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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Are we being mean not telling anyone our names?

61 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 26/03/2011 10:08

We think we have a girls and a boys name ... but still have time to change our minds! We don't want to tell anyone and introduce baby with name as we hand her/him over for first cuddle - even with grandparents. My Mum and Dad have accepted this (although I can tell my Mum really wants to know!) but his Mum keeps asking me to tell her. She pretty much begged me last night and I feel really mean ... but really don't want to tell anyone! Am I being mean or is she pushing me when she shouldn't? We got so many names thrown at us from husbands family (seriously lists have been made!) that we've asked them to keep their names secret from us and then we can see if anyone gets it 'correct' after baby is born. It's doing my head in but I'm being very polite and smiling at the odd name that gets 'mentioned'. I just feel that our decision to keep it secret is being made into a big deal - when it's not ... I just want a suprise on the sex and to suprise friends and family with the name ... and if they hate it - by then it's tough! :) x

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CharlieBoo · 26/03/2011 13:30

I think people like to talk about baby names though...isn't that part of the fun of having a baby? Don't you want to know what people think of your list? I know I did, but we're all different.

My cousin recently had a baby and didn't tell anyone what they were calling him, we thought they were going to call him something outrageous or very trendy or wildly different and they called him Jack. We were like ' oh what was all the fuss about?!'.

However, your baby, your rules. Good luck.

BelligerentGhoul · 26/03/2011 13:40

i don't understand why anybody would tell people beforehand tbh, just as I don't understand why anybody would find the sex out beforehand. Both are something that, imho, are initially only the business of the couple - and then they get to announce both once everything is done/okay.

Stick to your guns and get your dp to tell his mum it's going to be called Beelzebub.

tigermummy35 · 26/03/2011 13:40

We were very cagey with everyone, 'cause we didn't want someone to nick the name before DS arrived.

We just told people that we had "names" and would decide once baby arrived. As it happened, we also found out the gender and didn't tell anyone that either, so DS was known by his name between DH and I from 20 weeks scan onwards.

Stick to your guns, it's your baby!

kirrinIsland · 26/03/2011 13:47

I agree with your decision. I did the same (my Mum was also desperate to know but hid it not that well). For us it wasn't about introductions or creating suspense but simply that I didn't want to hear other people's opinions on it. A negative reaction really can spoil a name for you, but if you wait 'till the baby is actually here then most people will say what a nice name it is whether they like it or not

ValiumSingleton · 26/03/2011 14:39

oh this is totally normal I think. my xmil bugged me to let her choose basically. She wanted james or chloe and when I said no those names aren't right for me, she dramatically sighed 'you have to think of the child'. Every name I suggested to my x, and some he might have grown to like, she PISSED on them before he'd had a chance to let them brew iykwim. With the result that my dc1 has a name which is perfectly normal and acceptable for her generation, it's not a problem but it's a bit more magnolia than I would have gone for... I wish I'd just refused to discuss names at all for the 9 months and then after dc1 was born (minutes afterwards) put forward my favourite names in order.

vaginiasmonalogue · 26/03/2011 15:32

Don't tell!! All you'll get is endless suggestions of alternitives and "Hmmm what else can you think of" and "oh I really like xyz"

I could never keep my choices to myself but I bloody wish I had!

Valinor · 26/03/2011 19:29

I always make a point of not asking anyone who is pregnant what names they've chosen but I do think in general that people are interested to know.

I've named 3 children and made the mistake of discussing my 1st dc's name with anyone who asked. Luckily I got mostly a positive reaction but not everyone will like the name(s) you've chosen and will try to suggest alternatives. I stuck with my choice all the way through my 1st pregnancy but with dc2 and dc3 it was more difficult to agree on a name we both liked. For this reason I didn't discuss names with anyone other than my DH - it was hard enough for the two of us to agree.

However, we did join in with general discussions about potential names but we never let on what our favourites were although we did throw a few of them in to test the water.

I don't think you are being mean by not telling anyone else your chosen names. Your MIL will find out soon enough when your lo arrives. Maybe to keep the peace just give her a long list of some of your favourite names and see what her reaction is to the one you've chosen (without her actually knowing it's the one). I did this with my Mum and she didn't like the name we chose for dc3 at all, but that didn't put us off - it was just very amusing.

Italiangreyhound · 27/03/2011 15:03

If I were you I would just say "Well really we are just not sure, I mean ?>

llareggub · 27/03/2011 15:09

I only ever asks about names out of politeness. I don't care particularly what name you choose, but I do think secrecy about names can come across as being a little precious. Even if you told me I'd probably forget 5 minutes later.

Fresh2death · 27/03/2011 15:21

it is absolutely the best thing to do ... look how many morons on here ask for people's opinions about baby names then get offended.
the only people who should have a voice on this matter are you and your P

everlong · 27/03/2011 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confuddledDOTcom · 27/03/2011 19:41

I don't not discuss it because I'm precious, it's usually because I don't know! Even when we have a list of names we don't know 100% which name it will be until they're here. We've done better with middle names than we have with first names.

cumbria81 · 29/03/2011 12:07

FWIW, I think you're being completely and unnecessarily precious. Why on earth can't you tell her the names you're thinking of? If you change your mind you change your mind. You're giong to have to tell them when it's born so why not before? I really don't understand your reasons.

notso · 29/03/2011 12:24

As others have said, it does come across as precious when my SIL people say we know but were not telling, it's very ner ner ne ner ne.
I don't see the harm in saying we quite like x,y & z.

DH and I didn't have a clue for DC3 so when people asked we'd list about 20 different names, in fact he was one choice when he was first born and we changed our minds after about half an hour.

quasimodo123 · 29/03/2011 13:15

We have already chosen the name that we like and are not telling people.

The reason for this is not because we are being precious or worried about others using it but purely because we dont want to deal with the face pulling or alternative suggestions when people dont like it.

It is the name that me and DP have chosen and we are not really bothered whether others like it or not so would rather not have to respond to negative comments.

I believe rightly or wrongly that people will probably be less inclined to pass comment once they have been introduced to the baby as XXX IYSWIM.

LouMacca · 29/03/2011 13:46

I agree with you quasi

Also, I just don't understand people who want to know the name of the baby before its born! I love the surprise of finding out the sex and the name of other peoples babies.

JBrd · 29/03/2011 16:50

Also agree with quasi. Don't tell anyone, this is your decision. You'll always get at least one comment that will be negative or trying to influence you.

No one will dare to pull a catbumsface (great expression, will have to use this in the future) when you tell people once the baby is born, they will just have to accept the name. They will then bitch about it to other people, but never to your face. We always get the earful from MIL about how she hates the name BIL and SIL have given their DD, but she would never ever say that to them!

And don't give in to emotional blackmail. MIL actually once said to me something in the line of 'We want a good relationship with our grandchild, so it should have a name we like using...' . Which is complete rubbish, they adore all their grandchildren, including the one with the name they hate!

nocake · 29/03/2011 17:00

Definately don't tell anyone. We knew our DD's sex and had picked a name but didn't tell anyone. It meant people couldn't buy us lots of pink stuff or make comments about names.

confuddledDOTcom · 29/03/2011 22:04

Why should you have to tell people and potentially spend 4 months being told all the possible nasty nicknames and all the bad people with that name? Why can't people wait and find out when the name is given to the child? It does more harm to the choices to tell when doubt is put in your head than having to wait to hear.

witches · 29/03/2011 22:23

tehe yes totally in the same boat - i don't want anyone to steal mine so im not telling! I also agree that everyone has an opinion and are much less likely to be mean and force their opinion on you when there is a cute little baby!

TheSecondComing · 29/03/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 29/03/2011 22:32

Just tell them you aren't deciding until the baby is here - you have a shortlist and will let them know as soon as you have decided. End of.

SE13Mummy · 29/03/2011 23:12

We didn't tell anyone prior to DD1 being born but those who kept asking were given a series of names that rhyme with our surname i.e. Neil Peel. It didn't take long for the nosy ones to realise we really had no intention of telling - we had a top three and DH chose the one that DD1 looked like .

DD2 we had chosen a name but DD1 was old enough to add her, ridiculous, suggestions which thwarted even the most hardy of name-pushers...

Name-pusher: Oooh, what do you think your new baby will be called?
DD1: Curtains if it's a girl. Poo-Poo Head if it's a boy.
Name-pusher:
DD1: No, those are actually the names. I think Poo-Poo Head Surname sounds perfect. Don't you?
Name-pusher: Hmm...urgh...I'll get my coat.

confuddledDOTcom · 30/03/2011 00:38

LOL SE, when I went for a scan at 20 weeks my eldest asked the MW doing the scan if we were having a Peppa or a Smelly. Almost glad we're having a girl just for that alone! We're just managing to convince her now that whilst Peppa might be a cute nickname we need to give her a proper name too.

Original poster

Newmummytobe79 · 30/03/2011 12:58

Oh Cumbria81 you obviously havn't had to deal with the 'suggestions' I've had ... and ultimately it's none of their business! Quasi is spot on and as soon as baby is handed over for first cuddle they won't care if baby is called Adolf! I just think it's damn rude to pull a face at a name we've spent AGES picking and in 5 seconds come up with a name which is 'much nicer'! Rude, rude, rude! You wouldn't dream of suggesting a 'better' name for your friend so don't suggest other names for a baby. x

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