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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Is this a mean thing to do to DM?

44 replies

monsterchild · 29/07/2012 21:38

I am not due until December, this will be our first child. We found out we are having a boy. My DM has a history of making the expectant parents lives hell about names, and then groaning and moaning that they didn't pick names she approved. I saw all this with my brothers and sister when their kids were born.

My Dh has (not unexpectedly) some issues with DM's controlling ways. So he has decided that we are to tell her that the baby will be Catfish. and then, after the baby is born and a normal name sort of name is chosen, she won't have so much to moan about.

I think it's funny, but also a bit mean, however, she does bring this on herself by criticizing everyone's names!

And I'm also a bit afraid that Dh will continue to call the kiddo catfish!

OP posts:

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sarahseashell · 29/07/2012 21:39

sounds fair enough. Or just tell her you haven't decided yet and you'll tell her after you've named him/her

poppydaisy · 29/07/2012 21:58

Just tell her the name YOU and your DH have chosen for your child. No need for silly jokes imo.

Original poster

monsterchild · 29/07/2012 22:04

Poppy, I did say that we had likely settled on a few names and told her. She complained that all of them were "dead people, why not one of my brothers?" Of course, one of my brothers means a name she picked.

I am not comfortable with the jokes, especially as I should be able to tell her the names we've chosen. Well, I suppose if she gets really gripy about the whole thing we'll just tell her Catfish, or Pecan, and she can do what she likes with it.

OP posts:

poppydaisy · 29/07/2012 22:06

Well, I don't think you need to justify your decision to her. Your baby, your name choice imo. Her complaining shouldn't affect you, unless of course you agree with her views.

EdithWeston · 29/07/2012 22:07

Do not interfere between DH and his mother on this!

Bump names don't often stick as RL later nns, but in case that happens, are you sure you want a little Catfish in your home?

poppydaisy · 29/07/2012 22:08

In our case, my mum's views were actually very helpful but then we have very similar views/ tastes.

twooter · 29/07/2012 22:08

Never tell the name before the birth. It's the golden rule.

AKMD · 29/07/2012 22:22

Just don't discuss names.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 29/07/2012 22:24

I would not discuss this with your DM at all, and tell her the subject is not up for discussion, that you will let her know the name of her grandchild after the birth.

NagooingForGold · 29/07/2012 22:28

I called my unborn baby 'Tufty'. trouble was, I grew to quite like the name... hormones are a dangerous thing

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 29/07/2012 22:39

I think it's a great idea!

Plus catfish is a good nn.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 29/07/2012 22:42

I think it's a good idea, but for it to work well I think you really need to choose something far more 'normal' but awful. I would make a few suggestions but I don't want to offend anyone names like Stanley and Norman

MagdalenaAlec · 29/07/2012 22:48

I find it quite funny actually..

DC2 is due in 2 weeks and he is still "Flipper" to everyone (including us because his/her name is not sorted out yet). DS also was "Nemo" before his birth.

It is just a joke and will keep the suspense until the end!

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 29/07/2012 23:29

I think it's brilliant idea! And it should prove a salutary reminder of the impertinence of trying to name other peoples' babies.

VolAuVent · 30/07/2012 00:07

Very funny - good idea! :o

Tommy · 30/07/2012 00:09

my MIL was convinced we were going to call DS1 Obadiah - because that's what we told her. Gave us a laugh anyway

Badgerina · 30/07/2012 00:54

I don't know, you could tell her you're calling him Catfish. Or you could just tell her the names you like but ignore her comments? Or don't discuss names but tell her why? Or... I don't know - its a tricky business. I wish grandparents would just STFU sometimes heavy sigh..

Original poster

monsterchild · 30/07/2012 02:00

thanks for all the input!

It seems everyone is right, Catfish is too obviously not a name. (though DH is calling him that!) However, it will certainly be a challenge to not discuss! I have read many threads here about not discussing names, and tonight I told her that she should send me names she likes for us to deliberate, but we don't have a name just yet.

OP posts:

HolyOlympicNamechangeBatman · 30/07/2012 02:09

Keep your real list of names a secret and turn a deaf ear to what she says, but nod and agree with everything she says. For example;

what are thinking of calling the baby?
Zack
Oh Zack is awful, I much prefer John
Mmm ooh you've got a point there mum, John? Yes I really like it. Much more classic than Zack.

When the baby is born, announce the name you and DH have chosen.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 30/07/2012 02:22

Just refuse to discuss. Seriously. If anyone asks just say something vague like "We've got a few ideas, but nothing concrete" and then say "Yeah, that's quite nice" to all their suggestions, however vile.

The problem is that people dont generally comment on names once the child is born, but seem to think they have free reign before that.

Even my mum, who is usually a very reasonable and tactful person, ruined our girl's name for DC1 (who turned out to be a boy so all fine), by saying "Oh, Robyn. Well I guess if you like it........." I suspect she isnt wild about Ds's name either, but as she only found that out once that was his name (i.e. once he was born) she didnt comment and now that all her friends have said "Oh, that's lovely" she's come round (case in point: some of her friends also probably dont like it, but "oh that's lovely" is the polite thing to say)

Anyway, Robyn was the last name I discussed with her or anyone else. Names for DC2 (due next week) are under embargo and will be released on birth of said named child, when it's too late for anyone to comment without being bloody rude

Original poster

monsterchild · 30/07/2012 02:47

Richman, people are terribly rude about it aren't they? It's so very odd. I see that here on MN too, name suggestions being shot down. I have given my opinion, but really, I haven't ever met someone with such a terrible name that I would avoid them! And I have encountered some very odd names!

But if a parent loves the name, its good for the child, I say!

OP posts:

WinkyWinkola · 30/07/2012 06:21

Just don't discuss names with your mother. Easy. It's nothing to do with her. She's named her dcs and now it's your turn.

If you think telling her the baby's name is Catfish is mean, then you're a far nicer person than I am. I would see it as shutting her up.

ripsishere · 30/07/2012 08:05

Catfish is a brilliant name. Or Catweazle if you want a 'proper' one.

ChasedByBees · 30/07/2012 08:12

We sent the 5 shortlisted names round to family to see if anyone had any major problems with any of them. MIL replied with reasons why none of them were good and a new list of names she wanted.

I would choose a name that is most likely to be her worst possible choice, for example, if she's quite straightforward and down to earth, the most flouncy ancient Greek, long name you can find.

JustFabulous · 30/07/2012 08:17

If you have asked her to send you names she likes for you to deliberate over then it serves you right if she gives her opinion.

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