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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Can we use this name?

49 replies

QuarksInAPearTickle · 22/12/2013 08:39

When me and DH first talked about children a long time ago there was one girls name we loved. It is his late grandmothers name and it goes perfectly with

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Original poster

QuarksInAPearTickle · 22/12/2013 08:42

Oops posted to soon!

It's perfect with our last name.

Our problem is that an acquaintance of our used it to name their baby which they lost at birth. Very sad.

They live in in another country and we only keep in touch through face book. We are close to other members of their family.

Would it be heartless to use it? I am horrible to even think about using it!

OP posts:

Boxofbugs · 22/12/2013 08:44

Is it very unusual?

curlew · 22/12/2013 08:45

If you're close to their family then I'm afraid you can't, sorry.

Wishfulmakeupping · 22/12/2013 08:48

Agree with above poster especially do if its not a popular name

nkf · 22/12/2013 08:51

I don't think I would. Really, I don't think so. Is there a variation of the name?

TheFutureSupremeRulersMum · 22/12/2013 08:51

Just tell them it's a family name. Or, when you post a photo of the baby on Facebook, just say she's called x after DJ's grandmother.

curlew · 22/12/2013 08:51

Oh, and before anyone suggests it, please don't ask them if it's OK- the only possible answer is "Of course it's fine" - even when every fibre of your being is howling with irrational "Noooooooooos"

Original poster

QuarksInAPearTickle · 22/12/2013 08:54

It's a very popular name at the moment and has several variations. I suspected we couldn't use it.

Dh seems very stuck on it though.

OP posts:

hootloop · 22/12/2013 08:56

I did this accidentally, to be fair to me, I hadn't seen them for years before DD was born and it is a fairly popular name. I bumped into her when DD was small and remembered pretty much as I introduced DD. I felt terrible and if I had remembered before we named her I wouldn't have done it.

FlatsInDagenham · 22/12/2013 08:57

You describe them as an 'acquaintance' and you only keep in touch via FB. I think it's fine to use the name actually, and as suggested, when you 'announce' it on fb, make reference to it being a family name.

Boxofbugs · 22/12/2013 08:57

I actually don't see an issue if its v popular and you aren't that close to the parents in question.

Original poster

QuarksInAPearTickle · 22/12/2013 08:57

I have only just found out I'm pregnant so plenty time to think of another name. Just needed to get this one out of my head!

OP posts:

Solaia · 22/12/2013 08:59

I don't see any problem with it tbh. Although I probably would put in the phone call/text/Facebook that it was after DPs granny so they know there is another connection.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 22/12/2013 09:04

I don't see an issue actually if this is an acquaintance in another country who you only see on FB and the name is a common one.

I'd feel different if you changed any of the details.

I would just amke it very clear on announcing the name that she was named after DH's grandmother.

bakingtins · 22/12/2013 09:06

I'm usually of the opinion that nobody can 'own' a name, but think in this situation you should choose another. Use it as a middle name if honouring the granny is important to you.
A friend was caused much unintended hurt after someone close named their daughter the same as she'd named her lost (late MC) baby. The person in question didn't know as they'd never generally announced the lost baby's name, but it compounded her grief. Don't do it.

curlew · 22/12/2013 09:12

I still feel as if I "own" the name I had chosen for a baby I lost nearly 20 years ago, and feel a pang when I hear it. I know this is completely and utterly irrational! But if somebody had used the name way back then when it happened it would have been incredibly hurtful.

woodlandwanderwoman · 22/12/2013 09:44

If you are friends on FB, please remember this wont just be about the birth announcement, they will also have to endure years of your posts on birthdays, milestones, holidays... All the things they will never have the chance to share.

I think the fact that you have to think about it means that you know it would be terribly difficult for them to think otherwise. Only you know your relationship with them well enough to judge, I'm sure they would never begrudge you a healthy baby but it would be hard for them not to feel like you were reminding them they couldn't have theirs.

You are being a good friend by being compassionate, choose either a variation or a middle name if you can. If DH needs convincing please ask him to step into their shoes for a moment. Good luck and I'm sure you will choose a beautiful name xx

Original poster

QuarksInAPearTickle · 22/12/2013 10:04

Thanks all. I honestly hadn't even considered the possibility of it being a middle name for some reason. I just got so caught up in it being a first name I love it that much. I think I will persuade to DH that it would be best as a middle name and I'm sure there are many other names we love out there if we just think about it! Thanks all.

OP posts:

TheFutureSupremeRulersMum · 22/12/2013 10:07

woodland they have the choice to hide the feed if it upsets them.

Armadale · 22/12/2013 10:11

Having lost a baby very late in PG I would find this difficult.

I would think you were perfectly entitled to use the name, and wouldn't take it personally as a snub on me or my family, but at the same time seeing those FB updates of your child growing up and reaching all those milestones that mine never will would be upsetting.

It would compound the feeling I have that life for everyone else carries on and no-one remembers our little one any more except us.

If you possibly can, it would be a kindness on your part to avoid it.

Agree using as a middle name is a really good idea.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 22/12/2013 10:13

woodland they have the choice to hide the feed if it upsets them.

What about all the subsequent posts? DD's first steps, 1st birthday, first day at school. Do they just cut all contact with OP?

curlew · 22/12/2013 10:15

"woodland they have the choice to hide the feed if it upsets them."

I find it extraordinary that anybody could possibly think of this as an acceptable option.

Mrswellyboot · 22/12/2013 10:15

The fact it is a grandparents name would make it ok for me. We had decided our child's name years ago and we would have gone it but maybe talk to your friend (telephone) to explain rather than FB x

woodlandwanderwoman · 22/12/2013 10:19

I think if someone had to hide the feed because the content was so upsetting it answers the op question really.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/12/2013 10:23

You say acquaintance. What sort of relationship do you have?

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