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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

What would you do if one of your best friends....

52 replies

sleepyhorse · 28/10/2010 21:33

is having her baby boy a few months before you and she confesses to you the name they are thinking of going for is the same name you have been secretly planning/dreaming of for months/years??????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

spidookly · 28/10/2010 21:35

I would pick another name.

BelligerentGhoul · 28/10/2010 21:36

I'd see what she chose in the end and if it was the same name, I'd use a different one.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 28/10/2010 21:36

Say 'it's a lovely name, it's the one we've picked too'.

othersideofchannel · 28/10/2010 21:37

I'd also pick another one. There are so many names out there, enough for everyone .

MarshaBrady · 28/10/2010 21:37

Tell her you have been dreaming/planning on using it for years.

Beamur · 28/10/2010 21:37

I'd use the one I like regardless.

spidookly · 28/10/2010 21:41

Whatever you do, don't let her name her child and then a few months later call your child the same name.

If you're planning to do that give her fair warning so she can pick another name if she wants.

mopsyflopsy · 28/10/2010 21:41

I'd probably choose another one if the children are likely to be close (in age and distance).

mopsyflopsy · 28/10/2010 21:43

And I agree about warning your friend - she may decide she wants to choose another name. Some people are more bothered than others about this, and it is only fair to warn her.

Original poster

sleepyhorse · 28/10/2010 21:50

Yes its a tricky one. Obviously I wouldn't want the boys to have the same names but its just annoying as its been one of my favourite names (and the only one that me and DH can agree on). Really struggled with boys names and there aren't that many other ones that I would say I really like. But at the same time I feel I can't really say anything to her as its probably going to cause bad feeling plus I don't really think its fair to put her in that position.

OP posts:

Beamur · 28/10/2010 21:54

I don't see why it's such a big deal. I'd probably mention it, compliment her on her great taste and say that its one of your favourites too.
You might not always be friends, or your baby might be born and you decide on another name.
Use the name you love if you want to.

spidookly · 28/10/2010 23:19

"You might not always be friends"

charming

"why not do something you know is likely to upset a friend, you might not always be there friend"

sounds like something of a self-fulfilling prophecy to me

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2010 23:21

I would say "OMG you can't call a baby that!!!" whilst winking up my nose.

She would then choose another name, and I could merrily use the name I liked.

DinahRod · 28/10/2010 23:26

No but friends move away/dwindle in their intensity etc. and if it is THE name, rather than just one out of a list of possibles, then would say the same as ShowOBS advises, "It's a lovely name, it's the one we've picked too."

Unless it's something like Galahad, you are likely to encounter and even make friends with others who have offspring of the same name anyway.

1Catherine1 · 29/10/2010 02:52

I would tell her that you have picked it too in case she has back up options. Tell her it is the only one you and your OH agree on so you intend to use it too. Chances are she'll pick another name then and if she doesn't then you can decide when your DC is born if it is still the name you want. If it is, use it anyway.

QwertyQueen · 29/10/2010 05:25

Did she know that it was the name you had been thinking about for ages?

RockBat · 29/10/2010 06:10

I'd tell her as well and then go ahead and use it. Be as misty eyed about it as you like, but friendships do change. You'd be gutted to sit looking at Aloysius that you desperately wished you'd called Peregrine but for a friend you haven't seen for 7 years.

KenDoddsDadsZombieDogsNotDead · 29/10/2010 07:00

You should tell her. It will cause bad feeling and resentment if you don't tell her, on your part. And if you have your heart set on the name you must explain that to her. You never know, she may not be 100% sure about it anyway.

CrazyPlateLady · 29/10/2010 09:43

I would tell her that we had been dreaming of using that name for years.

Me and DH have had a DD name picked out for 8 years. We are having one now. If someone was having a DD before me and said they were using this name, I would tell them that we are using that name. I wouldn't change a name that I had wanted for all that time but I would give my friend the opportunity to change her mind if she wanted to.

yummymummie1 · 29/10/2010 12:01

Tell her thats the name you have chosen and if she still wants to use it she can but you will be using it.

ragged · 29/10/2010 12:07

What YummyMummy said. Nobody "owns" a name.

valiumskeleton · 29/10/2010 12:15

How popular is the name? Is it Harry, Thomas, William, jack or Oliver? If so, this is just the way it's going to be.

TBH, I wouldn't want to risk my child having the same name as a good friend's child. It would seem a little unimaginative and confusing when you're together. I'd just pick something else.

RunawayPumpkin · 29/10/2010 12:32

I think you should tell her it is the name you will be using also

MentalFloss · 29/10/2010 12:32

I don't think it really matters, my brother and cousin have the same name and they never cared because they were called two different nicknames.

One was Will and one was Billy so it never really mattered to anyone.

No-one has ownership of a name - there are only a limited number of names anyways.

CharlieBoo · 29/10/2010 12:45

Do you know you're having a boy then? Tbh this bugs me as no-one owns a name. A friend of mine was mightily pissed when her cousin chose 'her' boys name for her ds. My friend at this point was neither married or even had a boyfriend and years down the line has gone on to have 2 girls.

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