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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

How do I persuade DH re:baby name??

29 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 14/07/2013 10:46

Hi all,

Some may have seen my various other threads trying to find a name I could really 'bond' with.

We're having a little DS2 and although I am over the moon about him, I am a little gutted too as I don't want more children and would have really loved a girl. Part of the problem being we had a great girls name picked out but are really not agreeing on boys.

DH is French and his family are quite old fashioned - happy we're having a boy to continue the 'family name' & it's tradition in their family to use the paternal grandfathers name as the baby's name.

I put my foot down on that long ago before even TTC. But the problem is I now desperately want to use the name Russell, after my dad who I loved so much & who died shortly after the birth of DS1. DH won't even entertain the idea....he likes really flowery exotic names like Dartagnon, Thibault, Raphael, Cassius etc.

My issue is that having this baby hadn't been all easy for me. Left to my own wishes I wouldn't have chosen to have another baby at all, but DH took myself and my son on and is amazing to both of us - having children of his own was always a top priority for him so I always knew I would have to. Now baby is a boy (which is ok) but again exactly what DH, not me, wanted and all his family are treating it like some sort of Family Heritage Asset.

I just really want a name that MEANS something. & that doesn't sound ridiculous on a white, probably redhead, 1/2 English child. I think I'd feel embarrassed if a name like Raphael - which I do actually like - was called out in a drs surgery, or I was shouting it in the park.

How do I make DH see how much using my dads name would mean to me, and why I can't use one of his choices? He just keeps saying 'we've got a long time to discuss' (20 weeks) but I feel I can't bond with bump without a name...

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driftwoodsands · 14/07/2013 11:37

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Why don't you use Russell as a middle name (and possibly paternal Grandfather's name to be fair) and really try to find a name that you both love as a first name for DS? What about Didier, Theo, Roan, Seb, Dominic or Tom? I can imagine those names on the child you describe. Good luck.

exoticfruits · 14/07/2013 11:40

It is only ever about compromise. All my 3 have names that were not my first choice (not DH's first choice either)
Have 3 names- compromise name, Russell, paternal grandfather's name.

pinkpanther79 · 14/07/2013 11:42

I must admit, I felt as I was giving birth I should get a bit more say. I gave DH a list of 6 names and he got a veto on any he disliked.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

exoticfruits · 14/07/2013 11:46

I really don't think that you want to start off as 'superior' parent!
You are equal parent -start with a name compromise.

starfish12 · 14/07/2013 11:56

Not sure about Dartagnon?!

What about Emil, Roman, Alex with Russell as the middle name.

fanjodisfunction · 14/07/2013 15:00

I agree with the other posters, use Russell and your DH's grandfathers name as the middle names and then set rules between you for a first name and find one you both like.

My DH wanted to name ours if a boy his dads name James and I wanted my beloved grandfathers name but in the end we chose neither it wasn't fair so we found a name we both liked.

MacCrackles · 14/07/2013 20:13

I agree with PP, is there any room for finding a first name you both love with two middle names fr

MacCrackles · 14/07/2013 20:17

Grrrr, sorry, as I was saying.. Middle names from each family? Our DS1 was named (in a way) after both of our Dad's and as my Dad recently passed it has made it all the more meaningful. His name is very different to both of theirs but has the same meaning. Is that an option?

MustafaCake · 14/07/2013 20:28

You need to find a first name that you both like and which works in english and in french,

Then have 2 middle names - Russell and one of your husband's family names.

I really like:

Emil
Theo
Louis
Lucas
Leo
Clement (Clem)
Maxime (Max)
Arthur

brokenhearted55 · 16/07/2013 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lotsofcheese · 16/07/2013 20:21

My French friend called her little boy Samuel Alexandre as both names were easily recognised/pronounced in their native languages.

zimbomaman · 16/07/2013 20:32

My DH is French too and the most important point we took into consideration when naming our DC was whether it could be pronounced easily by both families and didn't change too much between the two languages.

I've just asked my DH and DC how they would pronounce Russel. The answer: Roos elle. My 18yr old DD1's reaction - eew that's ugly. I imagine many of the French side of your family might think the same. Please don't get me wrong, Russel is a lovely name in itself (as I'm sure your DF was).

We chose a Celtic name which works well in both countries for our DS and then (as others have suggested) used both our DF's names as middle names. So, DS is R James Henri.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 16/07/2013 20:36

I can see why you feel so strongly. I think the advice to try and find a name you both love is best.

Fwiw Raphael is gorgeous . Round here (London, admittedly) it wouldn't be out of place

But I am concernedto hear how controlled you feel and that this name is the way you want to assert yourself. I'm a bit worried he won't entertain the idea.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 16/07/2013 20:36

What about Marcus?

Bowlersarm · 16/07/2013 20:42

Christ almighty brokenhearted55 do you really mean that?

Just because it is the woman that carries the baby and gives birth means that the dad, who is equally responsible for the planning, conception and future of the baby is dismissed, just like that?

Nice.

BiscuitDunker · 16/07/2013 20:47

Let me see if I've got this right...You're having a baby you didn't particulary want to have just to please him. He wanted a boy and mother nature has granted him that wish. He now also wants to be the one that names the baby so its done in his countires tradtional way and doesn't seem willing to budge...sorry is this both your baby or just his?! He's got 2 of his wishes granted already so I think he's being incredibly greedy to expect you to just go along with his choices of name too!

Personally I would put my foot down and say that in no uncertain terms is he getting his way with the name,at best his favourite of his choices can be a middle name. Then tell him you why you want to use your name of choice,if he really kicks up a fuss then say that as a compromise you will also use Russell as a middle name along with his favourite french choice but you will both decide on the first name,perhaps something english sounding but has a french meaning/origin or perhaps a french name (like louis as suggested earlier) that also works and sounds lovely in english and would suit a child of the description you mentioned. Fwiw I know a Louis who is a redhead and it very much suits him :)

Layl77 · 16/07/2013 20:50

^ completely agree, names you need to honour but arnt your cup of tea are for middle names.
I can't imagine calling a baby a name I didn't love. You'll be using it his whole life!

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 16/07/2013 20:54

Thanks all.

Ordinarily I very much believe in compromise - if baby had been a girl, we'd already compromised about a name & I'd given up my 'perfect' name that id wanted for years to go with one DH loved and I quite liked.

But the poster who says it seems DH has got everything he wanted & I've got nothing has sort of summed up how I'm feeling. I just want something about this baby to hold onto until it's born and one aspect that I'm really 100% happy with.

Of course there are some lovely French names out there. Just none that feel right to me - and believe me I've gone through 1000's. And I do like Raphael but again it just doesn't feel right - I don't want a name I'm embarrassed by or feel uncomfortable announcing. ESP as in order to use Russell as a mn, I'd inevitably have to also have a second middle name (his family) & to me that just emphasises the frilliness :s

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GiveMeVegemite · 16/07/2013 20:55

I always knew the names I wanted to name my DS and his brother (who is currently 28 weeks in my belly!) and slowly but surely dropped the names into conversation and bit by bit my husband just got used to them and even though he didn't agree at first, by the time I gave birth he had bonded with he name too (for DS1).

For DS2 he HATED the name I loved, but then I got him to look at baby name books and I think he got so overwhelmed he just agreed with me, but now he loves he name too! So happily got my first choice for first names and he picked the middle names out.

BiscuitDunker · 16/07/2013 20:59

Just had a thought...the girls name you had chosen,is the a male version of the name? You know like Ashleigh/Ashley and Alexandra/Alexanda? If there is perhaps that could be your compromised first name?

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 16/07/2013 21:04

It's a good idea BiscuitDunker - there is & I also like it. But he hates it for some unknown reason.

He hates basically all the names I like & I think the ones he likes are nice in theory but totally OTT and pretentious in reality. Plus I really want a name that has significance behind it...

OP posts:

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 16/07/2013 21:11

What does he say when you tell him what this name would mean?

I am trying to imagine what DH would say if I wanted a name this much, with this significance behind it?

zimbomaman · 16/07/2013 21:13

You say that your DH has everything he wants. Just would like to know where you are living? In the UK or France or another country altogether? If you are in the UK please know that your DH is making a very big compromise with regard to family and that you have all that essential emotional, famiar support around you. If you are in France, your argument would have more weighting.

Thomas, Paul, Hugo, Louis, Theo, Marc are unfrilly names that work well in both languages.

BiscuitDunker · 16/07/2013 21:30

Perhaps the name will grow on him,especially if you make it clear that he's not getting his way on the first name along with everything else?

I understand wanting something with a real meaning and significance behind it though,its easier said than done sometimes though...in some cases,such as yours where the differences are so extreme,it may be better to not have a first name with significance or meaning like a family name and better to go with a name you both just love and keeping the meaningfull names to middle names...

Why does naming babies have to be so difficult sometimes hey lol. We've struggled to find a name and middle name we both loved for our dd2,there are no family names we're struck on or want to use,but we've finally got there,now just got to wait for her to arrive. Fwiw I've bonded with my bump but I feel weird referring to her using the chosen name so I stick to calling her by her nn 'bean' as that's what she was dubbed before we found out the sex lol. So chosing a name may not mean you bond with your bump anymore than you already have but it will certainly give everyone the time to get used to it and for it to grow :)

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 16/07/2013 21:33

Zimbo we live in UK but not sure how that's relevant? Half of DH's family live in the UK too - we see them almost every week. He was already living in UK when I met him and had no plans to live in France. By the same token, my father was the only family member I was close to - he is dead and lived abroad anyway so please don't make assumptions. I also relocated the area of UK I lived in (where I DID have a good support network of friends) to move to where DH was working.

OP posts:

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