Made a mistake - what would you do? Time running out...

[Haarlemmer]

I've always felt I've/we've made a mistake in naming our DS. I posted about this when he was quite tiny but for various reasons, have done nothing about it, other than find myself regularly in tears to my husband, telling him I just don't feel that DS feels/looks like his name.

So we're coming up to the one year crunch point (and his christening this weekend), and I'd like your advice.

DH happy to add a name but doesn't want to change DS' first name. I feel I must respect that. So what order?

Current name is Dominic Robert V...
I've always wanted to call him Alexander
Which order do the initials look better and what flows better? Is it too much of a mouth full?

People who have added/changed names: did it help?

Would your DH be happy about calling him Alexander?

DARV / DRAV, nothing jumps out at me in a 'he'll get bullied for that at school' kind of way.

Alexander's a lovely name by the way. And I know what you mean about them 'suiting' their name.

My hunch is that there is some unresolved issue between you and your partner about how the name of your son was decided upon. Is adding a name really going to resolve the problem? Middle names are pretty inconsequential - and might you want the name for another child? Sorry if I'm way off the mark but I think we need to understand the background. Perhaps you could link to your old thread?

If his first name is Dominic and your dh doesn't want to change that, then I agree that adding additional middle names is not going to change his name.

Middle names are rarely used, most people don't even know the middle names of their friends, so I agree that adding Alexander or another name does not address the issue of you not being happy with his name, I'm afraid.

Thanks for your comments.

Leftwing and Mayanna - my DH would actually agree with you! He's worried that there will still be something troubling me. Our problem was that we never came up with names that either liked and before DS was born, we moved jobs, house and country so having the time to discuss names always felt like a bit of a luxury. If DD had been a boy, she would have been called Felix which we both loved but a very good friend who was due exactly the same time as us had a still born at 21 weeks whom she called Felix. We felt it was totally inappropriate to even consider that for our child.

Dominic was a very last minute suggestion from me (yes I know - but I don't think I ever thought DH would like it) and well it's all a bit of a haze after the birth in terms of the decision making process.

My problem with Dominic is that I don't like the nickname Dom - and because we never really discussed names enough - I don't think we thought through the consequences. We used to live in Holland - where one day we might return - and Dom means stupid/thick etc. By giving him an extra middle name - he then has the choice, if he wants it.

JammySplodger - glad you agree about suiting the name. My little boy is a bit of red head ('strawberry blond'!) and somehow to me Dominic suits boys with dark hair (which he was born with).

Sorry but I'm going to be frank here. Absolutely NOT! You can't change such an important thing as a name, adding in a name is not going to change his christian name. Dominic will know his name now and so will every-one else. If you'd have changed it immediately then fair enough.

You need to look at ways that you may want to change your baby (hard I know) or something about your-self and the name is masking your issue.

Could you live with Nick instead of Dom as a nickname?

(Or Nix, for cool teenagedom)

Link to the old thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/baby_names/a1354234-Dominic-reassurance-please

Thanks for all your other messages.

Nick/Nicho isn't really an option as that is BIL's name.

I still feel adding a name isn't like removing/completely changing a name. My daughter answers to quite a few different names, and my poor son probably thinks he's called 'young man' or 'little one'.

Moving countries and building a new home does make you quite introspective - but I've done quite a bit of soul searching about this very issue and can't come up with anything else. I delayed changing names despite my gut feelings right at the beginning because I thought I could live through it. But nearly a year on - I really can say that DS is and will remain Dominic but I know that I've given him another name that he could use later should he so wish.

I think there is no harm in adding another middle name. Either it will never be used / feature in which case it being there doesn't cause any problems, or your son might want to use it later in which case you'll be glad you added it! Either way if it helps you to feel better then I say go for it.

Go ahead and add the extra name. There's plenty of time for him to become know by a new name.

My DH was known by his first name till he was about 6/7, after that he started using his middle name. He just dropped his first name. As he had changed his name by common usage his middle name is now officially his name.

Our marriage certificate has his name as "Bob DawnOfTheDee formerly known as Bill DawnOfTheDee"*

*names have been changed to protect identity

Sounds as if it's only me that thinks that calling a child Dominic and then calling it Alexander because you don't like it, thinks it's weird?

Well it's probably fair to say it's a rare occurrence but I wouldn't go so far as weird..

I know someone who is always known by her middle name, from birth, because her parents liked both names but the order sounded funny if they put their favourite name first.

Do you need to add Alexander? Couldn't you call him Robert?

Or just always call him Dominic and never Dom?

My DB has a name which is typically shortened but in our family he's always been known by the long version and he used to hit me if I tried to call him by the short version but then left home and is now always known by it

'Don' as in Don Corleone meaning 'lord' is derived from 'Dominus', as is Dominic. How about Don or Donnie as a nickname?

My son has a 3 syllable name, which tbh I don't really like! Both DH and I liked the shortened version of it, and I know no one who uses the long version of this name (apart from their parents!).

But we always called him by the full version, and it's stuck. He's now 12 and doesn't like the short version (may well change when he's older).

So if the only reason you don't like the name is because of the shortened version, don't worry too much and just keep with the full version. DS's friend is called Dominik, and he also isn't known by any other name.

If it helps, I was called one name at birth, it was changed once home from hospital to another name, then at the age of 4 I was given a different one again. My twin sister went through the same situation as well.

We both have always known our 'proper' BC names but are known by and use the names we were given at age 4. It's never really been an issue, except when I got my first proper passport. I wanted my 'known as' name on it, not my BC name. I explained this and was granted the passport.

If you like Alexander, do it now. He's only 1. Our 16mo is only just getting to realise she has a name, and we call her all kinds of nonsense on the side too. He'll adapt.

Good luck anyway!

If you are regularly in tears over it then change it, your baby wont know it yet, it's just another word to him.

Personally I don't think simply adding Alexander as a middle name will make you feel any better about calling him Dominic.

If you really don't like it, bite he bullet and change it now. Don't just add a name, make him Alexander Robert Z. Anything else will leave you just as unhappy as you are now because he will still be called Dominic.

He's not quite 1. This is the best time to change it. The longer it goes the harder it will be.

I would just go for it, maybe changing his name to Alexander Dominic V and losing the Robert (unless it is a family name). You have been upset by this too long already, don't let it drag on any longer.

However, you don't say what your DH thinks of Alexander as a name, does he know this is your preferred option? You need to make this decision together, good luck.

I know several people who are known by their middle name, it seems quite common, so you can add Alexander and call him that. I also know a family whose baby at nearly one is now known by a completely different name altogether as they feel it suits him better (it does). So do whatever feels best. Dominic could be shifted to middle name status easily, or Alexander added and then used as the given name. Don't live with something you don't like and don't feel suits him.

Hang on. Are you actually intending to change the name you call him by, or just add a middle name that he can use in future if he wants to??

If you are intending to change the name you call him by - that's rather unusual at this stage and sounds like your DH wouldn't be happy with it?

If you are just intending to add a middle name that he can use in future if he wants, then I see no issues. I think the order of the names would be fine either way. However, sounds like that may not really satisfy you?

BTW I like both Dominic and Alexander - they are my top 2 contenders if I ever have a boy! And I am likely to have redheads... In fact the first Dominic I met was a redhead.

My cousin went by a totally different name until he was 4 when he became his middle name, it was strange for a few months maybe but now 20 years on I never give it a second thought. I'm from Wales and I have no idea whether it is a Welsh thing or coincidence but I have at least 8 family members (from both sides so not restricted to one side of family) that go by their middle name rather than given name including my Mum. It seems perfectly normal to me. I would put Alexander first of the middle names just in case you choose to revert to that one day.

OP said that her DH does not want to change the first name, Dominic, so I wouldn't think it was fair to change the name to Alexander if both parents aren't keen on the idea. I also think that at age 1 children start to recognise words and certainly know their name.