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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Family middle names.....

47 replies

AlfieBear87 · 27/08/2012 19:33

Our ds's middle name is my late fathers name - we gave it to him as a tribute to my father and so he has a little bit of the grandad he will never meet.

We are now expecting our second dc and DH has mentioned in passing that this child's middle name should be one from his side of the family. I'm not too bothered about this (although they already have his family surname) apart from the fact that his family have AWFUL names. Seriously bad names. There's no way I'm lumping my dc with their names.

Anyone been in this position? How do you think I should play it?

TIA

OP posts:

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Spammertime · 27/08/2012 23:32

Well AThing, I BET you have a nice normal middle name. I don't, and I'm not putting it here as it would totally out me. I still remember the dread of filling in forms at school, school trips etc where people would say... and what does the A stand for? It was horrible.

Anyone who says you never use or have to divulge middle names has got a normal (or at least unembarrassing) name!

OP, is there some derivation you could use? Or what's DMILs maiden name?

Spammertime · 27/08/2012 23:33

Sorry, just saw maiden name idea already suggested

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/08/2012 23:43

I remember pisstaking over a middle name at school, but then one of my friends had the middle name Tuesday. She was quite popular though and didn't let anyone take the piss for long. Her Mum was very hippie and we all liked her, so I know my friends was embarrased but it could have been worse.

I also have a Scottish surname as a middle name among the men in my family, and I like it.

ninjawomble · 27/08/2012 23:45

how about 2 middle names ? Use the family name third. Middle names don't get used often, and even when they do, more likely to just use first and second names in full with initial for 3rd (I used this tactic myself with family middle name !). DC is usually addressed as Ninja Womble A Lastname. Sometimes there isn't enough room to write 2 middle names on forms - what a shame - you could always go for an extra long middle name so you have to use just initial for the family middle name !

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/08/2012 23:56

That is an excellent idea ninja!

NeitherShreddedNorSmug · 28/08/2012 00:12

I was about to suggest 2 middle names but ninja beat me to it!

All the boys in DH's family have had the same family middle name for several generations (including his Dad, uncle, cousins). So both our DS's also have that middle name, as well as one we chose. As it happens, both the middle names we chose are connected to my side of the family, but it wasn't a deliberate 50/50 split .

mathanxiety · 28/08/2012 04:50

Greenwood is rather nice imo.

I would seriously consider it -- it has a lot going for it as a name, and your MIL might be pleased that her family name would be honoured.

Or A B Greenwood Surname might work too.

AThingInYourLife · 28/08/2012 07:37

Making choices about how you raise your child based on fears of them being teased is pretty weak, and refusing to use any family names from one side of the family definitely counts.

Or it would if that was really your reason.

In fact you're using the bullying argument entirely disingenuously to get your own way. It's a common tactic amongst the manipulative and hypocritical.

You are prepared to hurt your husband and his family for the sake of a "nice" middle name. That's up to you. But it has fuck all to do with bullying.

You just don't think his family deserves the same recognition as yours.

Must be ace having immortal in laws, though.

Flosie1989 · 28/08/2012 08:28

athinginyourlife I think to a certain extent it has got something to do with bullying. Maybe not the whole reason but certainly part of it.

When DP and I were going through names for our DD sometimes we'd be like "no we can't choose that she'd get really picked on at school!" etc etc. All kids get picked on at some point during school but if its avoidable then great!

alfie if you don't feel comfortable with the names then I'd do what the others have suggested. You could either use your DP's name, have two middle names or you could try and create one that includes a bit of their name

DD has got my late mothers name for a middle name and I think if we were to have another girl I would have MIL's name as middle name but I'll be honest in saying that it's only because it's nice! If it was something awful then I wouldn't even entertain the idea.

The other thing you can do is find out your in laws middle names and see if they are any better and use them?

Good luck!

Flosie1989 · 28/08/2012 08:30

"you just dont think his family deserve the same recognition as yours" is a pretty harsh statement athinginyourlife

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 28/08/2012 08:56

Athinginyourlife - your comment is so ridiculous it made me laugh.

Thank you everyone else for your sensible comments, they've been really helpful and have opened up some new possibilities.

We have a bit of time to work out a name so hopefully we can come up with a name everyone likes. But if that's not a name from DH side of family then so be it - the DC is my main priority :)

OP posts:

Yorky · 28/08/2012 09:08

We have 4DC
DS1 is named after my Grandad
DD1 has my (and my mum's) middle name
DD2 has my Dad's name as his middle name
DD2's middle name is from my favourite great aunt

DH's family do not feature in any of the DCs names, I kept offering to include DH's middle name but he doesn't actually like it. No one has spat their dummy out (which surprised me!) but I love all the DCs names :)

HoratiaWinwood · 28/08/2012 09:22

DS1 has a family surname as a middle name - but it's Matthew so doesn't look like a surname IYSWIM.

DS2 was going to have a family middle name as middle name - his two grandfathers have the same first name which we only didn't use for DS1 because it sounded ridiculous with his first name. But then GFIL died just a few days before he was born, so we felt we ought to honour him.

Only trouble was, his name sounds utterly daft with our surname (think Harry Carey or something). So we took advice from MN and added it as a second middle name. It was hugely appreciated by the bereaved part of tge family, and the daftness is diluted or masked by the other middle name.

And now I'm gutted we didn't give DS1 two middle names. Two middles is better than one.

The whole point of middle names is that it doesn't matter if they are awful. Your middle name is almost a secret. It's an easy way to name a child after someone important without calling them the same name

Yes, absolutely this!

That said, Edna (blech) is a family name but has led me to Eithne of which it is an Anglicism, and which is now firmly on the list. Ditto Marianne which is a blend of two family middle names. Ten points for guessing which two...

Arabellasmella · 28/08/2012 14:34

We gave our first son my dh dad's name as his middle name. Then we had another boy and we felt that we should give him my dad's name as his middle name to balance it out. It helps that they are Thomas and William so both lovely names. I like that they have family names, it means a lot. So I'm with your husband, I would give him his dad's name, even if it's horrid, I know little kids with middle names like Trevor and Brian so there is a lot of it around!!

goingtoexplodesoon · 28/08/2012 14:47

If one of the names has a nice meaning or something, try and find a name with the same meaning? Let's say one of them was called Alice (which is a nice name) and you didn't like it, you could name them Ada, they both mean the same (they mean noble) but it might sound better. I did that with my DS and my (usually evil) ILs thought it was great.

Flosie1989 · 28/08/2012 15:05

I think you need to tell us the names.....

StormGlass · 28/08/2012 15:10

I don't remember anyone at my school getting teased about their middle names.

What are these family names you hate so much?

Flosie1989 · 28/08/2012 15:16

Here's an example......a friend of mine's dad is called ..... Wait for it.......prince! Now yes some may think its a nice name but I would not want it for my DC's middle name. I think you have to draw the line somewhere and if you're really uncomfortable with it then you shouldn't have to do it just to make someone feel nice. Find an alternative.

Flosie1989 · 28/08/2012 15:18

Oh and don't forget Michael jacksons daughter called Blanket! There are some really awful names out there, so if it's really that bad then don't use it

littletomato · 28/08/2012 16:28

I am uncomfortable/superstitious about using the name of a family member who is still alive.
At least, I think that would be my stance on it, if faced with pressure to use names I didn't like...

Original poster

AlfieBear87 · 28/08/2012 16:52

Flosie that's my stance to - why lumber a child with a name they're not going to like just to make their grandparents happy? If it was a family name that had been passed down for generations then I would be ok about it because it would mean something. But they're not 'special' names at all.

I would love to tell you the names (I expect id cause some controversy as I dare say a lot of you would like them) but I really don't want to out myself, I'm not sure if any of the rest of the family use mums net or not. I wouldn't want to offend anyone.

I think I'm going to suggest some nice middle names that aren't connected to either family and see what he thinks to them 😄

OP posts:

MammyToMany · 28/08/2012 16:57

I regret giving ds1 his grandfathers name as a middle name as it is awful and ds1 gets embarrassed when people ask what it is. To be fair when people ask me what his middle name is I'm almost apologetic when I say it. No way would I saddle a poor child with an awful name again just because it's a family name. I should've used the 'he has your family name as a surname' line. I will do next time!

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