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Original poster

unmarried so whose surname?

28 replies

Tuzz · 12/06/2012 13:07

'm pregnant with my 1st child. My DP has a son who has his surname. As DP and I are not married so whose surname should this baby have?

I feel strange about having a different name to my child. Once, when traveling with my ss we were stopped and questioned at passport control, why was I traveling with a child who was not MY child? where was the parent? My ss was then questioned aggressively did he know me? where was I taking him? This all happened because we were traveling together with different names.
Will this happen if I travel with my child? will I have to carry something to prove that the child is mine if we have different names?
In all the unmarried families I know the children take the fathers name, is this still because of tradition?

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quoteunquote · 12/06/2012 13:40

Both

RockChick1984 · 12/06/2012 13:41

I think it's just personal preference now. Having worked in a bank, opening children's accounts and needing to connect the child to the parent to prove address, it's easier if you have the same surname, however the full birth certificate which you can pay for when registering your child shows both parent's names anyway. I'd definitely buy that though if you choose to give your child DP's surname.

If you are planning to get married in the future I'd go for DP's name, as it'll be 1 less thing to change, but if marriage isn't on the cards then I'd definitely be going for my surname!

minipie · 12/06/2012 14:22

If both you and DP want DC to have your surnames, the only fair solutions are 1) double barrel or 2) flip a coin.

Yes, the only tradition that children get given their father's surname is tradition. There is no legal obligation to do this. (This also applies to children born to married parents who have different surnames).

EdithWeston · 12/06/2012 14:26

Whichever is nicer Grin

Or both.

anychocswilldo · 12/06/2012 16:22

I agree withRockchick Unless u r planning to get married or until u r IMO dc should have ur surname. It irritates me that men's surnames get precedence over ours. U can always change it at a later date if u want.

schroedingersdodo · 12/06/2012 17:49

If one surname is much cooler than the other, then definitely go for the nicer one :)

tabulahrasa · 12/06/2012 17:52

My DC have DP's surname, it's never been an issue for anything.

karatekimmi · 12/06/2012 17:57

It will probably come across as "blackmail" but I was addament that my DC would have my surname, so (now) DH has the choice to marry me or they would have my maiden name. Mainly for the travelling reasons you stated regarding travelling.

Babylon1 · 12/06/2012 18:00

DH and I werent married when DD1 arrived. She took her daddy's surname and I changed mine by deed poll, until we got married 18mths laterWink

Massive benefit of having everything already in the right name after we got married, passport, driving licence etc!

BellaOfTheBalls · 12/06/2012 18:05

We gave DS1 DH's surname as at the time of his birth as we weren't married but knew we would be at some point. We figured it would be easier than having to re-register him or change his name. We picked names based on DH's surname because of this.

Found out when we registered him that because MY name would change when we got married we would have to re-register him anyway Grin

babybrain3 · 17/06/2012 08:09

I'm expecting dc 3 in october. I have two dc already 10 and 9, this will be dps 1st. My dc have my surname. We have had discussions about getting married-but won't be for the forseeable future due to costs etc. I've told DP that this baby will have my surname until we get married, then we will all change our names at the same time. Apart from not wanting a different name to the child I have carried for 9months and then given birth to, I don't think it would be fair for my dc to have a different surname-would be a bit 'us and them' in my opinion.... Plus will get DP to pull his finger out and ask me sooner!! Grin

ItWasThePenguins · 17/06/2012 08:12

We were engaged, so did Dh surname with mine as second middle name, and i referred to myself as Mrs Dh name unofficially.

You can always change at deed poll later, so don't worry.

AThingInYourLife · 17/06/2012 08:14

Your name

Then if you get married, your DP can take that name too.

PinkChampagneandStrawberries · 17/06/2012 08:15

My DS has his fathers name and it has never been a problem when travelling.

ginmakesitallok · 17/06/2012 08:19

My DDs have their father's surname - never caused us any problems.

ivykaty44 · 17/06/2012 08:21

I would stick with your name for the child, as if you do get married in then you can keep your own name and still have the same name as your dc. yes it will make life easier for travelling, opening bank accounts etc which do seem to end up being done by the female parent

Ephiny · 17/06/2012 08:23

I would have said the 'traditional' way is for the baby to have the mother's name, if the parents are unmarried. However a lot of couples seem to do it the other way round these days, presumably because they plan to get married at some point in the future and for the woman to take the man's name then.

You can always give both names, either double-barrelled or do the 'second middle name' thing. I guess as long as both names are in there somewhere, it shouldn't be a problem for travelling etc?

t0lk13n · 17/06/2012 08:25

I am married and I had a huge problem when travelling to Canada with my son when he was about 11. A child in USA had been kidnapped, by one of his parents, with the same name as my son...which is a coincidence in itself and it was nearly hour and a half before they would let me board the plane. They were lovely but as I was travelling on my own they queried it. Luckily for us when they looked at the id of the kidnapped child, they found that the kidnapped child was of a different colouring so knew we were not involved. It was hair raising at the time as I thought we would never get on the flight and we lost the seats we wanted...we were 5th in the queue and would have had better seats! ;_(

So the point of this ramble is I don`t think it makes a difference what name they have!

NoPinkPlease · 17/06/2012 08:25

Double barrelled here - seems fair to me :-)

ivykaty44 · 17/06/2012 08:36

how about you all pick a name you like and all change your names to that one instead/

ChunkyPickle · 17/06/2012 08:51

We went with DP's surname because it went better with the first name we wanted to give him - my name would sound ridiculous as a middle name or as a double-barrel so we didn't even do that.

We haven't had any issues travelling - but perhaps we're just lucky.

amieis · 17/06/2012 21:47

Dd has oh's surname as originally we were getting married (we were planning the wedding when we found out about dd)
Now it seems unlikely we will marry and I am regretful of the choice to give her dds surname.
That said, his is the better name of the two and any name with my surname souunds rediculous!!!!

amieis · 17/06/2012 21:50

That's meant to be dp's surname!

workshy · 17/06/2012 21:56

my DCs have their father's name because I don't like mine and wouldn't inflict it on anyone else

he is now my ex and lots of people have asked me if I regret giving them his name, I don't, it's part of them and they are part of me so I don't even think about it

plus I have never had any trouble travelling with them probably because they look like mini versions of me

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 17/06/2012 21:58

My cousins have never married, and when they had their child they made his middle name her last name! I thought that was a pretty cool idea. (Obviously you could make middle name your DP's surname)

However this only works if you have a name that can (barely) pass as a first name Grin