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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Would you give your child the same name as one of your parents?

52 replies

Strangerthingshavehappened · 24/08/2014 17:21

I have just found out I am expecting a baby girl. Since I have been a child, when I imagined having a daughter she always had my Mum's name. It is a beautiful name, classic, not overly popular but not completely unhead of.

What is worrying me is that because it isn't heard too often, particularly amongst my DM's age group where you rarely meet another, it is very much 'her' name. It has become quite popular in the name charts in recent years, although never above top 50 as far as I know and has now fallen out of top 100.

My DM would be honoured that I chose her name so this isn't a problem but part of me feels that I should give my dd her 'own' original name (in the sense that noone in our family has it) and I get a nagging feeling that I should think of something original and that it isn't fresh. The problem with this is that I can't get anywhere near a name I like as much and constantly compare any I think of to this one.

I have considered using it as a middle name but it is such a beautiful name imo that it seems wasted.

Your thoughts please?

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cosysocks · 24/08/2014 17:24

DS has same name as my DF, didn't name him after him iyswim just my dad has a lovely name that I really liked. My dad was chuffed as anything.

Lunastarfish · 24/08/2014 17:28

How about choosing a middle name with your mums name that can be swapped around i.e. something like Phoebe Eloise/Eloise Phoebe then just see what she looks like when she is born.

I like family names and if you like the name that much, I wouldn't worry about 'owning' a name. I probably wouldn't have my father's name Brian, but I like Ryan so I may choose that in the future. It is rare that someone will never meet anyone else with the same name at some point in their life and I would imagine your daughter would be happy to have her grandmother's name.

dyslexicdespot · 24/08/2014 17:30

I'm named after my grandmother. We have a very unusual name. It was quite popular when my grandmother was born but has since fallen off the charts.

I have always loved sharing a name with her. It made me feel very special as a child, like we had an extraordinary bond. Of course, the main reason I love my name is because I love(d) her so much. She was a remarkable woman.

clobobo · 24/08/2014 17:31

If you love the name I say go for it. I wouldn't worry about not giving her her own identity, I think it's a really lovely gesture.

Congratulations by the way :)

BackforGood · 24/08/2014 17:32

No, I wouldn't. As you say, I think each new person is a new person in their own right. Obviously names get used over and over again, but I wouldn't want to use a name from close family as it does sort of put pressure on them....sorry, that's not the right wording, but my mind has gone blank - I just like the idea there are no expectations upon a new person.
I'd use it as a middle name.

Muskey · 24/08/2014 17:34

It's a thing in my family we are all named after members of the family. As a result we have several jacks and as many Patrick. I even named dd after her uncle who died when he was young. It does make me laugh at family get togethers as several heads go up when you mention the name jack or pat

Cornflakesnmilk · 24/08/2014 17:37

No, never. To comment on a general level, I honestly don't understand parents naming their children (first name) after someone else within the immediate family. I know it's none of my business and each to their own but for some reason it irritates me (judgemental pants pulled right up!)

The name clearly suits your dm and I understand what you've written/appreciate that your dm would be honoured but you've said yourself that the name isn't unique or particularly unusual which suggests that there may well be other names that you think of as time progresses. Also, I'd be worried that it wouldn't quite suit the child because people within the family are too used to it being associated with someone else.

Jux · 24/08/2014 18:00

It is completely reasonable to name your child 'after' someone else, particularly a family member, and especially a parent.

My brother, for instance, first born son that he is, has the honour of having my father's middle name as his middle name. This name came from my paternal grandfather, who was named after his father..... and so on. It is an unusual name these days, but is steeped in family history.

If you love the name, you are happy with it, that is what matters.

Jux · 24/08/2014 18:05

PS I'd really like to know what it is!
Also, my own middle name is the first name of my paternal grandmother. When I was pg with dd, we had decided to call her after my maternal grandmother; as it happened, as soon as I saw dd, I realised that was the wrong name for her.

Naming a child after existing family is a long established tradition, used to be the norm for generations and generations. It is usually bonding, helps children feel that they are part of a larger thing and can increase a sense of security and safety.

I think it is a good thing.

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 24/08/2014 18:13

In our family, up to and including my daughter, the same three girls' names were used over and over again. Let's say that they were Jane, Susan and Mary (they weren't).

My dad's mum was Mary and so is his sister.

My mum's mum was Mary and so was one of her nieces. My mum's sister has a completely different first name (revolutionary!) but Mary as a middle name.

My mum had one aunt called Jane and one called Susan.

My mum is Susan Jane.

I am Mary Susan.

My daughter is Jane Mary.

It is actually a complete coincidence that my husband and I chose 'Jane' for our daughter. Her real name happens to be our favourite girls' name and always was. My mum was very pleased, though. We stuck 'Mary' in as the middle name largely out of tradition and because the middle name didn't seem to matter that much.

burgatroyd · 24/08/2014 18:20

I wanted to! OH didn't like the name in question. Lydia.

Gorgeous name

nooka · 24/08/2014 18:39

To me it's a bit too close a relationship. Not a problem for a middle name, but I don't really like the idea of sharing a first name with a living relative. My dd is named after two great grandparents and likes the link. ds is named after a famous historical character and likes that too.

That said if you love the name and your mother is happy to share it then I don't think it would be a big issue, except that often when two close family members share a name then it's either confusing or a nick name or qualifier is often used. Would your dd always be 'little/baby x' for example?

SierpinskiNumber · 24/08/2014 18:40

My DH's family are from a country where it's common to be named after family members with the paternal family seeming to take priority
In theory, we should have named our PFB after his Dad but I point blank refused because, his dad was not a nice man, it's a stupid tradition, I didn't like his name and it seemed 'unfair' on my a Dad.

Luckily DH agreed and none of our DC are named after any relatives. two of them are named after the nieghbours dogs though

OP, I wouldn't be worried about using your mums name other than the fact it seems a bit unfair to your MIL. What does your DH really think about the idea and do you think he will want to name any other kids you have after his family members.

Btw I did take my DHs surname when I got married million of years ago but I regret doing it. I would have chosen a brand new (really cool) family name for ourselves. DH could have double barrelled it with his old surname for work purposes and so as not to upset any of the oldies in his family,

Sirzy · 24/08/2014 18:41

DS has my dads middle name. I wouldn't have used it as a first name though

SierpinskiNumber · 24/08/2014 18:42

TYPO
Sorry I meant to say we should have named our PFB after my DHs Dad.

Montsti · 24/08/2014 18:43

My daughter has the same name as my sister quite simply because I didn't like any other girls names bar 2 of my nieces (one my sisters daughter). The latter 2 had always been my favourites but they beat me to them. I love my sisters name but had discounted it due to it being her name. We live on different continents and my immediate family refer to my daughter by a nickname.

I think it is more of an issue if the children are of the same generation I.e. Cousins.

Smartiepants79 · 24/08/2014 18:48

If you and your partner love it then use it. I don't understand the current obsession with 'different' and unusual names. Historically it was very much the done thing to use a family name.

Just pick what you like.
I love the link between the generations that names can give. The last 4 generations of girls in may family have had the same name as part of their name. It's very sentimental.

birdofthenorth · 24/08/2014 18:51

I think it's lovely. Your DM will likely be known as Granny/ Nana etched within the family once DD is born anyway, so I don't think she will suffer from lack of an individual name!

pommedeterre · 24/08/2014 18:57

Dds have their gms middle names as their middle names too.

Ds will be named after dh's gf and will have my dad's name as a middle name but both are family names used over generations.

I think if it's a beautiful name why not?

Sophronia · 24/08/2014 19:38

We want to give any dcs we have our parents' names as their middle names. I think you should go for it.

Inkspellme · 24/08/2014 20:19

my ds has my dad's name. I used it because I love it and because it's my dads name. He was thrilled.

Original poster

Strangerthingshavehappened · 25/08/2014 08:39

Thank you all for your many and varied responses! I will try to answer as many of you as possible. cornflakes you have hit the nail on the head re my concerns that it is a name people will associate with someone else and backforgood you too with what you say about every new person needing their own name. However, cornflakes what Ibwas trying to get at in my OP was that it isn't a particularly common name - it is rarely heard of amongst my DM's generation, but then had a popularity surge about 10 years or so ago and is now is outside the top 150 (think I said 100 in my OP sorry). So people will have heard of it but for many people we know, my dm will be the only one they have met.

For family and close friends who don't refer to her as DM or DGM e.g. my DF, it might be a bit hard to get used to. However there are son's named after fathers in my wider family so it's not unheard of. There is also a short name for it my DM doesnt use too that I do like although I would uae the full name a lot too.

Hmm its hard...

OP posts:

Original poster

Strangerthingshavehappened · 25/08/2014 08:44

Also, if it was one of my grandparents' names or parents' middle name I wouldn't hesitate as I think this is a bit less obvious. I could use it as a middle name but we have a middle name we really want to use that means a lot to us so it is either first name or not at all for this dc.

OP posts:

Terrierterror · 25/08/2014 11:22

It's not something I would ever choose to do but I can see why you'd want to. As long as you accept that there's a good chance your family will call your child little X or the shortened form I can't see that it's that big a deal. It would be polite to check with your mother first though.

Original poster

Strangerthingshavehappened · 25/08/2014 11:34

Thanks terrier . My DM jokingly (but meaning it) suggested it as a name and has said she always wished she'd used it for one of her own children so I am confident she won't have a problem with it at all

OP posts:

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