If you decided on a name before dc were born when did you start using it?

[mrsnec]

After a lot of hard work we found a name we both like. I feel set on it. Dh is still subject to change he thinks we might come up with something better and despite being very blunt and me having a meltdown we're still getting (un)helpful suggestions from his parents I'm worried they will influence him although he assures me they won't.

If I start referring to bump now as the chosen name will it help him get used to it?

Is it wrong for me to feel so strongly at this stage? (25 weeks)

I had a 4d scan at 22 weeks but I went with my mum. At the time dh said he was fine with it but now he wants another one at about 34 weeks and he says we'll decide once and for all then.

When did you decide and did you change your mind on something you thought you were set on and did scans have anything to do with it? He's so worried we're going to get it wrong.

We decide on all our names pretty quick, always pick a boy and a girl name and then at 20 weeks find out the sex and start using it after then. A 4d scan at 34 weeks wont be as good as your last one, the baby is so big all you can usually see is a face.

It's not something I wanted to do. For us it was very important to meet our new baby to see if a name "suited" before making the decision.
One or two of the names we had liked before birth seemed very innapropriate one we met our baby.
With our daughter we ended up scoring all our names off the list and starting again once she arrived. We ended up calling her a name that we hadn't even thought of but seemed to fit her personality when we had her in our arms.

You may wish to choose before hand, but for us it comitted us too soon.

We have a name we want to use, but I just cant use it yet as he isnt here

It feels odd saying He tbh as last time round we didnt know.

We knew before having dd1 what a dd would be. Dd2 was more complicated but bump was bump both times til born. Didn't want opinions on names. Kept it secret. Allow family thought but I'd keep quiet on the real choices.

We had a list of top three names for a boy and a girl, and when DS was born we ended up naming him a name that was not even on a top ten list. He was a very quiet, gentle thing, so we chose a name to reflect that. DS2 we also had a list with a few name but because of the experience with our first one, we waited a few days to 'discover' his little personality and named him after 6 or 7 days.

With DS1 we didn't know the sex before hand, so had picked a name for either but couldn't use them. We had a nickname for the bump, which is still his nickname at 2.6.

We found out with DS2, but I was afraid to use the name we liked to refer to the bump; it felt like tempting fate or something. In the end we changed our mind on the name about three days before he was born! Of course, had we been using the other name all along we probably wouldn't have...

Thanks X, I will have another word with dh then. The 4d one I got is her face mainly and its very detailed so I'm not sure what else we're going to get from another one so your answer is very useful I will explain that to him because I am thinking it's a waste of money but it might be he just wants the experience.

I have another scan at the general this week though and the images from them so far have been rubbish if I get a decent one from them maybe he won't want another 4d.

Maybe I will start using it anyway.

We've had names picked for a while and once we know the sex next tuesday we'll start using the name.
It'll help the dc get used to the idea of their new sibling.

I find the naming the baby before birth thing weird. We knew the sex of DS before he was born and we had a very short list of name with an obvious front runner but he still wasn't named until he was about 24 hrs old. We wanted to be sure.

Thanks everyone really interesting answers for me to think about.

We do have a shortlist of 3 first names and 2 middle names but it's just one particular combination I'm set on so we could default to the others when she's here.

If we hadn't found out the sex we wouldn't be having this problem. Dh wanted to know, I wasn't fussed but the sonographer told me straight away.

She's our first so no siblings but that makes sense Definate.

I hadn't thought about the tempting fate side of things. She's due a year to the day since I lost the last one so I'm very superstitious. People have already bought me loads of bits and I've not let any of it in the house!

Pretty soon birth announcements will simply contain the words "she is here" and time of birth. Knowing sex, weight and now name before birth......

We live abroad and wanted a name that worked in both languages, so choice was limited. For DS there was really only one name we agreed on, so it was decided that would be his name from when we knew the sex. Didn't tell anyone though or use it ourselves, would have felt weird doing that...don't know why really.
With DD there were two front runners and we leaned towards her actual name more towards the end but finally decided for sure once she was out. Didn't use it before she was born.

We had a girl's name lined up but not a boy's and as we never knew the sex before the birth, we didn't use it to the bump. I don't think I could have any, it just wouldn't feel right and yes I needed to see the baby and work out if it suited them.

Sorry about you losing your last baby, that must be hard.

I think it's OK to feel strongly but also remember naming is for both parents to decide on, so I'm a bit sympathetic to your DH for wanting to wait until he's sure. Reverse the roles and him having a meltdown and insisting on something would not go down well on here (though you can have a pardon for pg hormones!)

I can say this as we're online and you can't slap me :o but relax and chill out a bit. There is actually no rush with the name and as long as you ignore his parents and do what you both want, it will be OK. Just keep talking about it and don't worry. Also many people on here say don't reveal the name to everyone before the birth, as it leads to people copying you or giving you a hard time.

sorry any = anyway silly autocorrect

I started to call DD and DS12 by their names before they were born (DS1 for DD mainly, DD I forget why, but I think its because I was secondary teaching and I got sick of my students trying to hijack lessons constantly trying to persuade me use their choice of name! The kids I taught addressed the bump by name sometimes - one very "difficult" boy became very well behaved around the bump once she was a named baby, and apologised to her if he used bad language in her unborn hearing!). We finalised DS2 3rd child)

I don't get the "suiting" the child argument, as none of my kids bare any remote resemblance to themselves as babies - DD was a 9lb bruiser and is a petite little thing now for example, and they were all just wrinkily newborns, nothing like themselves now, if that makes sense. But obviously there is no "right" and "wrong" - fully up to the parents whether to weait to see the baby or name before. Only risk is scan getting gender wrong of course!

oops, apologies for errors in that message - text jumped somehow! (Should be DS1 not DS12, and "we finalised DS2s name quite late and I can't remember quite when we started using it, poor 3rd child!")

goodtobetter, we are in the same boat about living abroad. The chosen name now does work in both languages, one of the others does too but I decided it's better as a mn as its very common and obvious here although still beautiful and classic.

Dh and his family don't get the need for a name to work in both languages.

Don't worry nobody is getting a slap! I had a meltdown at the inlaws because I don't understand why they think they even have a say (I have a whole other thread about that and I thought I'd dealt with it). It was also because we made the mistake of telling them what my favourite was and then I got upset because I thought their suggestions were because they hated it and so I worried everyone else will hate it too then I got upset because their suggestions were so awful!

Obviously it will be something Dh and I will agree on and I do understand he isn't as set as I am he is still throwing suggestions at me all the time and I'm open to them but I still don't like them as much. And I do feel bad that I'm rejecting all his suggestions.

Agree with Mr Tumbles. Children change so much I don't think a baby can suit a name.

With dd1 I had a list and thought she suited the name I picked within hours of meeting her. Had lots of positive feedback about the name and it was one my mum came up with so she was very pleased. I had no doubts about that name at all and even now still love it!

Dd2 I thought I would have the same experience but oh and I couldn't agree. There were hundreds of lists. DM slated his top choice of name so after that we told her that we didn't want input. It soured the experience and i could not come up with name everyone liked. Named dd2 immediately after birth as thought she suited name. She didn't. She didnt suit any name apart from baby cutiepie and people kept pronouncing name wrong. Within 3 months changed it to another name that I do love. This name isn't as kapow as dd1s name so don't get anything more than a nod or a smile when I say her name. Sometimes I wonder if people don't like it. Then I remind myself that I would love be to be called either of Dd's name and there isn't a right or wrong answer.

Phew!!!!! Long cathartic post!

Op sorry for your loss and wishing you a lovely birth and new mum experience. Push for the name you love. In the end I think more mothers have stronger opinions about names than their partners.

I get the whole superstitious thing. Its a control thing. Try to enjoy this.

There's nothing wrong with planning ahead. Millions do and go on to have happy healthy babies.

No all mine were just 'The Baby' until they were born.

I lost a baby late on before I met DH and this might sound weird but I didn't want to bond with another baby before he or she was in my arms and alive.
I have never been interested in knowing the sex anyway, I don't see the point. My husband has told me each time and it was so special, I can't imagine a stranger telling me as special.
I know several people who have referred to their unborn child by name from very, early on and it makes my blood run cold, I find it really uncomfortable.
I have been happy to chat about names with people. I don't make a big thing of knowing and not telling but we have only decided on set names with one of our DC. With my other three it has been a choice of two boys and two girls names.

Sorry I think my post sounded really harsh. I didn't want to sound like that.

I hope all goes well for you

Notso, sorry for your loss too. I can relate to your story.

I hadn't planned on getting a 4d scan.I find them wierd. I didn't really want one.It was lost in translation! I was referred to the private hospital for reassurance. The general ordered a 'more detailed' scan so since I saw her face I just felt like she needed a name. It's a very odd feeling.

I think you're right not to make a thing of knowing and not telling. To an extent I'm happy to chat about names too which is why I'm on these threads. Dh and I both have decent names too but I think our parents lost their taste over the years!

So maybe the answer is for now to use my chosen name in my own head. Decide with dh a bit further on and give him more time and just tell everyone else we're working on it and not open to suggestions!

Oh and that wasn't harsh at all!

Baby is named at birth.

But I don't really bond with the bump

We had bump names that we used throughout pregnancy. We decided on probable real names at some point during the pregnancy but didn't start using them until the babies were born. After delivery, we decided to use the names we'd chosen but not tell anyone else until after release from hospital - it gave us time to test the names and make sure we were happy with them. This worked well, and we changed DDs name because on actually using it to refer to a living breathing baby, we found we didn't like the previously chosen name.

I have a slight conundrum now though, as I am pregnant with DC3. If it is a boy, I like the bump name we had for DS1, but that seems a bit like recycling an old name! I'll have to see if anything else competes when the time comes!