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DH wants Michael for a boy. Help me learn to love it

96 replies

cakegoblin · 06/03/2014 22:00

Made a stupid bargain with DH that he gets to choose the boy's name if I get a girl's name I love approved. 30 weeks, don't know what we're having. Tonight he reveals his chosen boy's name and it's Michael after his dad.
His dad's ace and everything but I really have never even considered the name as an option, tbh I don't like it, and am trying to get used to the idea... It would be a lovely gesture though and really there's nothing wrong with it, apart from it not being to my taste.
What could it shorten to? Apart from Mick/Mickey. Mikey? Argh. Anyone really love it? Could you send me some positivity please?

OP posts:
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mewkins · 09/03/2014 08:04

Michael is a good name. Are you put off because it's not particularly current or trendy?

There is a Miki at dd's preschool and he's a lovely little boy.

Writerwannabe83 · 09/03/2014 10:02

Our son is due in 10 days and he has two middle names: John, which is my DH's dad's name and then Michael, which is my dad's middle name.

I have always felt uncomfortable about naming a child by the the same first name as a living relative just because I think they deserve their own identity as opposed to being a tribute to someone else.

When my DH said he wanted the middle name to be his dad's name I was really against it at first but he wore me down with the compromise that there could be a 2nd middle name that I'd choose. I decided to go for a name that was related to my family, DH suggested my own dad's first name so it was all fair, but like I said, I just don't like that idea so we have gone for my dad's middle name instead.

I love Mikey as a nickname!!!

Playboxpony · 09/03/2014 10:33

I have a gorgeous 3 yr old Michael, not shortened, and to be honest after he was born I was a bit 'meh' about the name and thought we'd made a mistake in using it. Now however I can't see him being called anything else and I think it will always be a classic, solid, inoffensive name which won't hopefully date, if you know what I mean. However if you really hate it and feel you can't come to love it, I wouldn't use it. Or as others suggest use it as a middle name. It's such an important decision just wait and see how you feel after the baby is born... I wouldn't rush into anything.

Imwoodword · 09/03/2014 10:44

My 4 year old is Michael, I haven't met another one his age or couple of years older/younger.

I was actually told what an unusual name it is! Hmm

I love it. He has variations of a nickname, including Mickey-Michael, Mickey, and Miguel.

treaclesoda · 09/03/2014 10:50

I love the name Michael, one of my favourites. It's classic.

But...if you don't like it you don't like it. Would there be any chance of a compromise? As a pp said, you could use it as a middle name?

Martorana · 09/03/2014 10:57

You don't have to love it- you will love the baby, and loving the name will just happen because it will be him.

And he will be the only one in his class- possibly even his school. Which is the professed reason many people have for calling their child Moon Unit or Sequoia....you can have the same result without also appearing like a loon. Grin

Oh, and don't try and second guess nicknames- they will just happen.

Martorana · 09/03/2014 11:00

Oh, and don't go back on the deal with your Dp. Mine did over our dd's name and while I actually like the name we gave her better than the one we had agreed on earlier, I still have a tiny corner of resentment that he broke his promise 18 years later!

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 09/03/2014 20:12

I think I would be much more upset about the fact that it's after his dad.

I don't think that's acceptable unless both partners have specifically discussed naming after family members, and agreed on it.

Naming after a parent is quite a thing. I wouldn't have agreed to that as a first name. No way. Grandparent maybe. Middle name, yes.

Not on, regardless of what the name is.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/03/2014 20:14

I had that exact deal but in reverse.
My Michael is 17 and everyone calls him, erm, Michael. He is the very essence of Michael-ness as he truly believes he is Godlike Grin

BeetlebumShesAGun · 09/03/2014 20:17

My DP is a Michael after his grandfather and uncle! Confusing! If we had had a son Michael would have been his middle name.

I like it, DP is Mike.

HorsesDogsNails · 09/03/2014 20:45

My Michael is almost 15 and has always just been Michael! I don't really get nicknames unless they evolve naturally and as yet one hasn't with him.

I like that people see Michaels as good, strong men - mine fits that.

gilliangoof · 09/03/2014 23:22

It's a lovely, good, solid, stylish name.

LettertoHermioneGranger · 09/03/2014 23:52

Michael is lovely. As has been said many times, it's a classic, it's a good, strong, male name. It's not 'trendy' but it will never be 'out there', it passes the headline test, the court judge test. DP is a Michael, strictly no nicknames, though most adults tend toward Mike. His nephew is Micah. And I love the nickname Misha.

If you really hate it, you should say, but it sounds like you're warming to it and I think you should, it's a great name and it sounds very important to your husband. My brother and I were named as a result of a deal like this! Dad named him, mom named me. It's a good way to compromise... though perhaps consider adding veto power.

zipzap · 10/03/2014 00:40

Before dh and I even started thinking of names for ds1 we agreed some ground rules - we didn't want the name to start with either of our initials and we didn't want to use the name of any close friends or relatives.

We did end up using my late dad's name as a second name, but we did both come to the conclusion separately that it worked really well as a second name with the name we'd chosen as first name and dh was the first one to moot using it as I felt given what we'd decided that it was a bit cheeky to suggest it. However, when we were discussing it, one of the conditions I put on it was that just because we were using my dad's name as second name, we didn't automatically have to use dh's dad's name as second name should we have another boy - not least because I didn't like the name (Michael, sorry!) and I don't really like the way he treats dh (I met him for the third time at our wedding - dh and I had been going out for 13 years so you can see - really not close).

Could you sit down with dh and explain that when you entered into the deal, it had never occurred to you that he would be choosing the name of a close friend or relative and that this is really freaking you out (assuming your dd name isn't also from a friend or relative!) as you are such a strong believer in every child having their own name, not somebody else's name, that the thought of calling a ds after your fil is really making you feel ill/upset/etc as you're no longer picturing your fresh little baby that's half of both of you and got his whole life ahead of him but you just see a mini FIL and that he'll always be compared to his grandad, he won't ever have a chance to be his own person, and so on - get as emotional as you can (pregnancy hormones have to be useful for something occasionally given the grief they give too!) and lay the message on really thick so he understands what you are feeling about his name choice.

You might have to compromise on it being used as a middle name - certainly offer it up for that - but beg dh to chose a 'proper' name for his child and not just to burden him with one that already has made its mark in his family, so that he'll never have a chance to have his 'own' name. Also stress about nicknames - that if he does go ahead with it then in no uncertain terms will you ever call your baby 'little Michael' or 'little Mick (or whatever his dad is known as)' - that he has to have at least a nickname of his own - push whichever ones you like and if you think dh won't like them then even better as it might dissuade him from choosing Michael.

If he has been slating all your choices but not been prepared to even offer up suggestions then he has to expect to hear your honest views on the name - it's not reasonable to expect you to accept something passively even with your agreement, especially when he hasn't had the guts or decency to come up with any of his own suggestions (and even this doesn't sound like he has actually come up with his own suggestion!).

Is he named after someone in his family? If he is and there is a family tradition of honouring someone using their name then it is probably a perfectly obvious choice to him and he has probably been implicitly conditioned for this all his life. However it's a tradition that, to those that don't have it, can feel distinctly odd and horrible (and have you noticed that it can't be that much of a tradition as, royal family aside, you very rarely hear of somebody called Martin/Robert/etc the 8th for example - you get Junior and maybe the third - but not much beyond that). And if not - then how come he was allowed to have his own name and shape his own destiny but he isn't prepared to do that for his own child?

It's got to be worth talking to him about quite how strongly you feel about the disliking the name he's chosen - or rather, more the fact that it is FIL's name that he has chosen, and that you feel he has been pretty unfair in choosing a name that you'd always assumed that might get used as a middle name if it worked but would never be a first name as it belongs to somebody else in the family and that he had never given you any inkling that he was thinking along those lines.

Just out of interest, what do you think he would have said if you had chosen your mum's name as the girl's first name? Do you think he would have just said OK, or would have said that he wants the next dd to have his mum's name or rejected it out of hand because he didn't want to be reminded of his MIL all the time (or whatever). And if he names this child after his dad, do you think he will feel that the first girl that comes along will need to be named after his mum so she doesn't feel slighted by the fact that FIL has a child named after him whilst she doesn't?

Good luck!

saffronwblue · 10/03/2014 09:07

I love the name Michael and if DD had been a boy this would have been her name. Strong, timeless, lovely name.

everlong · 10/03/2014 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egusta · 10/03/2014 14:25

I like Michael. Classic and underused as others have said. There is a Michael in my DS's class, and I always want to say something positive to his mother, as it is so sweet on a little boy (about 4).

This will out me, but I don't care. My DS is called Peter. I was a bit meh about it too at first, but DH wanted the name very badly and he wanted it more than I did not want it, if you see what I mean. In very short order I came to love the name. You never hear of it nowadays, and it is cute on a baby, cute on a boy, fine and strong on a man. Michael is the same sort of name IMO. I only ever get compliments on Peter's name, along the lines of 'Isn't it nice to see the old names coming back'. And he is the only one in his class. :)

For nn- Misha is a gorgeous nn for Michael.

Bumpsadaisie · 10/03/2014 15:09

Its a lovely name. I love the "ch" sound and then the "ael" sound at the end.

cakegoblin · 11/03/2014 23:02

Thanks so much for your thoughtful replies, everyone.

Writerwannabe83 and zipzap you are spot on, that is my main problem with it - I feel that to have the same first name as a close relative burdens the little person with having to live up to (or rebel against) someone else's life choices. Also it's confusing and inevitably ends up with "Little" or "Young" in front of the younger one's name. Not to mention the mental picture of breastfeeding a mini version of my FIL... bleugh! I am sure I could learn to like it on its own if it wasn't for this, for DH's sake if nothing else, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the name itself and the other poster's positive opinions on here have really helped.

By the way for those who have asked, this deal was offered when I was attempting to put my favourite girl's name forward and persuade him into it - it was suggested as one of a number of ways of working this out but DH took it as a done deal and announced the next day that even though he hates my girl's name he was going to take me up on it and the male name would be Michael, to my horror as I thought we'd be able to do a lot more reasonable discussing of options than that... Have had to explain that I don't want him to hate the girl's name either, and we really need to be adults and go with a compromise name that we're both happy with rather than each pig-headedly stick to our no.1 choice, the result of which would be that at least one of us would hate the new baby's name.

Update now is that after a few days of standoff, DH finally offered to sort it out once and for all last night, so we sat down (like proper grown ups) with the complete ONS lists of boys/girls and made a top five list each, crossed 2 off each other's choices and actually found some common ground... despite nearly all his choices being names of close family members! We will use his choice as the middle name if it's a boy. So the subject is now closed unless one of us has a massive change of heart for some reason. And I love the girl name, the boy name I can totally live with. Thank god for that.

OP posts:
GarthsUncle · 11/03/2014 23:07

Yay!!

(I still like Michael though Grin)

starlight1234 · 11/03/2014 23:09

Well I am pleased..The thought of either of you not liking your DC for the rest of your life seems awful

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