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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Family middle names.....

47 replies

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 19:33

Our ds's middle name is my late fathers name - we gave it to him as a tribute to my father and so he has a little bit of the grandad he will never meet.

We are now expecting our second dc and DH has mentioned in passing that this child's middle name should be one from his side of the family. I'm not too bothered about this (although they already have his family surname) apart from the fact that his family have AWFUL names. Seriously bad names. There's no way I'm lumping my dc with their names.

Anyone been in this position? How do you think I should play it?

TIA

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LittleSugaPlum · 27/08/2012 19:42

My daughter (due in 7 weeks) will have my mothers middle name as her middle name which is Elizabeth. So DD will be called Devon Elizabeth.

DH family have traditional names like Mary, Thereasa etc and as DH doesnt like these names, he didnt want to include them in our DD name!

It depends what the names are i guess and if they will go with your chosen first name.

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 19:59

They don't go with any name!!!

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LittleSugaPlum · 27/08/2012 20:07

Well if they dont sound right, i wouldnt use them even if your other half really wanted it.

At the end of the day, a name is for life, your child could hate their name for the rest of their life, its not fair to give them a horrible name just because its in the family.

MrsTrellisOfSouthWales · 27/08/2012 20:09

Are any of them wonderfully awful, like Maurice or Beryl?

Are any of them the names of someone so nice you could forget the name is not one you'd chose otherwise?

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 20:13

They are both wonderfully awful but don't want to out myself or offend anyone with the same names. But they are worse than the ones you mentioned :)

I won't be giving dc2 their names. I just dont know how to deal with DH. And I'm hoping the IL's won't be expecting anything as they are prone to tantrums if they don't get their own way......

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Ambi · 27/08/2012 20:18

DD has MILs name as a middle name which is awful. I omit it from all paperwork which doesn't require her birth certificate. This one will be Kendra for a middle name which is not the prettiest name, it's a mix of my dying Gdad Ken and my DM Sandra.

LittleSugaPlum · 27/08/2012 20:27

Stuff the inlaws, its not their child, its yours and you name the baby what you like!

As for DH, maybe you could try alittle reverse pychology??

For example:

How would you like it if you had a middle name that was old fashioned/horrible and kids at school picked on you for it? Do you really want our child to go through that?

Or you could try abit of a firmer tone...

Our child has your family surname, so its only fair that they have their middle names from my family, and if you dont like it then TOUGH!

AThingInYourLife · 27/08/2012 20:29

The whole point of middle names is that it doesn't matter if they are awful.

Your middle name is almost a secret.

It's an easy way to name a child after someone important without calling them the same name.

It's pretty unreasonable of you to name your first son after your father and then refuse to allow your second child to be named after anyone on your husband's side.

It's not about the niceness of the name, it's about the recognition of the connection.

I had this a bit with DH when I was expecting DD2

"How about Bridget for a middle name?"
"Eugh, I can't stand the name Bridget!"
"Um... I'm suggesting we call her after your mother." :o

We did call her Bridget (a name I like a lot, but I would have given her whatever MIL's name was, and she was really touched. It turned out she had been named after her own mother (who went by another name, but was Christened Bridget).

Just embrace the hickey names - honouring his family is worth a middle name you don't care for.

Nobody uses middle names, it doesn't matter if they are old fashioned and out of favour if they tell a good story.

AThingInYourLife · 27/08/2012 20:31

"Our child has your family surname, so its only fair that they have their middle names from my family, and if you dont like it then TOUGH!"

Yeah, middle names are definitely worth a row with your spouse

waitingtobeamummy · 27/08/2012 20:34

If its a boy could you do your dh's mothers maiden name? I don't know why but I don't think it sounds right for a girl.
Or family nicknames? Or a shortened version of awful name?

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 20:37

Athinginyourlife - do you not remember the bullying in school to do with middle names??! I'd much prefer to honour dc2 with a decent name than to cause dishonour to the IL's by not using theirs. Besides, the reason we used my fathers name is because he is dead - as a tribute to him and because he'll never be a part of our children's loves. Both IL's are still with us and very much a part of the children's lives. Please dont tell me I'm being unreasonable when you don't even know the names in question!!! And DH has a very small family (that he actually knows) so the choice isn't great!!

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OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/08/2012 20:49

What's DHs name like? Could the new baby have his name in the middle if it's a boy?

If the names really are awful, then don't agree to this. Like you said, the in laws name will be carried on by your dc having it as their surname, and they are still alive.

It's really very unfair of your dh to make out that you using your deceased Fathers name means that it's his families turn now. The two things are not at all the same. And he agreed to using your Dads name, presumably without putting conditions on it. He can't just change the goalposts now, it's not right.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/08/2012 20:51

The other things that makes it different is that you were using your Fathers name but it sounds like your dh will be happy with anyone's name as long as its from his side of the family. That's just not how it works. You name babies after particular people because they are special and you want to honour or remember them, not as a tit for tat exercise to make sure you get your fair share.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 27/08/2012 20:55

My DD has my late Nan's name as her middle name. We agreed if we had boy it would have a name from DH side and girl from mine. IF we ever have another though we will give them a name from his side girl or boy

I think it's nice to have something passed down.

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 21:00

Outraged you are right. I think DH will be ok about it tbh, I think he's more worried about what his parents reaction will be (as I said they're prone to tantrums). But this is something I will definitely put my foot down on because the poor child has to live with the name forever.

DH's name is ok and very usable as a middle name. That's quite a good idea thanks :)

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NoComet · 27/08/2012 21:01

Any reasonable second names or NNs.

DD1 has my great aunts second name, her first was Gladys

DH has a really awful family second name and got teased every time his class found out ( ie at the start of every year). Don't do it.

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 21:02

Squishy I agree it's nice to pass a name down but only if they're nice names! :)

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rosy71 · 27/08/2012 21:03

Does your dh have any particular name in mind and any reason for using it? Do you have any names in mind? Ds2 has my granddad's name as his middle name. It's been used as a name in my dad's family for generations and I liked that about it, particularly as the boys have dp's surname. My sister's ds2 has the same middle name which is a nice family connection too. It's also a very nice name - I wouldn't have used it if it wasn't.

If I had any more children (which I won't), I'd also like them to have a middle name from my family. They've got dp's surname. I wouldn't be averse to one from dp's family, but it would ahve to be nice and there'd have to be a reason behind it. If I were you, I'd start thinking of some alternative middle names myself!

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 21:05

None of Dhs family have mn which I find quite unusual?

My FIL's name can be shortened to Mal which isn't too bad. Shortened versions of MIL's name are just as bad as the full version! Plus she hates all nn versions of her name so it'd defeat the purpose anyway!

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Pancakeflipper · 27/08/2012 21:06

My FIL has an amazing middle name. I cannot type it as it would out me as I have never met anyone with it as a first name. Though I did giggle the first time I found out that was his middle name.

It's been handed down forever and is a historic name and I knew we would have to use it for our son. We did. And actually I have grown to love the fact it's odd, makes people go "eh?" and the fact it's passed on for another generation. And as we don't use middle names in daily life it hasn't made much difference to my kid.

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 21:13

Pancake I think that's ace - the name means something to your family and has been passed down for donkey years.

Unfortunately DH's family have no such names that have been passed down. They're just bog standard normal (but particularly awful) names :)

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AThingInYourLife · 27/08/2012 21:13

No, I don't remember bullying over middle names.

I guess if you're planning to raise your children to do whatever they can to avoid ever being a source of amusement to any of their peers, then choose names you think are unobjectionable to bullies.

"Squishy I agree it's nice to pass a name down but only if they're nice names!"

Whether a name is nice or not is a matter of opinion, not of fact.

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 21:17

Yes because wanting to give a child a nice name is the same as raising them to never be an object of mirth to their peers Purleese.

Yes nice names are a matter of opinion. As the child's mother I think my opinion is quite important. DH also thinks the names in question are awful.

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wigglybeezer · 27/08/2012 21:23

You could do us us Scots do and use a family surname as a middle name , my ds1 has my maiden name as his middle name, what's your MIL's maiden name?

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 21:32

Greenwood

Not sure about using it but its a possibility I suppose. Better than her first name anyway :)

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