 04/09/2015 20:15

I asked a friend this with DC3, if I could use her DS3s name as I'd always liked it. She didn't have a problem with it. I would have been if she had, as her DS1 has the same name as our DS1! (her DS1 is the younger)

Always best to talk about it, and if they say no, then don't use it!

DelphiniumBlue · 04/09/2015 20:19

My best friend used a name I loved, and I felt I couldn't use it for DS1 ( born 3 years later) but by the time DS3 was born (12 years younger than her DS) it was OK.

GooseFriend · 04/09/2015 20:24

No I wouldn't. If you're hanging out with her and others fairly often it will look like you've named your kid after hers especially as it's unusual. It might be one thing if it was a v common name (in the top 10) but if this is the only child of this name you know it does look a bit copying.

I also would be pissed off. If that makes me shallow I don't care. I worked hard to fine normal but uncommon names and a friend picking the same would feel v weird to me.

JanuaryJuniper · 04/09/2015 20:35

I would be really really annoyed tbh whether that is reasonable or not it would be how I would feel.

There are so many names out there it is really unnecessary to use the same name.

YeOldeTrout · 04/09/2015 20:44

Probably yes.
If you called your child same as my-unusual-child's-name, my response would be "What fantastic taste you have!"

PurpleSkyatthewateringhole · 04/09/2015 20:51

Can you look the name up and find other versions?

SmugairleRoin · 04/09/2015 21:33

Unless you actually invent the name yourself, no name is unique.

I'd say go for it op but I feel your friend might be upset (imo would be unreasonable but anyway) so maybe talk to her before you do.

looki · 05/09/2015 01:19

I'm guessing you only thought of the name because your friend has a child of that name? I wouldn't use it. There are enough names out there and for all those saying why run it past the friend to see if she minds - do you honestly think that is a fair position to put her in. She can hardly refuse regardless of how much she may be seething inwardly. Don't do it OP. There are plenty of other names. Pick one of those instead.

RockinHippy · 05/09/2015 01:38

An old friend did use DDs very uncommon name & even the NN we used when she was tiny, for her second DD. She always said she loved the name & DD too & wish she had thought of it for her DD1 - at the time we were very flattered, friend was moving away so it wasn't a big issue in that way, but she was famous & there was a worry it would start a trend.

Thankfully she dropped out of the limelight & that didn't happen. DD now prefers to use her longer name & doesn't remember her NN at
all & old friends DD still uses NN - we rarely see them these days anyway - but DD loves that she has a namesake & we really don't mind at all, it's rather a compliment :)

Another couple we used to see when out with DD also named their baby after DD too & again it's a compliment

I might not have felt that if it suddenly became very common as a result though

catsrus · 05/09/2015 01:50

I really don't get the issue - I was given the same name as my parents best friends' dd. it's not a common name, either now or 60yrs ago when we were born. It never bothered either of us. Ironically there was only one other person in my school with the name and we were in the same class . It's still my name no matter how many other people have it. My uniqueness as a person isn't located in the name my parents gave me

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/09/2015 02:45

I used the same name for DS1 as one of my friends - her DS is older than mine by several years, and we don't see each other frequently, but it never even crossed my mind that it would be an issue. When we're talking we just say "My X" and "your X" to differentiate which X we're talking about.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/09/2015 14:17

I wouldn't use it.

scatterthenuns · 05/09/2015 15:23

Talk to them about it first. Don't just surprise them with it. That's a bit cruel.

CruCru · 05/09/2015 18:02

I think it's surprising how homogeneous people in the same area can be. I know loads of kids who have the same name.

I say, if it is Matilda then fair enough. If it Octavia then think again.

Pipilangstrumpf · 09/09/2015 12:45

I wouldn't - she is your best friend, you see each other often and you want to name your child excactly the same as her child?

Names exist so people can be identified and for that reason I would work a little harder to find a name for your child rather than just copying your friend's choice. There are so many lovely names to choose one!

Raines100 · 09/09/2015 14:11

I don't understand why people would be put out by this. I don't believe that anyone would choose the same name as their friend to spite the friend. You're naming your child and will choose the best name you can possibly think of. No one's name is unique, so that argument doesn't stand. The kids will grow up and live separate lives. It will only matter for a tiny number of years in the grand scheme of things. You're not kids at school, copying each other's answer sheets. Hopefully your friend is a big enough not to get offended.

chrome100 · 09/09/2015 14:43

I would - no one owns a name! Growing up, lots of us kids had the same names of each other despite our parents being friends. We don't even see each other any more.

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