'Stealing' DP's eldest DS's middle name.... Thoughts please???

[Cactus76]

DP has two boys from a previous marriage. We are expecting our first child together (don't know if is a boy or girl) at the beginning of March. We both REALLY like his DS1's (age 6) middle name. If it hadn't already been used, it would definitely be top of my boys' names list.

DP thinks we should use the name and that it would be totally ok. I feel odd about it as it seems to me that the name belongs to DS1 even though it is only his middle name. I am also concerned about the reaction from is ex and her side of the family, not that we ever see each other....

What are your thoughts? Is it weird to steal/hijack his son's middle name? Or am I just over thinking it?

Thank you!

My ex and his now ex had a baby girl, they used a name that was a potential name for our dd, obviously his idea but i found it very weird and still do, i wonder if his ex knew it was on our shortlist, bet she didn't !

As it's a middle name I think it's ok. Let's be honest, most people never use or even tell other people their middle name. It's a bit of a weird tradition. My ex was not from the UK - in his culture you just have a first name and a surname - and he thought we were all crazy for giving our kids names they'll never use!

i would have to say that its prob a bad idea and prob wont help any relationship you may have with dp ex.
its totally up to yourself but i wouldnt dream of using one of dp dd's middle names as i know his ex would go bat shit. she doesnt own the names etc but i wouldnt want to cause any strain when there doesnt have to be any.

would you do the same if ds1 was your son too? ie, if both boys lived in the house, were full siblings etc.

my dh has 2 children from his previous marriage, and I really like both their middle names. I couldn't use them though - it would feel odd to me to name a child after it's sibling. and a bit like we couldn't be bothered to find a name for the new baby (just my opinion)

names don't belong,and cant be stolen
but two half siblings having a same fore name and same middle name is odd
it's not the steal thing at all,just the oddness of name used twice two family members

I think it's a bad idea.

Not good.

DP - oldest of four brothers. No. 4 brother's first name is no. 3 brother's middle name (and their dad's first name, and no. 4 brother's DS's middle name). Never realised that could be seen as odd until now, nobody in the family bats an eyelid. It's a good name!

Odd imo.

I´m sure if you have a son he would like "his own" names that his father hadn´t already chosen for a son.

Isn't it generally considered a tribute to use a family name? e.g DH's middle name is his Grandfather's name, my middle name is the same as my mum's, DS1 has my father's name for a middle name etc. It probably is more unusual when the children are the same generation, but not necessarily wrong. Could it be "sold" as your DS being named after his older brother.?

I agree with others that if there's the slighted chance the older boy's mother will be upset by it, it's best to avoid it though. Could your DH ask her how she'd feel about it?

"Isn't it generally considered a tribute to use a family name?"

Perhaps, but OP´s husband already has a son with that name.

Why doesn't the husband ask his son what he would think about the idea? He may think it is a great idea to have a new brother with his middle name - in which case all good. Or he might hate the idea, in which case don't do it...

That's my point diddl, it would be a tribute to the existing son - it's his middle name OP wants to use, so her DH won't end up with 2 DSs with the same name -that I agree would be odd.

Oakmaiden has just had exactly the same thought as me.
Either DSS will be flattered or he'll hate the idea. Ask him.

But he´s only 6, he might not like the idea of a "tribute".

Plus, it would be brothers with the same name-that seems odd to me.

Tributes are usually a generation away.

Not a good idea imo. Give your new child his OWN name.

Maybe I´m odd, but with siblings I don´t see it as a tribute-more couldn´t be bothered to think of 2 original names for the younger one.

good god, out of all the names potentially available it has to be the one that is current ds's middle name??

FWIW my dss has a middle name (william) that I would sooo have used for our ds as it was my grandads name. But dss got it first. A bit disappointing but its HIS name and not something I felt I could hijack for our ds. I thought it was a bit disrespectful to dss somehow.

just choose another and save yourself any grief

I wouldn't do it (speaking as someone with step and half sibs).

It makes me think of replacing. DS version 2, new & improved.

That's exactly it Rilla. I would have been gutted if a half sib had been given my middle name. Please don't do it OP - at 6 your dss is not old enough to understand why relationships break down, and people go onto have more dcs, but old enough to worry that a half sib will replace them in your DPs affections (obviously thats not the case, but he won't understand that).

Utterly wrong!.......and a bit weird TBH.

I don't think that either will like sharing a name when they are brothers -not when they are old enough to understand.

I can't see anything rong with it. I wanted to give your dd1 my sil's name but my dh wouldn't hear of it. I still can't understand why

wrong, not 'rong'