Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

AIBU to consider this name?

59 replies

HamFace · 11/06/2015 18:39

Too wimpy to post in actual AIBU but...

DH and I are really struggling to agree on a name for our very soon to arrive DS.

We have one name that we both really like - goes well with our surname and chosen middle name.- top 20ish name but not overly used where we live...all great...except...
A good friend of mine called her DS this who was still born at 24weeks gestation. I've tentatively brought it up with her & she said about how she has no ownership of the name & although she may feel sad it could be sort of nice. But I really don't know if she is just being nice!! Confused I would really hate to upset her & her family, and worry that our mutual friends might think I was a bit of a dick choosing the same name. But I really really like it! I really don't know what to do ð??? so oh wise mumsnet - be brutal...would it be ok and almost 'in honour of' or is it a total no go?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
fakenamefornow · 11/06/2015 20:03

No way would I use it, I think actually these are the only times when somebody DOES own a name.

To answer somebody up thread who asked if you'd use it if her child had lived, I would have and if she didn't like it she'd just have to get over herself, but her child didn't live. Find another name.

lilivonshtupp · 11/06/2015 20:04

Don't worry, Hamface, just look at the thread about 'close call' names - names you loved at the time but didn't use - to see that your love for a name isn't completely set in stone!

SirVixofVixHall · 11/06/2015 20:05

I really wouldn't do this. I think it is rather heartless to be brutally honest. I'm sure you have just got carried away with your excitement about your imminent arrival, and pregnancy can make one rather inward looking , but I think you would really regret it. If you care about your friend then why risk causing her any added pain? It would be different if you were a family member and it was an "in memory of" name. (I am named in memory of my mother's cousin who died at 15, but my name is slightly different for this reason). But under the circs ? No.

PunkAssMoFo · 11/06/2015 20:06

I wouldn't expect a friend of mine to do this, nor would I do it to them. Just because she has gone on to have another child, it doesn't make the pain & heartache of having a still born any less. Why would you want to cause her any more distress. There are countless other names to choose from, I think you should let this one go.

Original poster
HamFace · 11/06/2015 20:12

I don't want to cause any distress hense asking the question! I honestly didn't know if it would be ok or not, but I have my answer now so will just have to find another name. I'm honestly not a horrible person! :-(

OP posts:
Yellowbird01 · 11/06/2015 20:15

Definitely not ok to use.

If you tell us what the name was we can make some new suggestions?

PunkAssMoFo · 11/06/2015 20:16

Good call op. I'm sure you will find a name that's even more perfect & wonderful.

DixieNormas · 11/06/2015 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HamFace · 11/06/2015 20:35

Didn't want to out myself but reckon there would be enough detail to guess anyway...
The name was Oscar though DH wanted Oskar.
We both quite like Arthur but my mum has previously commented that I had an great uncle called that who was very dull Hmm not that that matters at all really. Other suggestions will be very welcome. I like names that can have shortened versions. Thank you for sorting me out!

OP posts:
lilivonshtupp · 11/06/2015 20:41

Kaspar/Casper?

PunkAssMoFo · 11/06/2015 20:41

Austin
Caspar
Arnold...

Original poster
HamFace · 11/06/2015 20:43

I love Caspar but DH says no... He likes either quite traditional...or very random ones that I hate!
I

OP posts:
nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 11/06/2015 20:54

I wouldn't use either.

how about
Oliver
Dexter
Zachary

all pretty traditional but 'cool' nicknames Smile personally we liked names that couldn't be shortened.

BreadmakerFan · 11/06/2015 20:58

I think the issue is your tagging on the in honour of almost as an after thought. That is more disrespectful than using the name is.

ragged · 11/06/2015 20:59

I would take my friend at face value if she said she didn't mind me using it.
Can't stand this mind-reading stuff.
I might ask a few more times to be sure.

BreadmakerFan · 11/06/2015 21:01

Arthur is a fabulous name and I say that as someone who has difficult connotations with the name.

if you really want Oscar could it be the second middle name?

Doilooklikeatourist · 11/06/2015 21:08

I think you should call your baby whichever name you like best
It's very sad for your friend to lose her baby son , but that doesn't mean the name is taboo for everyone else

RedToothBrush · 11/06/2015 21:11

I think the biggest question I'd have is, is it a name you merely like or is it a name which has special importance to you?

The name has special importance to your friend. If you don't have that and its 'just a nice name' I think you have to find another name you like. If its special, for example a family name then you could use it.

My suspicious is that its just a name you like though, and you could find another that'd be as special to you in time.

thewomaninwhitefluffybunnyears · 11/06/2015 21:12

I really wouldn't and I speak as someone who has lost a DD. It is unbearably hard and not something you can understand unless you have walked that path. I am five years on and DD's death has defined my life, truly. I am glad that you have been so thoughtful about your friend.

Oscar is a beautiful name and I can see why you are torn. I have no suggestions as we are a girl only household, I found boys names really tricky. Hope others can help.

Original poster
HamFace · 11/06/2015 21:24

notcutsnobutts I like all of your suggestions but DH not keen & we have too many little Olivers around in friends/family ATM.
I have spoken to my friend again and she has said she wouldn't mind us using it but did seem relieved when I said we won't. Arthur is becoming more of a favourite now I've completely ruled out Oscar. I like the 'king Arthur' link and apparently it means bear? I like bears!

OP posts:
Toadsrevisited · 11/06/2015 21:31

similar names:
Wilfred
jasper
rufus
tobias

Belazu84 · 11/06/2015 21:31

Arthur is lovely! Much prefer it. And I think you made the right decision x

DefinitelyMaybeBaby · 11/06/2015 21:32

Arthur is great. The two Oscars I know have brothers called Milo and Lucas, if that helps at all.

BigGlasses · 11/06/2015 22:05

I think the fact that you 'can't' have a name makes you want it more if you see what I mean? There were some names such as Ross and Rosie that I really loved but couldn't have due to surname. Just made me want them more.

I think Arthur is a lovely name

ImSoCoolNow · 11/06/2015 22:12

Our name for DD2 would have been Oscar. For DD3 she would have been Evan and for DC4 Oscar is nowhere near our shortlist. Yes you like it now but you may not in the future there are so many names to choose from that you'll find another and it will suit your DS perfectly. Our tastes have changed so much over the years re: names

Swipe left for the next trending thread