Disappointed with DD2's name

[DrumTummiedSnum]

I posted here asking for help pre DD2's arrival so have nc as would prefer not to say actual name...

So, gorgeous DD2 arrived three months ago. Pre birth, DP had been fairly useless with name discussions, which surprised me as we were unanimous on DD1 and it was a lovely part of the pregnancy knowing who was coming, iykwim. He dismissed the names I proposed early on (and which I really liked) but seemed to have good reasons why, e.g. associations or gut feelings. He suggested a couple but equally I didn't like them either.

So I hunted around for alternatives (and consulted MN!) and MIL helpfully waded in saying the name was the mum's prerogative, so I effectively had the final say.

I chose a fairly traditional English name which hasn't become really popular again but certainly isn't out of the ordinary. It isn't out of place with our surname and doesn't jar beside DD1's. I think it is a sweet, gentle name. She has a middle name, which DD1 chose (with quite a lot of coaching from DP) which I don't mind but didn't want as her first name.

But I find myself using other names when I speak to her (pet names like little chicken) or about her (like 'the baby' or a shortened version of her name) and it has been troubling me why this is. I now think i actually don't really like her name, for her. I feel so upset to have realised this and don't know what to do. I thought she would grow into it, become it as it were, and of course she still has time, but is becoming her own person now and I don't think it's her.

I don't have another name I think would be better as I ruled out what had been favourites and haven't committed to anything else, so it's not like the name she 'should' have is obvious. WWYD?

It always helps to know the name, and it would also help to know the name of DD1 as you were able to settle on that relatively easily.

I know, sorry, but I am feeling very upset about this and I desperately don't want anyone in RL to know I am doubting it. Her name is, as I say, not common and the combination of DDs 1 and 2 would out me. Sorry, hoping for some wise words without them if possible. Thanks

If you don't want to use her middle name, and 'don't have another name I think would be better' well....you'll just have to get used to the name you've given her.

I don't love all my children's names equally. Interestingly the one I liked the most as a newborn is the one I like least now they are teenagers.

Perhaps you need to develop a nice nickname for her.

You can re-register babies until they are one year old, so if you really don't like the name and have thought of one you'd prefer, you can get a new birth cert and start over. You can't change the surname though, just the first and/or middle names

(((((((((huge hugs)))))))))))))
don't worry about it too much, ex picked dd's name because he used to have a huge crush on the lady he named her after for months after she was born, i could not say her full name, i used a shortened version. now she's older, i use both.
(if this makes you laugh, i was keeping her name out of the message but had forgotten i had changed my username )

Maybe get a book of names and see if there is one you might prefer? Or one which has loads of nicknames so you have a range to choose from (eg Kathryn - Kate, Kay, Katie, kath etc). I called my ds by a variety of nicknames until he was 2, whereupon he suddenly grew into his name which suits him very well!

I had this.problem with me Dd's first name and it turned into full on anxiety/depression. I'm having treatment now and have realised my anxieties manifested themselves in worries over the name.

Of course, this very well might not be your problem but your post really struck a chord with me. I couldn't choose a new name, all I knew was that the original was 'wrong'. I couldn't talk about it without breaking down.

have you talked to anyone about this...your DP or other family? It might help you make sense of your feelings.

And yes, hugs to you...it's hard and confusing to feel like this.

DP basically chose DD's name. I like it in full, but didn't really think about the common shortened version we had agreed to use. When she was first born it just didn't seem to suit her, it really wasn't a baby name. And if I am being completely honest in some ways I still don't like it - if I stop and think about it, it is in no way a name I ever imagined my daughter would have.

Yet now, nearly a year and a half later... I love it on her. It's her name. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Just sharing to say that sometimes you don't always have a name that you utterly adore. Some names need to be grown in to. I would try and find a nickname or a shortened version of her first or middle name that you feel more comfortable with, if you can. You can of course change her name if you decide you really want to, but don't make a kneejerk reaction while you are feeling upset.

If someone found a list of names, would you give a number so the name isn't searchable on MN?

I am the same. Prolificnamechanger how did you get help as I'm going down a very bad path?!

I wonder if you are feeling this because you feel uncomfortable with the full responsibility for the name or because you are still sad that you and your DP didn't have the some fun picking out your second daughter's name? So it's an association thing rather than the name itself?

Is there a problem with using the shortened version of her name? Perhaps it just suits her better as a tiny baby? Names are for life and sometimes some forms fit better at particular times (which is why I like names that can be shortened).

I think you need to unpick your unhappiness because I do think the root cause might not be directly to do with the name you chose, which sounds as if it is probably lovely.

I know that I was very uncertain about dd's name for quite a while, which I told myself at the time was probably because we were so surprised she was a girl, but in retrospect was just a symptom of her birth going wrong and dh and I falling out really very badly.

I fixated so much on my name that I changed it. I now think perhaps I had mild PND or just lost all confidence when my parents said they hated the name.

Now I've changed and perhaps in a better place I don't know whether to leave the new name or change back... Def don't change the name as like people say it isn't the name but sleep deprivation and the enormity of being responsible for a new life.

Should I change back thou or move on? I'm worried I'll always regret it now.

Thanks for your replies. I have got really upset this evening as I have both realised and put into words what the problem is. But as you have prompted me to think, I do wonder whether it's a symptom of something else as well.

The name - I think it was partly because there was no obvious one like there was for DD1. Not just the fun of choosing it but no real dead cert favourite. It was a compromise but only me compromising really. I don't feel it. A family member has just had a DD and called her Georgie - and when I heard that I was quite emotional because I felt that one (it has a real connection). I had suggested Georgia, which was rejected by DH, but hadn't even thought of Georgie which means even more to me. But of course I certainly can't change to that as it's both unusual and now in the family. But the contrast between how I feel about that name and the one she has is marked.

Other stuff - I am starting to feel quite down, lots has happened since I became pregnant, some of which I found very stressful, and my current situation is not as I would have hoped, e.g. I'm back to work already and feel desperately sad to leave her. Not feeling very close to DH and don't want to discuss with him as he wasn't much help in the first place. Feeling quite alone with it all really.

Thanks everyone, I hadn't realised this was quite common so perhaps I'll try to just sit on these feelings and see how we go.

I think some names just aren't 'baby' names iyswim, they don't seem quite right on babies as they are mote grown up names and need to be grown into.

We call DD2 (age 3) by a rather cutesy nickname for her full name-everyone uses it and it suits her. But recently I have been trying to call her by her full name as I think she should use it when she starts school next year. It still feels strange to use it, even though I love the name.

My youngest 2 children have names I don't love. In both cases DH vetoed the name I wanted at the very last minute and we struggled to come up with anything. But I couldn't imagine either of them called anything else now. And I heard DC4's name on the TV recently and thought, yes I really like that name

OTOH DD1 has my all-time favourite name. When she was a few weeks old we were avoiding calling her it because we didn't want to shorten it, but it seemed too big and grown up for such a tiny baby. So we used a silly nickname for her until she was about 3 (just us- the rest of the family used her real name) and she 'grew into' her proper name.

You can change your baby's name until she is a year old, so you've got plenty of time to decide what to do. If you really really don't like the name, change it. Otherwise see if you can use a nickname for now. It doesn't even need to be related to her real name.

Op and prolific name changer - I too have been in exactly the same boat. Two years on I feel a lot better about DS's name... I think I had a bit of depression after the birth and focused my anxiety onto the name as something tangible to worry about. I'm sure it will get easier for you. Don't be ashamed of your feelings; perhaps admitting your feelings to someone you trust might help. Hope things get easier for you.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down about it

Your Dd2 has a very special name as it was in part chosen by her sister! That's a great thing for them to have.

How old is your dd? It might just take a while to get used to it as it wasn't a name you always thought you'd use iyswim

And yes, children do grow into their names especially the more grown up sounding ones.

Nothing to contribute really that anyone else hasn't already said but don't feel bad for the way you feel as you can see you're not the only one and I'm sure you'd love your dd regardless of her name!

I don't like ds4's name if I'm honest, ex chose it and I think I was pressured into it in the end, and now there is nothing I can do about it as I can't change his name without exes permission.

My second son is called Alexander and for me it was kind of a compromise name (I wanted Edward or Samuel). It didn't have any particular meaning for me, and I especially wasn't that keen on Alex as a nickname. I felt the same as you for the first few months, possibly the first six months or more, thinking of him as "the baby", "Teddy" (what I wanted to call him!), "my little Lexigon" etc etc.

But he is three now and I really like the name, love it actually, can't imagine him as anything else. I partly like the name more now because it is his name, if you see what I mean. But also I have part subconciously, part consciously, looked out for nice connections with Alexs and Alexanders around and about, in history, literature etc and almost fuelled my liking of the name that way too. Sorry, that was a rubbish explanation, I hope my meaning comes across!

I still don't think we got our DS's name rightt, and he's 4!
If something else leaps out at you, then go for it, and change it.

I had this with DD2 (made worse by the fact I was SO certain that DD1's name was 'her') it just didn't seem to suit her. She is, and always has been very independent and it just seemed like she needed a bigger name, something like Madeline (rather then Daisy)... But she's almost 3 now and its only in about the past 6 months I've started to think it is her name and I love it! And other people who I'd spoken to before and had agreed with me, now think Daisy is totally her name now too (it suits her very very cheeky side that's been appearing more and more over the last year! )

I feel like that about my first child's name. I think that's why I sometimes hang about on here. BUT it does matter a lot less than it used to!

You sound pretty down OP, the name may be part of something bigger, I realise going back to work is a huge step but please talk to your GP or HV if you are finding things tough going.

Op, it does sound as tho you have lots on your mind, lots of pressures. It could very well be that you are focusing on the name because, as someone else mentioned, it is something tangible and also something that is changeable. Not that you should change it. But that possibility is there.

Lion cubs, I got help by going to the hv who referred me to a mental health worker. Now having counselling.

The thing is, all our children probably have great names that other people love. But that isn't the point with this sort of anxiety. And in a way, that makes it harder to understand. It can seem so irrational and trivial to anyone looking in.

Op, please confide in someone in real life and get some support. Hugs.