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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Can we use this name?

49 replies

QuarksInAPearTickle · 22/12/2013 08:39

When me and DH first talked about children a long time ago there was one girls name we loved. It is his late grandmothers name and it goes perfectly with

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

everlong · 22/12/2013 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlew · 22/12/2013 11:37

"It's hard. The last thing you want to do is upset them"

Honestly, it's not hard at all. Just don't do it.

everlong · 22/12/2013 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlew · 22/12/2013 11:47

I am so sorry, everlong- that was very insensitive of me- I responded without taking your post on board properly.

I was just cross with the "well, if they don't like it, they can always hide the feed" attitude.

everlong · 22/12/2013 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tsw · 22/12/2013 11:59

Sorry but having lost a child if someone used our child's name I would be in tears for WEEKS. Do not do it.

Glittermud · 22/12/2013 12:03

I would use it. You describe them as acquaintances not close friends. What happened to them was tragic but if it is a name that you'd already settled on then use it. It may sound callous but you could drop them a pm on fb to explain (nearer the birth) and to express your deep felt condolences once more.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/12/2013 12:06

Wha

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/12/2013 12:07

Oops what is the name? Is it likely that you are neither the first or.last person to use.it since they MCd?

curlew · 22/12/2013 12:09

" It may sound callous but you could drop them a pm on fb to explain (nearer the birth) and to express your deep felt condolences once more."

Yep. That sounds callous.

curlew · 22/12/2013 12:13

I heard and have forgotten the SW's name, but it wasn't a British sounding name. I remember thinking that they must either be several generations English or the most amazing observer of people to be able to get that typical English social incompetence so right.......

curlew · 22/12/2013 12:14

Oops- wrong thread!

lljkk · 22/12/2013 12:17

I would use it if I still liked it in 34 weeks. They don't own the name forever more. They are going to encounter it in other places even if it's quite unusual. A personal message to say that you hope they aren't pained to hear it again would be a nice touch.

TheCraicDealer · 22/12/2013 12:26

Agree with lijkk. It may be that between now and having the baby that this name will start coming with other stressful connotations and put you off. I'm assuming though, that this is a fb acquaintance who now lives far, far away and will probably never meet the child that you're carrying. That's a very different scenario to say, your next door neighbour, family member or a work colleague. In those situations I'd just write the name off.

curlew · 22/12/2013 12:37

The OP says she is close to other members of the family.

Just don't do it.

Thepoodoctor · 22/12/2013 12:39

It depends how close the acquaintance and family, and how common the name.

We have friends who gave their second child the same name as the boy we lost. It's a pretty common name. Friends live in London and we send Christmas cards and see them every couple of years.

At that level I will admit to wincing when I read the announcement and when I hear about their little boy - but at the same time I wouldn't have expected them to remember and avoid.

Really depends on how close you are via other family members I think, and very much on how common the name is. If its something like Lily I think they will meet so many others yours will pass them by in the rush.

Tikkamasala · 22/12/2013 12:45

I think using it as a middle name is a good solution in this situation.

I don't think you should use it as first name as I agree it would probably really hurt them.

Thepoodoctor · 22/12/2013 12:47

I might also consider how recent their loss is. Although others may feel differently, the hardest for me is hearing about little boys of around ten - whatever their names. A toddler with our babys name would be less hard than a ten year old boy called almost anything.

If their DD would have been close-ish in age to your new baby then I think the same name would be very tough. If there's a considerable gap that for me would make it easier.

Floggingmolly · 22/12/2013 13:00

No, don't do it. And as to the "drop her a line nearer the birth to commiserate once more" . Why would you do that???
As the time to meet our precious Holly draws closer, we're reminded once again of your precious Holly who didn't make it...
No, no, no!!!

thehouseoflego · 22/12/2013 13:57

How long do you have left before DC arrives?

The list of names we had in the first 3 months or so, is total different now with 3 wks left. Add it too the list, suggest to DH it would also be good as a middle name and leave it to sit for a while. You may find you both change your mind or indeed when the baby arrives it may look like an Emily and not a Lucy or David and not a Daniel.

wigglesrock · 22/12/2013 14:32

I wouldn't do it, when I was pregnant with dd3 I had thought of a name (its a popular one). Dd1 became very friendly with a particular classmate. The name I had liked was the name of their daughter who'd died at birth a few years earlier. I just discounted it. The baby was their 3rd child as well. It just seemed too hard. I'm glad I chose a different name.

squoosh · 22/12/2013 15:39

No way would I use the name. Yes you may love the name but there is another name out there which you will love just as much if you look hard enough.

Glittermud · 22/12/2013 16:19

It's a decision that only the OP can make based on her relationship with these people. I wouldn't use it if it would be callous, certainly not. But if it were a nominal 'friendship' - as many are on fb - then that would influence my decision.

Glittermud · 22/12/2013 16:20

I liked the suggestion of using it as a middle name.

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