How important is a name?

[stereo]

Are the names we give our DCs really that important or do we stew - and post! - unnecessarily? Have you ever looked at a person and thought 'they don't look like a ....' or 'what a horrid name'? I haven't.

There may be names all of us dislike but when that name is attached to a person, it ceases to be an issue. A name just identifies a person - it doesn't define who they are or what a baby will be in the future - although, granted, certain names do conjure up stereotypes (which they shouldn't IMHO!).

Your thoughts please.

I don't know, what I do know is that I am amazed how many people, who generally have nine months before the birth and 6 weeks after to think about this are still fannying about with names up to a year down the line. If you can't find one name in 10.5 months then you are overthinking it.

I have a name that was extremely popular in the early 70's and now has very negative associations. It recently featured heavily on a 'baby names that will never come back thread'.

I don't blame my parents as they couldn't have foreseen it, but in my 20's especially, I was permanently embarrassed to tell people my name. My Uni friends all called me by my initials to avoid calling out my name .

Now I'm over it but my name does definitely date me and as I work in a very young industry and don't look my age, I do find myself wishing I and a different name.

It's very diffult to foresee issues with names, but I think a name doesn't necessarily define you, but can have repercussions in your life.

Actually I think it is important to give some careful consideration to the name someone is going to be saddled with for the rest of their life (unless they decide to upset you by changing it).
My mum has a friend called Pearl but her surname is Button! what were her parents thinking?
I went to school with a boy called Thomas Thomas! obviously couldn't be bothered to think ...

and that's without some of the downright silly names acquaintances have given their offspring ...

I think names are extremely important. I have definitely looked at a person and thought "you don't look like a XXXX". I don't think "what a horrid name" but I have thought "what were your parents thinking?!?"

Maybe it's because I don't like my own name much. It's not bad but it doesn't have any elegance or grace (IMO). Fortunately at least it's not associated with any particular era or "class" and it's not boring. It's "just not me" and I despair of my parents' lack of style. There are 1000's of more elegant and stylish names out there than mine.

I distinctly remember that those girls with pretty names were better liked at least initially primary school(!) even if they weren't so nice. Same as those with pretty hair though. Kids are very shallow. There was a boy with a bit of an odd name who got picked on even as early as middle infants. Shallow things like add to the popularity or unpopularity of children and this tends to stick throughout. The more a child is teased the more they believe they are tease-worthy and then they look out for teasing where none exists, potentially alienating perfectly nice and friendly others. Its not ALL to do with a name but my point is, it CONTRIBUTES, along with pretty hair, nice shoes and anything else shallow that children notice and decide they like another child on the basis of.

I do have stereotypes attached to names but they usually dispel on meeting a person. However names that don't "flow", are tongue-twisters (even vaguely), or where the syllables are an uncomfortable mix for the first and second names, I find very jarring.

There have been studies done (can't cite but have heard various "experts" talking about such things on TV and radio) that show that names can be extremely important to a person's future. Certain names would be passed over CV-wise for certain roles.

I think that names are very important and can have a very positive or very negative effect on the person. People should think carefully, they may choose an outlandish name and then find that the DC hasn't the personality to carry it off.

rockbird not eveyone starts thinking of names as soon as they get a bfp . some who have suffered late losses do not erven start considering names until well into the 3rd trimester - just not wanting to tempt fate

I appreciate that, but even then you've got up to 4 months. Why does it take so long?

I think the obsession with unusual names is ridiculous, mainly as the subtext is "if I give my child an interesting and unusual name they will be interesting and unusual." They won't.

I agree that certain names do have negative connotations, but these come and go and can be very difficult to predict- all it takes is an unfortunate character in a hit movie and a name can be doomed for a generation.

That aside, most names are fine, so I think people spend far too long worrying about it and should just pick something they like the sound of and stop going on about it. Alternatively they could move to China where the complete rigmorole (sp??) of naming a child puts the baby names forum to shame (usually involves extensive star gazing and sessions with feng shui practitioners)

and some people leave it much later. We only seriously thought of names in the week before my son was born and hadn't agreed up to the point he was born.

I think this obsession with 'labelling' names is ridiculous and only prevalent in the UK. I've lived in the US and Germany and people there are much more open minded.

Here, a name is either 1) a chav name, 2) a posh name, 3) a dogs name, 4) a gay name, etc. etc.

Also the idea of children being bullied because their name is unusual or posh or chav is ridiculous - unless it is poopoohead or Willy, children couldn't care less what their mates are called. It is US PARENTS who have this ridiculous urge to label names.

I think the person is much more important than his/her name. The name is just a label to identify him/her. Names themselves are just that, names. They have no inherent characteristics.

My son's name has been described as 'poncy' on here and mumsnetters have warned that he'll get bullied unless he goes to private school. What a load of nonsense - he is currently in Y6 at our local primary, very popular and happy and he loves his name. So do we .

we----lll
actually I have had some thoughts about the name of people I have met.

I think it is quite important really

Sorry sophiesmummie I think what other people think is only a very small part choosing names for most people (perhaps more on MN judging by posts) if it wasn't important we could call our children One Two Three or Ay Bee See

I think it seems really important to begin with, when children are tiny, but it becomes less so.

I remember when people asked my babies names I felt like they were about to make a judgment of my choice. Now that they're both at school, it doesn't feel like that. People just literally need to know.

I agonised over not being 'allowed' my choices, but I'm beginning to let go of it now!

I must admit that my heart sinks a little bit when I meet (usually as a business contact) yet another middle aged man with a 'generic' middle aged man name.

John
Steve
Dave
Matt
Andy
Pete
James
Phil

There are so many men with these names that they all roll into one, and I know I will struggle to remember the man's name the next time we meet. It's a pity parents in the 50s and 60s weren't a bit more imaginative with their childrens names.

I suspect the same will be true for all the Jack/Charlie/Harry/Olivers in the future. An interesting name may not be the most important part of your identity, but it will stop people just remembering you for your big ears/spotty face/halitosis/lecherous manner.

But being named Agamemnon doesn't prevent people from remembering you as the man with big ears and halitosis and the unusual name

I agree, Cuppa. We've recently had some work done to our house and literally every other tradesman is calles Steve... I have such difficulty remembering who is who .

I find it much easier to remember someone with a less used name.

We sometimes forget what naming someone/something is. It is to identify it/him/her. Nothing else. And the more unique and specific a name, the better it serves to identify it/him/her.

I'd love to meet an Agamemnon . Honestly.

I think we all should try hard to find the right name for our children. But what is 'right'? Personally, I agree with rachel that the point of naming someone is to identify them (and avoid them being one of 4 in the class). The name should also sound nice with the surname and reflect the person's cultural heritage.

The bestowing of a person's name is a huge honour to me.

I think it's worth thinking about and interesting to talk about.

All the peole I know with unusual names love them. Having an overused, every second person of your generation name is a bit shit.

I agree though that there comes a time when you need to just pick something and stop agonising over it. And that time is when the baby is born.

I think what you name your child is very important as they will have that name for life. Often it is the first thing someone will learn about you and base judgements about you and your background.

What do you think of when you see or hear the following names ? -

Chardonnay
Chelsea
Kevin
Norman
Sharon
Demi
Cameron
Callum
Beatrix
St. John
Tarquin

Even more importantly what will your children's future employers thing when seeing your child's name at the top of a C.V.?

There is a body of research that shows that, no matter how open-minded and evidence-based people think they are being, first impressions matter hugely. Your name is part of the first impression.

Also, negative associations matter (not just in UK): how many baby Adolfs have their been since 1945? And would anyone really be comfortable with naming their DC after the school bully, even if that person hadn't been seen for 20 years? Or would happily name their DD the same as their DH's first serious girlfriend?

Of course it matters!

And it's fun.

4 girls in my year at my first junior school with my first name. 2 in my second junior school. At my senior school there were 6 Elizabeths, 4 Emmas and 4 Emilys. I was the only one with my name in my year but there were lots in the school. I hated being one of so many and longed for something more original.

I think that a name should be unique enough that you're not one of 4 but not so unique that you are forever having to spell it to strangers or call centre staff.

I have never met an adult and thought "what were your parents thinking!" The name just becomes an extra part of the person not anything more!

dd1 was given the name I thought was pretty and I didn't know anyone else with that name...that was until she got to school and even more so at secondary school. It is a name that suits dd1 though and she is happy with the name.

dd2 was named by dd1 and granny and has a lovley pretty name which I thought every dc in school would have, but there is no one in her year at secondary with this name and only two at junior with this name and yet it is a fairly popular name - or so I thought