Friends 'nicking' baby names... sort of!

[Orlea]

I'm not particularly precious about other people using 'my' baby names, but I'm curious about what people think, etiquette etc...

I've had a list of preferred baby names (both boys and girls) for years. Have added some and removed others, but it's been fairly static for the top 3-4 of each list for years. I've happily told pregnant friends what my baby names were and never been bothered that they might use them. Two of these friends have had three children in the last two years and two of the children (one boy and one girl) were given first names which were my name #1 for each gender, which I had no problem with...

But I'm now pregnant and wondering what the etiquette is re using the same names... obviously the ones they used had to be my absolute favourites! I feel a bit like I'd be copying them, even though the names have been on my list for donkeys, but I don't want to go for name #2 just on the basis that a friend has used name #1, as name #2 is lovely but is definitely not #1 for me.

Both of these friends are quite close but live miles away (50 and 300 miles) so it's not like we see each other all the time, but we do take breaks together every year so the children would know each other. I'm imagining my child asking me why they're called after my friend's child etc...

I also don't know how my friends would take it. I don't think either of them would be particularly bothered, but I'm a bit worried they might be secretly annoyed. How would you feel? Does it matter? I am pretty sure if the situation were reversed and I'd had children first, that I would feel annoyed at being 'copied'... so I do feel a bit hypocritical

Doesn't matter if name is unusual Or not.no one has dibs on a name
It's really v silly and precious to feel ownership if a name
Reminds me of Charlotte satc when she had huff after her baby name "stolen"

When I had ds, and was phoning round to tell people, one friend went all quiet and said "that's the name we like best". I told her I didn't mind at all, and she used it for her ds2, born 6 weeks later.

I didn't think we'd see them that often as they lived overseas, but after she and her h separated, she and her boys moved fairly close to us. My A and her A get on great, even look very alike, have been mistaken for twins! And they love saying "Hello A" "Hello A" "How are you A?" "I'm fine, how are you, A?" (Even though they're both 12!!).

Thanks everyone for the opinions, I see why people would go for different names but I am glad that most are in favour of using the names I like!

They are definitely not uncommon names, I haven't checked lists but I would be surprised if they weren't in the top 100. As Mary said, they're far enough away that they won't be part of our daily lives, although I would be surprised if they don't meet other children with these names in our area too.

I have got a good few months to think about it anyway and change my mind twenty times and test the waters with each friend...

Kids often love having the same name too. My DD is in a new class with another Esmeralda (May not be her real name) and they have become instant, firm friends.

For me the issue is just the classic "can I use the same name" as the fact you told them names you like before is irrelevant. Telling someone you like a name isn't like making a table reservation.
My friend always had her top name, if I had a boy I wouldn't have used it anyway as it wasn't my taste but in the end she didn't even us it when she had a boy. So your friends couldn't keep your name in reservation until you released it to them as you decided actually it wasn't the one (or one from a list).

Someone said about giving a name to be unique but I don't think being unique in a small group of friends is unique as one day they will explore the world and come across lots with the same name. So on that basis, you should use the name.
However as you can see from the posts here, there are mixed feelings on the idea so be prepared for one of your friends to be unhappy just incase. It's not rational but they just might be upset.

Seriously, you might drift apart in the next few years and never see each other again. Don't worry about it.

Use the names if you really like them and nothing else will do. Please don't worry. I also would not mention it to your friends either. Instead I would just announce baby x has been born etc. If they question it, you can just say, well you know of course that I have always loved x name. If you ask their permission beforehand, you give them the option to object and then what will you do?

Out of interest what are the name? Go on tell us. We can tell you if they are top 100 or not.

Don't be testing the waters- this is not a committee decision! Just use the name you like best.

Call the baby your number one name. I can't see a problem

Yes agree don't ask opinions. Wait till the birth and after tell everyone it's name. That way it's not up for discussion.

You don't need to ask permission just use whatever you like.

Use the names you like best. Ignore the fact someone got there first p

Don't ask before hand.

There were two Joseph's and two Chloe's among my friends. It really was fine.

See, I think you're wrong to assume your friends used the names because YOU mentioned them. Maybe they'd loved the names for years and years before you revealed them on your "list". Maybe they will be very surprised to find out you think you "told them" about these names.

Use the names. I would be quite chuffed if someone used the same name as us. Means they love it too and that my child hasn't put them off it.