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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Which would you choose? Dilemma.

40 replies

tryingtochoose · 16/12/2012 21:26

Hello, Dh and me cannot agree on either first name or who's surname DC will have (I kept my maiden name when we married). So, after much debate, we have decided that one of us will choose the first name and DC will have the other's surname. We have decided not to double barrell.

Dh said he's not too bothered which so i can decide which option to choose!

So, which would you choose for your baby - first name or surname? What would you see as the pros and cons of each option?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Jemma1111 · 18/12/2012 20:36

Ilikered, startail and beckie90

It's a fact of life that many couples unfortunately do split up , many don't of course . However, I'm being realistic and trying to give the best advice .

Oh , and its being very naive of someone to say that they know for a fact that their partner won't do a disappearing act on their children !
I know of women who used to say that smugly , guess what happened .

NO ONE can foresee the future !

LynetteScavo · 18/12/2012 20:47

Well presumably you like your surname. My maiden name was awful, so I couldn't wait to change it when I married, and am really pleased the DCs have DH's surname.

Otherwise I would go with my surname....but then DH has some awful ideas about first names.....

I really like having the same surname as my DC.

My friend gave her first born her surname, and her second born her DP's surname (although officially both names are on BC), then they spit up shortly after the third DC was born, and although third DC also officially has both names, he has only ever been known by her surname. Did you follow that?

mamaLou13 · 18/12/2012 23:13

I think a child should have their dad's surname personally

Lamazeroo · 19/12/2012 02:37

Why is that - as a mark of possession?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 02:50

jemma according to your logic all children should have their mother's surname whether married or not incase their parent's split up.

and also why should a father not think about how he would feel if he ends up as a single parent and the child doesn't have his name?

children have two parents.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 02:52

Op i would prefer to choose the first name as there is far more freedom. when choosing a surname you are really restricted to A or B and whereas with first names you can really go crazy (if you want)

mathanxiety · 19/12/2012 03:29

I don't think the apportioning of surname and first name choices is a good way to do this. What if you have a second child? Will a second child have the same surname as the first?

Better to either double barrel or pick a name out of a hat for the surname and stick with that for all subsequent babies too, and for the first (and middle names) write a list of 20 first names each, from which you both get to veto 8, leaving 12 each to work with. Ground rules are no differently spelled versions of same name (Isobel/Isabelle) and no names of ex girlfriends or boyfriends perhaps?

If you have the choice, choose the first name and let DH choose the surname. Hopefully the name you choose will 'go' with the surname he chooses but you can sound out the two choices with first names and see what appeals to you.

mathanxiety · 19/12/2012 03:30

A mother's surname is usually the surname of her father so we are back to names of forefathers as opposed to foremothers even if a mother's name is the surname.

Jemma1111 · 19/12/2012 06:07

Santa

Lets face it, the vast majority of the time its the mother who looks after the children after a split and thats why I would advise any unmarried mum to give her child her surname.

I'm entitled to my opinion aswell as everyone else is!

nooka · 19/12/2012 06:29

The OP is married.

I wouldn't be happy with either option because I think it's important that parents choose names for their children together.

merlottits · 19/12/2012 06:38

I wanted all of us the have the same surname so changed my name when married and changed by DS's surname (DH adopted him). Obviously our biological children have gone on to have the same surname.

I would not in a million years have tolerated having a different name to my children. I can't empathise with single women who automatically let their partners give the children their surname.

If I was you I would change my name to your DH's, give your kids his surname and pick the first name.

Lamazeroo · 19/12/2012 07:31

Why not her DH change his name to hers?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 13:39

" I can't empathise with single women who automatically let their partners give the children their surname. "

or single men who automatically let their partners give the children their surname? or is it just female parents that matter?

i agree, why cant the DH change his surname?

Bigboybed · 23/12/2012 19:30

I'd choose for them to have my surname.Your DH sounds like a nice guy and I can't imagine him choosing a name unless you both like it if he has been so open-minded about this.I sort of have a different surname from my kids some of the time,I kept my maiden name professionally and on lots of other things like passport & banks as it was easier.So when we travel I am Ms X and the kids are Master Y and I would prefer it if we were all X or Y.Schools seem pretty good at learning all the right surnames for everyone and trying to work out the relationships if parents & kids have different names though but it's nice not to have to explain.

copyandpaste · 24/12/2012 03:38

I'd choose first name! Just cause that's what they get called all the time and would affect them much more than the surname. I have the same surname as my mum and tbh it made NO difference, except people often call my dad by the same surname as me and me by the same as my dads.

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