Can't agree on a surname!

[nappyaddict]

Me and DP want a baby, however he does not agree that the baby should have both of our surnames.

I see it as both of us passing on our names to be carried on. DP sees it as neither of us passing on our names and the baby having a different surname to us. He says he could understand more if I was arguing for the baby to have just my surname, but I don't want that either!!

Everyone we know IRL thinks I'm weird for wanting the baby to have both of our surnames. They don't understand why I don't want it to have just DP's surname. But then they think you're not properly married if you don't want to change to your DH's surname.

DP doesn't really want me to have both surnames if we get married either. He hates the idea of me not just taking his surname. He says it offends him that I don't want to have his surname but if that's what I want to do then as a compromise he'll agree to that as long as the children can have just his surname.

Fed up of arguing over it, it gets brushed under the carpet for so long and then out it comes again. Really getting me down :( Should I just go with his compromise?

After months and months of argueing my son got both our names.. I refused to give in!

Don't let him win if you really don't want to give up your name!

SVN So do you have your maiden name, the children have a double-barrelled name and DH have his surname?

DP and I aren't married so I have my own surname but I had no problem whatsoever with DS getting his surname - in fact didn't even cross my mind that he shouldn't. I'm as feminist as they come and have had many an argument discussion about women's rights with some of the shall we say rather "antiquated" ideas of my southern European DP. But......I just think that relationships are a partnership and it needs a bit of give and take on both sides. If it's something that would really make him happy or make him feel a bit down then why not? If he's a decent nice guy then I'm sure he does stuff against his better interests for you sometimes. And just think, if you do let the baby have his surname you'll have a good negotiating tool for a while .
I've got a friend that insisted on exactly this and 7 years on she says she can't believe why she got so bothered about it and now says that the fact that her daughter has a double barrelled surname that is different from both her and her now husband is a total faff.

Nappy addict - yes, essentially. It doesn't cause us any problems with regard to school, doctors etc. and the children can see the derivative of their surname in ours.

Tell him YOU are deeply offended that he won't change his surname to yours. Then agree to compromise on all going double barrelled.