Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

disagreeing so badly.. the conclusion..

62 replies

danio7 · 10/07/2011 10:43

DH and I disagree so badly with names, we rarely find ones that we even both like a little bit.

As we dont know the sex of the baby we have come to the drastic conclusion of choosing a sex each. He has Boys and I have Girls- we each have one veto.. he has already vetoed my favourite name!

I know that this is a really drastic conclusion but rather one of us be happy than both of us settle. has anyone else got this problem, what did you do?

Or did anyone else try this solution, did it work for you?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

danio7 · 10/07/2011 13:15

I think the list idea might work.. I will put this idea forward... maybe if we both chose 10 of our favourite names.. he chooses to boys and I choose 10 girls.

We can then both eliminate 5 of them and leave eachother 5 to play with.

this sounds fair does it?!

p.s I love the word Fanjo. :o

OP posts:

ShoutyHamster · 10/07/2011 13:19

How on earth can he think that Bonnie is 'trashy' and then suggest GRANT?

Harry as the compromise name. Definitely. Shake on it NOW.

Sydney for a girl I like! Could you have that as a middle name (to cheer him up a bit) and then continue working on a compromise girl's name?

There WILL be something out there that you both can bear!

MsChanandlerBong · 10/07/2011 13:19

Just a thought - does the fact that you are basing the conversations on 'your names' and 'his names' mean that it is harder to come to a compromise? (From my own personality, I know that I would begrudge going for one of 'his names' even if I loved it as I would feel that I hadn't had a proper say!!)

Maybe you can go back a stage and go through a name book/internet name list and both give each name 'points' without either of you claiming 'ownership' over the name. Hopefully then you will be working on more neutral ground...

swash · 10/07/2011 13:22

My friend did this - she had two dds in the end, so got to choose both names. But she and her ex had a horrid relationship and could never agree on anything. I think it is very important to keep going until you have a name you both like.

ben5 · 10/07/2011 13:27

George for boy Georgina for girl
Sydney I hate as it's a city
Terry not to fussed. Could live with it
Amelie I like
The rest I don't like
Not really much help am I!!

Original poster

danio7 · 10/07/2011 14:04

hmm I really like the idea about going through names and then marking them.. perphaps we would be able to go through a few and only note down names which gained 4 or 5/5.

that's quite a good idea.. I really would mind if we settled on one of his names- providing it has a name which I quite like in a compromise I wouldn't mind doing it.. I just dont see this happening because we vary

OP posts:

freerangeeggs · 10/07/2011 14:40

I think your DH is stuck thirty years in the past! I've noticed this a lot with guys especially - they like the names they grew up with and don't realise that names like Amelie are actually pretty normal and popular amongst their kids' generation.

I'd recommend the pair of you print out copies of the top 100 names in the UK from last year. Each of you sit separately with a couple of highlighter pens, highlight the ones you love and the ones you like. Then look to see what common ground there is.

This approach has the added benefit of teaching your DH what is and isn't 'normal' these days.

Top 100 last year

TidyDancer · 10/07/2011 14:44

Oh God, you can't do this, if you end up with a boy with one of your DH's names (which are almost entirely horrific btw), you could very well end up resenting him for the fact that your child has to walk around with that as a name.

Find a compromise. What you are planning at the moment is not a compromise, it's a recipe for disaster.

I have a friend who thought this was a good idea (DH choose boy names, she chooses girl names) until she realised her DH's list included Danger.

birdofthenorth · 10/07/2011 14:46

Dear me you must name this baby, your DH's choices are awful!! Baby Terry? You'd end up lying out if embarrassment when strangers asked its name!!!!

Harry is lovely though, that'd do fine!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/07/2011 14:49

You're well suited. All your names for this baby are horrible! I think you should get the book out and start again :o

Karenhappuch · 10/07/2011 17:30

I think you have to come to a compromise - it will always be a bone of contention if one of you gets 'your name' (trust me on this).

I think you are at an advantage if your dh is willing to write a list of his own. My dh didn't see the point and just poo pooed all the names I suggested to him. In the end I had to force him to write his top ten as a starting point. I did the same and we each chose two names off each others list that we could live with.

It also opened up a discussion for us. He likes plainer names whereas I prefer more exotic ones so we discussed why we liked each name and looked for a 'substitute' to satify us both.

Also, you could rate your names - giving your favourite 10 points and your least favourite one point. Do this for both your lists then see which name has the most points. At least it makes choosing a name a bit more fun

Bandwithering · 10/07/2011 18:27

I prefer your choices. Your husband's choices do seem a little dated. And not just dated, but names that have become a little 'tarnished' over time. Terry for example, it doesn't seem 'chav' but it does seem a little under privileged or something. Like a depressingly ordinary name. I can't picture a baby called Terry.

Grant is alright. Tyler is nmsaa. What was the other one?

I love Bonnie and George though.

I'm trying to get a handle on his style so i can suggest names in between your two styles. It'll be hard though!

Bandwithering · 10/07/2011 18:33

Does your husband only like names if he knows an adult of that name??

Robbie
Richie
Greg
Dominic

Melanie - a little like Amelie?

Sylvie - a little like Sydney?

ensure · 10/07/2011 18:42

Terry is a cool name for a baby! Baby Terry, yeah, go for that!

Bandwithering · 10/07/2011 19:02

eeeyooow. I like Berry for a girl though.

Dennis for a baby is quite cool! STILL not gettingTerry though

ruelachesty · 10/07/2011 23:07

When I went to baby massage with DD1 we all had to go round and introduce ourselves, our baby and give a reason for their name.

One girl said (whilst grimacing) Cruz, because we decided he'd choose the boy and I'd choose the girl.

Not a good idea if you don't like thye name!

What about laurie for a boy? Kinda close to Terry?

lateatwork · 10/07/2011 23:21

we chose dd name on the bus on the way to getting her registered- 4 weeks after she was born. Wrote down the choices on a piece of paper. DP then put a 1 next to the name he liked best all they way through to 7 for the least favourite. he folded the paper, handed it to me and I did the same. We then added the two scores together and the lowest score is her name... funny, but her name had a score of 2- ie it was first choice for DP and I... it just seemed we couldnt reach agreement when doing it any other way!

PetronusOfSteel · 10/07/2011 23:22

I think for a lot of people it becomes more realistic choosing a name once a baby has arrived. I like to be prepared and wanted to have at least a shortlist ready (also didn't find out the sex so needed 2 shortlists) but me and DP both found it really hard discussing names when it was still an idea, rather than a person, that we were naming. We also spent a long time arguing about girls' names (even down to the spelling of one) and have 2 DSs so it was never relevant, if you wait until the baby arrives at least you only have half the number of names to argue over.

I really wouldn't name a child something either of you dislike, sooner or later there will be something which appeals to both of you.

Italiangreyhound · 11/07/2011 01:06

Danio7 I really would go for the compromise solution, the 50 name list. Actually, once they are out and you are shouting their name 10 times and still being ignored it tends to lose it's flavour somewhat!

I do like Tyler and Harry.

Good luck. Please do tell us what is decided!

Italiangreyhound · 11/07/2011 01:06

I mean once they are out and 6 years old and shouting their name not as soon as they are out, of course!

ragged · 11/07/2011 10:06

In defense of your poor DH... I don't see the problem with Grant (I know one or two clever Uni professors with the forename Grant) or Tyler (very popular, very very clever boy in DD's y4 has this forename) (shrug).

Amelie & Sonny make me wince, though...

Should note, my own DC have dead common boring names like William & Elizabeth.

TheSecondComing · 11/07/2011 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

danio7 · 11/07/2011 19:20

okay update.. DH and I did the list thing and then went through and crossed off names until we had two choices left for each sex...

We had Harry and Zac for a boy- we chose Harry
and Mae and Madeleine for a girl- we chose Mae.

it looks like baby Terry might never exist- which is quite good, because I was starting to worry my children will sound like the cast of Eastenders.

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 11/07/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 11/07/2011 19:22

Madeleine is nicer than May and Mae

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread