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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Which would you choose? Dilemma.

40 replies

tryingtochoose · 16/12/2012 21:26

Hello, Dh and me cannot agree on either first name or who's surname DC will have (I kept my maiden name when we married). So, after much debate, we have decided that one of us will choose the first name and DC will have the other's surname. We have decided not to double barrell.

Dh said he's not too bothered which so i can decide which option to choose!

So, which would you choose for your baby - first name or surname? What would you see as the pros and cons of each option?

OP posts:

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TotallyEggFlipped · 16/12/2012 21:28

I'd chose to pick the first name. If you have a girl, she may decide to change her surname when she gets married. A first name is more personal and gets used more.

Jemma1111 · 16/12/2012 21:42

I think you should give your child your surname , simply because of the possibility of you and your dh separating in the future (hopefully not though!).
How would you feel if you become a single parent and your child has a different name ?

You say your H is not too bothered so therefore you could suggest using your surname and then get the baby name book out and let him believe he's choosing the first name whilst you give him loads of help with it !

ILikeRed · 17/12/2012 08:58

That's a horrendous thing to say! The baby will still be her DH's child even if they did separate!

Startail · 17/12/2012 09:06

Jemma1111, that's horrible, some of us still believe marriage means something.
And as somelikeitred day's it's his DD too!

I'd have said first name, because I've known since I was about 11 what I'd call a DD.
(Since the day I found my fav. Great aunt had a nice second name, I couldn't call the poor child Gertrude could I?)

shoppingtrolley · 17/12/2012 12:51

I think you should have your surname. Our child has my surname and I really love it. Even more great if it's a girl as she may then do the same when she marries and has kids. How amazing would it be to have a name passed down the maternal line for several generations?! Good luck. Sounds like you've got a modern and fun husband too.

RillaBlythe · 17/12/2012 12:54

I would give my surname hands down.

NotAnotherPackedLunch · 17/12/2012 12:58

We went with my surname, but jointly chose DD's name from DH's family tree. Does your DH's family have any significant names that appear more than once in his family tree?

Lamazeroo · 17/12/2012 12:59

Surname definitely.

Lamazeroo · 17/12/2012 13:01

I really hope that by the time this child is old enough to be married we will have done away with the archaic misogynistic tradition of women taking men's surnames upon being wed.

TessOfTheBaublevilles · 17/12/2012 13:04

If it were me, I'd opt for the child having DH's surname, and I get to pick the first name.

I could live happily with my child having a different surname, but I couldn't live happily if my DH ended up picking a first name I didn't like that much.

To put it another way, you're going to call your child by his/her first name most of the time, so make sure it's something you like.

LondonElfInFestiveCheerBoots · 17/12/2012 13:06

I'd chose the first name and give the child DDad's surname, but stick my surname in as a second middle name - or is that cheating?

supadupapupascupa · 17/12/2012 13:07

first name. couldn't live with a name i didn't like....

FoofFighter · 17/12/2012 13:08

My OH and I will not be marrying, so have decided if it is a girl she will take my surname, if it's a boy, his. I think that is fair. I couldn't imagine not jointly picking a first name though. Could you agree to something like this?

shoppingtrolley · 17/12/2012 13:16

To give more detail, what we did was pre-decide that the baby would have my surname and then we made a name shortlist (of about 6 names) together. After the birth DH was allowed to pick which name from our shortlist we gave her. This way he got to choose, but knew he was choosing something we both liked.

Yama · 17/12/2012 13:42

I would choose my surname (and did).

simplesusan · 18/12/2012 00:02

I would choose surname.

sashh · 18/12/2012 07:18

So, which would you choose for your baby - first name or surname? What would you see as the pros and cons of each option?

Have you read "we have to talk about Kevin"?

I'd choose surname, but if you have another will they have the same name?

WhispersOfWickedness · 18/12/2012 07:30

I wouldn't be in your position as it was very important to me that everyone has the same surname, so I changed mine when we got married. The reason it was so important was that I spent a large proportion of my childhood not sharing a surname with either of my parents so that, along with the divorce and remarriages, meant that I have deep associations between having different surnames and a lack of 'belonging'. BTW, I specifically changed mine because I had a horrible surname for which I was teased and he had a lovely normal one; if it had been the other way round, I would have insisted he changed to mine
I'm also pretty uncomfortable with only one parent choosing a name that the other potentially dislikes. Are there really no names that you both like?!

legalalien · 18/12/2012 07:34

London elf - that's what we did.

I say - depends what the surnames are :)

roughtyping · 18/12/2012 07:53

Surname. And I think Jemma is a realist!

My DS has my surname.

Jakeyblueblue · 18/12/2012 08:11

I agree with Gemma and roughty. It happened to one of my friends, dad did a disappearing act totally out of the blue and the fact that her and dd had different surnames, caused problems. Eventually she changed it by deed poll but it cost her a fair bit to do it.
I'd pick surname and then suggest loads of names you love to make him think he thought of the first name

Purplelooby · 18/12/2012 10:31

I also didn't change my name when I got married. DS has both of our surnames but not double barrelled - rather in the Spanish way where one is like a middle name. I would honestly just try to agree on a first name - it took most of the pregnancy for DH and I to agree on one, but we got there!

Of course, the disadvantage is that DH now has 4 names as we also wanted a middle name, but I figure he'll manage!

PickledInAPearTree · 18/12/2012 10:33

I'd go with choosing the name and plopping in my surname too.

But my surname is not that important to me.

beckie90 · 18/12/2012 12:44

Although yes gemma is right and people do dissapear out of there children's life I think the OP would be pretty sure if her husband is capable of that or not.

My 2 ds's have there farthers surname were still together and I know for a fact he would never dissapear on our children so I chose to give them his surname, I don't mind that my name is not the same as theres I'm still there mum and a surname dusnt change that and we are planning on marrying any how. I had my farthers surname before my mum n dad married so thats just how I thought it should be for me personally.

I would want to pick the child's first name, but thats just me x

PickledInAPearTree · 18/12/2012 12:52

Purple "DS has both of our surnames but not double barrelled - rather in the Spanish way where one is like a middle name."

My friend has this its nice. Its on the Passport and birth cert as

Baby Middle Surname Surname but she is known generally as Baby Surname but its passing down the name all the same if thats important to you.

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