Name bullying

[Janoschi]

Just thought I'd ask this question, seeing as the subject of potential bullying crops up in nearly every post.

Do you think it's actually the case that a child would be bullied for their name these days, considering the wide range of names now on the public radar thanks to TV, Hollywood etc and the greater cultural diversity around us?

Are the worries based on how things were at school for you? Which is 20, 30 years out of date.

Or are kids still being bullied over their names?

Just interested!

Depends.

If the kid is one of those scapegoat kids who will be picked on no matter what, the name will come into play no matter what it is.

If the child is one of those who gives off the "I don't give a toss" vibe and is "cool", he/she could be named almost anything and not be teased for it.

Wha!? So if the kid "asks for it" they'll get bullied????

No, kids normally accept most names. Unless the name is Poopoohead or Willy, most kids will just accept a name as a name and they couldn't care less whether their mates are called Trevor, Tristan, Timmy or or Tarquin.

I've heard mumsnetters warn that children with certain names "cannot possibly go to a state school but will only survive in private school" and in my experience that is completely unfounded - most kids seem to be far more open minded than their parents!

"If the kid is one of those scapegoat kids"

This is really nasty TBH.

I'm sorry for how that came across. What I meant was, in my years of working with children, there are occasionally those who seem to be a target for bullies for no reason that I or any other adults can see...other than that maybe the kid is a bit shy and the bullies are horrid and mean. Of course it's not the child's fault!

And I have also, over the years, seen kids who will not be picked on no matter what, who could wear or say or be named anything and still not be picked on for anything. They have a natural (or maybe it's taught, I don't know) self confidence.

Thi is just something I've witnessed many times. It doesn't mean I think it's right and it doesn't mean that I would ever allow a child to be bullied.

I know where you are coming from Cheerful. There are life's natural vicitms, and those who just rise above it.

Disclaimer - That does not make any bullying right.

I was one of those kids, and had a hard time before I worked out why. I was teased about my name (which could be shortened to the name of a well-known fashion doll - people used to sing the advertising slogans at me).
I agree that it is nothing to do with the name. If kids want to make fun of someone, they will find something.

I think kids are more likely to pick on kids for their character (shy, clever) or more commonly their appearance (overweight, spotty etc). To be honest I'd much rather be teased for my name (which is completely out of my control) than anything else.

Oh I was teased but never bullied. There's a big difference. My name sounds like a sporting occupation and I got a lot of jokes but it really wasn't bullying. Just lighthearted silliness and only from friends anyway.

For me it was far worse being bullied for appearance and parents lifestyle. Hippy parents, being the tallest in class, glasses and hand me down boys clothes made my name pretty trivial in comparison!

I don't think unusual names are a problem. Names that mean something else might be a problem e.g. Willie. In this part of Scotland, a Ned is a delinquent; that wouldn't be a good name to have.

Boys with a unisex name usually associated with girls might have a problem; there are three Morgans at my kids' school, and two of them are girls, which I think makes things awkward for the boy. Also, all the named things like pencils, keyrings, etc with Morgan on them are pink. They might not be bullied per se, but there'd be awkwardness.

Unusual or foreign names aren't a problem, though.

kids bully if they're bullies. It's nothing to do with the name and it never has been. If someone is a bully, they'll find something. It probably used to be names because that was easy. Now there's much more diversity in names, it's something else, but the reason hasn't changed, iyswim.

Someone who bullies you because your name is Tay-Ce Hulahoop would not turn into a fine upstanding citizen who spent their saturdays looking for old ladies to help across roads if they were schooled with people who were all called John.

I think it's important to stress that there is never anything about the victim that makes them the reason they are bullied.

Well, having a stupid name destroyed my confidence. That is a fact.

What was (or is) the name, SoupDreggon? Was it from a different culture or was it made up by your parents, or was is a well-known cartoon character...? Just be interesting to know what the bullies latched on to.

the name itself? or people?

I worry about this, see, cos my two have unusual names. But they go well with our forrin surname.

No, it wasn't made up, it wasn't a cartoon character or a rude word it was a very common, ordinary name.

Except it was one syllable and rhymed with my one syllable surname. Oh, and my surname was also a noun. Let's just say that if the name you have been wanting to name your daughter since forever is, random name... say Pat, you either should not marry Mr Cat or you should discard your favourite name.

I can remember a time when I was perhaps 6 (?) when I was reasonably confident and the name didn't bother me. Then the teasing at school started and it was all downhill from there.

There's nothing wrong with unusual names - we live in a multicultural society now and this isn't going to be so much of a problem for children. However, stupid names are another thing entirely.

I asked my two state-schooled teens, and they both said that they had never known anyone, at primary or secondary school, bullied about their name. Ever. They said that one boy, who has a name which can be misheard as a girls name (it's not Lucian, but along the lines of Lucian / Lucy-Ann) had awkward moments, not bullying, but occasions when people were laughing as a result of misunderstandings IYSWIM.

My kids' avice is - foreign or unusual names are fine, but don't give your boy a girl's name.

Sigh...I have given up many of my favorite names due to marrying a Mr. Brick, Soup.

It's Zulfikar or Zulfiqar. Not Zulfucker.
For instance- here.

My children have come across all sorts of weird and wonderful names in their short childhoods and they take it all in their strides.

My DDs have known a Ptolemy, Isis, Habiba, Tosca, Josca.... all names which have gone without a mention from my DDs.

Although my DD1 did once comment that she thought Faye was an odd name, and why would someone want to use that... .

That said, I can't say I've seen any particular bullying over names and I've taught all sorts... including a Geoffrey, a Dorian and the like.

The only time its come close is with the names Ben and Amy. I once taught 4 Bens and as their names all came after each other in the register they were known as:

Tall Ben
Sporty Ben
Ginger Ben and
Thick Ben.

Always felt sorry for Thick ben, but that's just how the kids differentiated between them.

I also had a class of Amys and again they were distinguished by their looks. Most of the descriptions were okay, although it wasn't great for 'Amy Microphone Head' (on account of her unfortunate haircut.

Never thought of that but it's a very good point. If the name alone won't indentify the child, a class will pick on a characteristic and that might not be favourable...

Thanks to everyone for the interesting answers so far!

Question for Stranded and Soup Do you think that you would not have been bullied had you been called Emma or Lucy?

I was bullied, and I am called something like Emma or Lucy. If I had been called Grizelle I suppose that would have been a nice easy thing for the bullies to grab hold of, but being called something dull didn't save me.

Of course I would have been bullied because I am a natural victim and a scapegoat. According to this thread anyway.

I was specifically "bullied" because of my name. This was the only thing I was ever bullied or teased about.