Name bullying

[Janoschi]

Just thought I'd ask this question, seeing as the subject of potential bullying crops up in nearly every post.

Do you think it's actually the case that a child would be bullied for their name these days, considering the wide range of names now on the public radar thanks to TV, Hollywood etc and the greater cultural diversity around us?

Are the worries based on how things were at school for you? Which is 20, 30 years out of date.

Or are kids still being bullied over their names?

Just interested!

Look at it another way, Notespelling - would you have been bullied if you took away whatever you were bullied about? If you were the "fat kid" would you have been bullied if you were thin? If you were the "NHS glasses" kid would you have been bullied if you had contact lenses?

I was bullied because I was skinny, a twin, had a stammer, glasses, home haircuts and boys hand-me-downs. My name was irrelevant with so much else to go at!

I think even with all of that removed, yes I'd have been bullied. I was emotionally, verbally and physically abused as a child by my mother and was a cringing, stressed kid who just didn't know how to fit in. My twin was the same so we really stood out!

Even with posh salon haircuts, nice clothes, contacts and speech therapy, I would've been bullied. I definitely gave off a 'bully me' vibe, as I had zero self-esteem and just expected people to hurt me because I deserved it in some way. At the age of 9 I started self-harming so even I bullied myself.

No-one deserves or asks to be bullied but I do agree that some children give off a vibe that attracts bullies. My DH on the face of it should've been bullied too. He had long hair, sometimes wore girls clothes to school (no uniform in 70s Germany), spoke with a strange accent (half American), had 'uncool' hobbies etc etc. But he had loads of confidence and was never bothered by anyone.

Yep. I would have been - and was - bullied regardless.

I was bullied in a small Scottish primary school for having a posh English accent and being bad at spelling.

Then I was bullied in a posh English boarding school for wearing the wrong tights.

Then I was bullied in an international school abroad for.. I dunno, being a dick, being unpopular, being someone who people didn't want to be friends with, snogging a waiter which I didn;t even do! People just made stuff up ... people just like to bully me!

Now I'm not kidding myself that it's not me. Of course it's me. I must have been wildly unlikable in some way, and I don't think that my accent or my tights were really at fault. Ffs, kids don't really care if someone is good at spelling do they? Yet they mocked me mercilessly for it.

Meanwhile I remember a fat girl with short curly hair who wore her mum's jeans and was called Bun who everyone liked.

dd 2 is Eloisa and is now 12 in primary school she was bullied about her name they called her E-Lowsa she used to hate it and got very upset about it. It stopped when I told her to say "at least my parents have some imaginations and haven't just stuck with what was fashionable when I was born" It was not actually specifically my opinion but it stopped the bullying when it was turned on them.

I was bullied myself with my name it was my birthday recently one of my school "mates" thought it was "fun" to mention it on my facebook I pointed out I was now 42 and I had not cared for it when i was a child so why did she bring it up now. I got an apology.

I know of other children who have been bullied over their names both when we lived in Outer London and where we are now.(Country side)

SoupDreggon that's not why I or anyone else was specifically saying, I don't think, and I'm sorry if I've offended you somehow.

What I meant was...well, for example, I knew brothers named Willy and Peter, last name Johnson. ALL THREE of those names are euphemisms for penis. (Though Willy isn't used as much here as there.) They were never once teased. They wouldn't have cared. They would have told the person to eff off and gone off to play with no further thought to it.

On another kid, those names would have been disastrous.

There are myriad reasons why children bully, and in turn for how that bully selects a victim and then what is picked on and how.

Yes, name (and anything else to do with first impressions) can be part of that. And names are also easy quarry for nicknames and playground teasing which falls short of bullying.

I'd say that it is names with unfortunate associations which are most likely to be difficult for the child to live with.

Eloisa is the sort of well-liked, classic, pretty Mumsnet name that you'd not expect anyone to bully. Yet it happened.

Willy on the other hand was fine.

I DO think kids are bullied partly because the bullies think they're 'fair game' (ie everyone bullies them so they might as well join in), partly because they'll get an entertaining reaction of some kind and also because the bullied kid reacts in a way that makes them feel powerful. Bullies are often the bullied at home, so being powerful elsewhere is quite addictive.

I'm not condoning this at all. But it does seem to me that the actual NAME is irrelevant. It's the reaction they get.

And I'm sympathetic to you Soup. No-one is trivialising your experience at all. A lot of people on this thread were also bullied so we do know the trauma that can result from it.