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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Friends 'nicking' baby names... sort of!

41 replies

Orlea · 12/02/2014 15:19

I'm not particularly precious about other people using 'my' baby names, but I'm curious about what people think, etiquette etc...

I've had a list of preferred baby names (both boys and girls) for years. Have added some and removed others, but it's been fairly static for the top 3-4 of each list for years. I've happily told pregnant friends what my baby names were and never been bothered that they might use them. Two of these friends have had three children in the last two years and two of the children (one boy and one girl) were given first names which were my name #1 for each gender, which I had no problem with...

But I'm now pregnant and wondering what the etiquette is re using the same names... obviously the ones they used had to be my absolute favourites! I feel a bit like I'd be copying them, even though the names have been on my list for donkeys, but I don't want to go for name #2 just on the basis that a friend has used name #1, as name #2 is lovely but is definitely not #1 for me.

Both of these friends are quite close but live miles away (50 and 300 miles) so it's not like we see each other all the time, but we do take breaks together every year so the children would know each other. I'm imagining my child asking me why they're called after my friend's child etc...

I also don't know how my friends would take it. I don't think either of them would be particularly bothered, but I'm a bit worried they might be secretly annoyed. How would you feel? Does it matter? I am pretty sure if the situation were reversed and I'd had children first, that I would feel annoyed at being 'copied'... so I do feel a bit hypocritical

OP posts:

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purplebaubles · 12/02/2014 15:21

You really shouldn't have told them 'your' names. No one owns a name, but I do think there's a bit of politeness to not using a name that another friend has already used (even if you think it was 'your' name in the first place!)

Personally, I'd be pretty pissed off if a close friend named their children the same as mine. Regardless of if I had 'stolen' the name from them in the first place. Daft, yes. But there are so many names out there. Pick one that is different.

And next time, keep your mouth shut!

Beachballfamily · 12/02/2014 15:32

They're only close to being 'your' names if you had actually used them for your kids - not just had them on a list for children that might or might not exist at some point in the future. Even then, no one 'owns' a name; it just depends how both parties feel about it. I really like names that two friends have already used, so asked them how they'd feel about us using one of their kids' names. One friend said it would be too weird (which is really annoying, as I love the name but now can't use it), whereas the other wasn't bothered, said they didn't own the names and would actually be flattered. Personally I wouldn't care at all if a friend used the same name as me.

tracypenisbeaker · 12/02/2014 15:35

Choose something else. There are thousands of names out there.

PixelAteMyFace · 12/02/2014 15:38

I just don't understand all this name-owning thing. If I liked a certain name I would use it, regardless of who else has already chosen it. The only exception would be if the surname was also the same!

You don't even see your friends very often, so why would it matter if your DC had the same name as theirs? Also, they know that this name has always been top of your list.

Anyone who is precious about other people using the same name should make one up to ensure complete uniqueness

FWIW I have two friends whose daughters have the same name as my DD, and it doesn't bother me in the least - it just confirms that it's a lovely name and we all have good taste

LadyAlysVorpatril · 12/02/2014 15:50

I was best friends with a girl with the same name. We loved it! Your children won't be upset by this.

Original poster

Orlea · 12/02/2014 15:53

Yes there are loads of other names, but there are very few that I really love and these are my top two plus DH was happy with them too (and doesn't give a monkeys about what my friends' children are called) so it was a win-win...

I didn't feel like being precious and keeping my names secret when my friends were pregnant and asking me for ideas, and they are fairly classic names anyway so not exactly one in a million and they might have come up with them anyway. At least by telling them, they knew I loved them and where they came on my list... I don't mind that they've used them, only that now they might not like me using them too. I think I might be better not asking tbh in case they do say no!

In any case, unless I find I'm having twins and one of each it would only be one of these friends that I'd risk annoying...

OP posts:

JanePurdy · 12/02/2014 16:03

I would use the name! I am surprised at the responses.

Mrsindecision · 12/02/2014 16:51

Use the names if you love them, it's really not a problem IMO, particularly if, as you say, they are fairly classic choices and not at all unusual (even so, I would still use them if I had declared my love of the names before their DC were born!) Definitely go for your favourite names and don't give it a second thought!

winterhat · 12/02/2014 18:40

Use the names anyway. Your friends already know they were on your list.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/02/2014 20:00

Use the names anyway.

Things like this are why I don't share the names I want to use, only names I like, with friends though.

gilliangoof · 12/02/2014 20:10

I'd use the names. Nobody owns a name. I really regret not naming my DD one of the 3 or 4 names I loved because others had already used them. I frequently look at her and think she would have made such a lovely xxx. It was my very favourite. I swoon when I hear of a little girl with that name now. I gave her a name I quite liked but it is really not the same.

Sammie101 · 12/02/2014 20:12

I really don't understand why people get so upset/annoyed by other people using the same name. Unless it's a very unusual name or one that they made up then there will be someone else with that name in the world. It's not a big deal.

I would use whatever name you love OP, and if anyone had a problem with it I'd let them get on with it.

scarlettsmummy2 · 12/02/2014 20:14

Choose something else- I wouldn't want my children to have the same names as close friends children- purely because I want them to be unique.

meerschweinchen · 12/02/2014 20:16

Use the names. They are just names, no-one owns them! Also, if you feel bad, why not have a word with your friends in advance and explain the situation? My best friend and I have actually used the same name. Her baby was born a few weeks after mine and she asked me first if I minded. Of course, I said no. We don't live near each other, and in a way I think it just shows that we both have the same good taste!

HairyPotter · 12/02/2014 20:25

I was pregnant with dc2 at the same time as a workmate. She asked my names and I mentioned my top girls choice. She hadn't heard it before, and asked how it was spelt and said how lovely it was. She had her dd first and used it. Mine appeared 2 weeks later and I did consider not using but in the end it was the only one I really liked.

When I called into work to show off dd2 the first thing everyone said was 'oh the same as x's dd?' Annoying but not the end of the world. She was absolutely fine about me calling dd2 the same name and always told everyone who mentioned it, that she stole it from me

MyNameIsSuz · 12/02/2014 20:25

I think it depends on how unusual the names are. If they are very uncommon, then yes it will look as though you've copied them as they will probably be the only two of that name anyone knows. If they are names that are very popular or completely classic, I think you should go for it. What I mean is, if two mutual friends had babies six months apart and both used the name Oliver, I would think nothing of it, whereas if they both called their child Raphael it would look as though the second friend had copied!

littlebluedog12 · 12/02/2014 20:33

If they are pretty common classic names I would use them. A friend of mine has 2 DC, they were both given names that other mutual friends had used a few months earlier! But they are classic names, think William and Sophie for example, so noone really batted an eyelid.

audley · 12/02/2014 20:50

I have a 3 year old Caspar and my step sister is pregnant and asked if we would mind them using the same name, with a different spelling. I don't mind.

cece · 12/02/2014 21:24

My DC3 has the same name as several of my friends DC.

They honestly did not mind at all. A few said they were flattered.

scottishmummy · 12/02/2014 21:30

There's no name etiquette.no one has dibs on a name.and that's end of it

MaryWestmacott · 12/02/2014 21:40

I would use it, they can't get an arse on about it because you did tell them in advance of them using it that it was your favourite name.

If they live that far away, they aren't going to be a big part of your day to day lives, and it's likely that your DCs won't see much of theirs.

I would tell them in advance you'll still use your first choice name, and remind them you told them you liked in before they used it. They probably will be a bit miffed, but that's their problem, it's not like they didn't know you liked it!

tammytoby · 12/02/2014 21:53

We name our kids so they can be identified, and as there are thousands of names to choose from that I would not use the same name that my friends have named their child. You even state that you'd be annoyed if they had 'copied' you, so they will feel the same if you choose their kids' names.

HopeS01 · 12/02/2014 21:56

Use them. Even if your friends are secretly annoyed they will get over it in no time!

PrincessOfChina · 12/02/2014 22:01

If the names aren't unusual, go ahead. I would think it strange if a friend used DD's name but it's very rare so I think that would be more out of surprise than anything.

If we're talking Top 50 names though it really won't matter t all.

Sharaluck · 12/02/2014 22:04

Use the names you like. Don't discuss it with them either, just name them when they are born. You need to realise that your friends may not even remember you telling them the names.

Did you not consider this situation could happen when you told them the names? I've always suggested names further down my a favourite list when people have asked for advice. I don't think that is being precious, just looking ahead to avoid problems like this.

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