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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Surname quandry

29 replies

Verona11 · 27/02/2011 22:26

My DH and I have different last names and are thinking of combining the 2 for our baby as a double-barrelled last name. This means that we will all have different last names. For anyone else who has a different name to their partner, does this cause any probs later on in life with red tape, eg at school, passport or doctors etc? or is it just a case of correcting people's assumptions? our baby will be 6 weeks old on Weds so need to register name by then. 11th hour request for your thoughts.. Thank you in advance!

OP posts:

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SilkStalkings · 27/02/2011 22:36

I think lots of people go by different surnames and if you're all using both from now on, it will be far less problematic than the other way round (going down to a single-barrel and losing all evidence of the other name.)
Deed poll costs about £50 I think.
DH & I talked about blending our surnames into a new one and him changing his by deed poll before our wedding. We chickened out but have always regretted it!

Onion1968 · 27/02/2011 22:39

It shouldn't cause red tape problems but you need to think if you will ever be likely to marry your partner cos if you do then you will have the same surname as them and baby will be different. Also think about the consequences of baby having a double barrelled surname. If you live somewhere posh then that's ok but if not, is there the potential for the child being picked on for being different?
Juat my thoughts.

fifi25 · 28/02/2011 11:10

My 3 daughters all have their dads surname and the 2 dogs have mine so i dont feel left out. I prefer my surname anyways. The only problem you will encounter is being called Mrs partners surname

caz05 · 28/02/2011 15:35

My partner and I are not married either and my son has taken my partners surname. We did discuss double-barralling the surname when he was born but decided against it (mainly as we hope to be married one day and the double barrel was quite a mouthful) I have never come across any problems with forms, schools etc. think it is also becoming more common now to find unmarried parents so the surname issue is much more common then you may think. The only issue I have to correcting people when they say Mrs Jessop (as they just presume I have the same surname as my son) but this does not bother me.

iskra · 28/02/2011 15:40

onion1968, if they get married it doesn't mean that they will have the same surname! I'm married & I have my own surname still.

OP, I have a different last name to my partner & to my daughter. Growing up, I had a different last name to my father (we were all given my mother's name). It has honestly never been a problem with doctors, schools, travel or anything. Occasionally I have to correct people but that doesn't bother me. (Although I think DP's mum could bloody get it right!).

To go into boring detail, in my extended family everyone has different surnames. My great grandparents hyphenated for my grandfather, so he passed on a double barrelled surname to his children, all of whom have done different things with regards to keeping it/dropping it/combining with partners etc... So the only family members I share a name with are my brothers, my mum & one of my uncles.

birdofthenorth · 28/02/2011 18:57

They are married with diff surnames surely? OP said DH!

I have some experience of all this as I have the same surname as my stepson and his mum has her own surname, & at first his (rural, RC) school connected me to him more readily than her, but (a) I guess urban non-faith schools may be better at this (b) the school learnt soon enough & (c) both you & DH will be quickly linkabke to your DC by virtue of sharing half a surname (you less so if you just use DH's). Stepson's mum has on a few occasionally had queries eg taking DS through security etc but they are easily resolved. Many families have a whole host of surnames these days quite successfully!

My cousins opted to ALL double-barrell their names, parents too, when they had kids, so they could retain both surnames but have a family identity. All worked fine although for shorthand we all now refer them as "The DGs" (initials of new surname).

On the other hand my friend has a double-barrelled name & is now getting married & stuck whether to keep her own name or switch as triple-barreling is clearly not an option! I think that is one issue with double-barrelling, only really works for one generation...

minipie · 28/02/2011 19:04

My mum didn't change her name on marriage. I have both parents' surnames but only really use my dad's.

Never caused any problems whatsoever that I had a different surname to my mother, or that my parents had different surnames. The only slight "issue" I remember was that people tended to assume they were divorced - but that was easy to correct so not an issue at all really.

It was never an issue - and that's when it was much less common for parents to have different names than it is now.

I would say, though, think carefully about whose surname goes last, since it's quite likely that the first bit of the double barrel might get dropped...

DrSeuss · 28/02/2011 19:08

I am Miss Seuss, husband of 13.5 yrs is Dr Catinthe hat. Son and soon to arrive daughter are Son and Daughter Catinthe hat. Never been a problem. Friend is Miss C-H, married to Mr H., three children being the C-H children. We refer to them as the C-Hs. Also never been a problem. I suppose I could hav einsisted that DS get my name too but I wasn't that bothered. However, I will never change to being Mrs Catinthe hat.

yama · 28/02/2011 19:15

I am Ms MyName, dh is Mr HisName, dd is Miss MyName and ds is Master Dh'sName.

Works for us. No-one has batted an eyelid. Even my Grandmother-in-law addresses correspondence correctly.

DrSeuss · 28/02/2011 19:17

Ooh, Yama, I like it! Might have to try that!

yama · 28/02/2011 19:19

Thanks Dr Seuss. My dd is rather proud of her name. I expect ds will be too (he's only a baby).

eileenslightlytotheleft · 28/02/2011 19:20

I have a different name to DP, but the children have his names. Mine is very dull so I wasn't bothered about passing it on, and I don't like double-barrelled names. Never been a problem for me but older relatives struggle sometimes. Staff at the school, doctors, hospital are fine with it. It's normal stuff these days.

nailak · 28/02/2011 19:25

i have a diff surname to my hubby, and kids have hubbys surname, didnt make a blind bit of difference to anything

SnailWhaleTail · 28/02/2011 20:00

We are double barrelled in a very non-affluent, urban area and no one has ever batted an eyelid. We are also fairly much universally referred to as the B-Cs and even ds1 aged 5 refers to himself at school etc as Bob B-C.

If double barelling is the way you want to go I wouldn't worry too much about what other people may or may not think.

iskra · 28/02/2011 20:10

Yama that is what I want to do! Maybe I'll get my way with DC2...

yama · 28/02/2011 20:34

Iska, if it is important to you - you should.

yama · 28/02/2011 20:34

Iskra sorry.

pinksky · 28/02/2011 21:28

I didn't change my name when I got married but I have automatically assumed any DCs would take DHs name rather than my own. No idea why though... Looking here it seems like quite a few others have given their DC the male surname rather that female. For those that did, can you say why? Just interested to know.

DrSeuss · 28/02/2011 21:45

Just convention really. I just put Yama's idea to DH and he has no problem with it. MIL would hate it which is another plus point!

medoitmama · 28/02/2011 22:02

A friend of mine's DD has her ex DPs name. That's the one thing that really saddens her now she is bringing her DD up alone after he had an affair. Not wanting to sound all doom and gloom. Just that people do break up sometimes completely unexpectedly. I'd double barrel.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 28/02/2011 22:58

When we had DD, DH and I were not yet married or even engaged, so we decided to give her my last name as an extra middle name. I still don?t know if I?ve set her up for a lifetime of confusion when filling in official forms, but it was important for me that she and I shared a name and I didn?t want to double barrel as my surname was long enough on its own.

iskra · 01/03/2011 08:32

pinksky, I was given my mother's surname rather than my dad's (they tossed a coin & she won) & I really really wanted DD to have my surname too. DP really wanted her to have his surname & he won the fight in the end that's what happened.

yama, yes I must get on to suggesting that to DP now am pregnant with DC2.

iskra · 01/03/2011 08:32

notanothernewnappy, my middle name is my dad's surname (which is a VERY surname name) it's been fine.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 01/03/2011 12:56

Thanks iskra

Not meaning the hijack the thread, but I am now expecting DD2 and am unsure what to do about her name. DH and I are now married and I use his surname, so should I give her my maiden name as a mn so that she matches her sister? Or just leave it out?

What did you decide to do, OP?

SnackTime · 01/03/2011 13:04

DH & I have diff surnames, the DC have his name. Never been an issue, and we travel a lot. Then, yesterday, as we're spelling out DS's full name on some homework, he points out his surname and asks: "Mummy, are we related?"

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