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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

What would you do if one of your best friends....

52 replies

sleepyhorse · 28/10/2010 21:33

is having her baby boy a few months before you and she confesses to you the name they are thinking of going for is the same name you have been secretly planning/dreaming of for months/years??????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cumbria81 · 29/10/2010 15:54

pick it as well! it's just a name and you might not even be friends forever.

And even if you are, so what?

My sister had the same name as my parents' very good friends' daughter. They were just known as Big X and Little X when we were together.

phipps · 29/10/2010 15:57

I either would tell her that is our choice too or say nothing and still name the child the name I have wanted for years. I think people get so het up about name choices.

CrazyPlateLady · 30/10/2010 19:00

I would tell her its your choice too so she can't get annoyed about you 'copying' her if she does use it. At least she will be forewarned that your DCs will be called the same.

Original poster

sleepyhorse · 30/10/2010 19:43

Well ladies you will be pleased to know....I told her its our choice of name too and just as I thought she did get a bit funny!! Don't really care anyway as its not even like we even see other that often anymore since she moved away.

I do find it quite amusing though how some people think they own a name!!

OP posts:

spidookly · 30/10/2010 20:04

I think it's less that they think that they own a name and more that they think that since names are used to distinguish one person from another, that you don't deliberately call children the same name as other children of a similar age they are likely to see a lot of,

sounds like you don't like her much (one of your best friends??!) so the fact that this is likely to harm your friendship is neither here nor there.

Original poster

sleepyhorse · 30/10/2010 21:03

Spidookly - looking at all your comments on here, think you need to chill out a bit...

Firstly, why should I have to settle for 2nd best on a name...there aren't that many boys names I like so think Im entitled to go with the name that I love regardless of who else says they like it for their child too, especially when its a friend that I probably see twice a year because we don't live in the same area anymore.

Also its not like its an unusual name, quite popular so its not like nobody else is going to have this name - Joseph!

Thanks to all the other ladies on here though for your positive support, good to know most of you live in the real world...!!!

OP posts:

SlaughteredSheep · 30/10/2010 21:10

It's happened to me! DH and I decided on our girls name before I even got pg. My friend is due her little girl a week before my DD2. She texted me after her scan saying, "we're having a girl! Her name will be X" the same name that we're having! I just texted her back saying, "congratulations! Omg, you're kidding - that's the name we've chosen!"

We're still sticking with it! Friend doesn't mind and neither do we, although our DD2 will probably be known by a nickname and hers won't.

spidookly · 30/10/2010 21:26

Pmsl :o

so you can be a dick to strangers on the Internet as well as your supposed friends?

"Why should I take other people's feelings I to account? I'm the only person in the world who matters!", whinge, whinge

I'm not saying you can't call your baby the BEST name in the world (and presumably any brothers he has, because you couldn't possibly give ANY child a second-best name).

I'm just saying you'll likely see that friend less than twice a year from now on.

A1980 · 30/10/2010 23:18

I haven't read the whole thread so it's probably been said before but unless it's a very obscure name then it's reasonably foreseeable that two close friends would like the same name.

I don't think it matters all that much if your children have the same name.

Hullygully · 30/10/2010 23:19

kill her

A1980 · 30/10/2010 23:21

PS a friend of one of my friends copied BOTH of her names.

My friends DC's are Thomas and Georgina and her friend named her children those names. They're younger than her DC's too. I said somethnig to my friend and asked if she thinks it was deliberate. She said it probably was but she doesn't care.

MuffinMouse · 30/10/2010 23:29

This would really annoy me. You could try telling her that it is also top of your list and you will probably both have the same name. She might change it - but you might also find that she likes it more because you do. I had a friend totally change her choice of girls name to the one I said I had always liked for a girl! (I stupidly thought I was on safe territory sharing as she seemed to have definitely chosen already. It was an unusual Italian name, and I still find it odd that she did this).

Yummygummybear · 31/10/2010 08:34

If she has moved away & therefore you won't be seeing eachother all the time & your boys won't be in the same nursery/school etc then it doesn't really matter and I would choose the name anyway.

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/10/2010 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MadBanners · 31/10/2010 08:51

sleepyhorse - she probably got a bit funny as you went away then came back and said you were using that name. She may have reacted differently if you had said straight away that you were using that name.

And,as you say, it is amusing that people think they "own" a name, and yet here you are, getting upset about a friend using "your" name!

I had a common 80's girls name..and was also a Smith before I married!! So in my class, there were 2 other girls with the same first name, and surname, one of them even had the same middle name. The only time it caused a problem, was when they were trying to get me to do on of the other girl's detention!! they got all confused!

cupcakebakerer · 31/10/2010 09:07

My imagined dilemma hasn't reached this stage yet but it's something stressing me out too: do you tell friends and aquaintences your chosen names prior to babba being born so they don't choose the same name or after, running the risk they do but taking away that lovely surprise element - it's a minefield.

OP I would tend to agree with a few others who said that you should have immediately said that's the name you have chosen but to be honest I'd have probably panicked, not said anything, agonised over it for days, plucked up the courage to tell her after boring family to death over my 'dilemma' and left said friend feeling pissed off.

dreamingofsun · 31/10/2010 10:39

no-one owns a name but if you are a friend surely you should be considerate to your friends feelings. if they have taken ages deciding on a name you should at least forewarn them so they can change it.

many people don't want their child known as big x or little x. it may not bother you but a good friend should consider the other person's feelings.

we have fallen out with people over this - because our impression was that they didn't give a xxxx about how we felt.

CrazyPlateLady · 31/10/2010 11:23

"so you can be a dick to strangers on the Internet as well as your supposed friends?"

The only dick here is you Spidookly. Again, another thread I have come across where you call others offensive names. Pattern with you isn't it.

smilingserenely · 31/10/2010 11:43

think it depends on the name if its a very unusual name (eg outside the the top 500) then i would understand why you both might be upset .

if it is a relatively unusual but popular name( that is in the top 100 but not the top 50 )then statistically it's likely that a close friend may choose that name but there is an element of bad luck if it does happen.

if howevever its a very popular name that is top 10 or even 25 it's highly likely that close friends will have dcs with the same name . joseph was at number 14 in 2009 so very popular  . if you can live with that then call your dc your favourite name if you can't then find a more unusual name.

personally no matter how much i loved a name a friend or relative calling her child it would spoil it's uniqueness for me .
i would never ,however , expect someone else to change their chosen name because i'd already picked it . names are names and you can't bags them .

 i wouldn't fret too much until your friends  baby is here because  many babies named x before there arrival become baby y at birth.

Original poster

sleepyhorse · 31/10/2010 11:55

Thank you Crazyplatelady - its good to know Im not the only one who has been getting verbally abused on my thread by some idiot!

OP posts:

BikeRunScream · 31/10/2010 11:59

I'd tell her, but if you have been dreaming of it in secret, then she can't have known can she ? If I loved it, I would use it anyway, epsecially if you warn her. If she is bothered, she can always use another name.

bundlebelly · 31/10/2010 12:50

How did you respond when she firt told you?
Best to talk it over. So both of you have opportunity to change your minds if you decide to. Problem is, as soon as you feel you can't have something you want it MORE!
Good luck!

bundlebelly · 31/10/2010 12:54

Sorry, just read that you have talked it over. Joseph is gorgeous name. I have one! Gets called Joey or Joe.

nappyaddict · 31/10/2010 12:55

I'd say oh you have good taste we're planning to use that too. That then gives her chance to either decide she doesn't mind if your DC have the same name or pick a different name. If she does go with the same name you then have the chance to decide whether you mind about them having the same name or pick a different one. This way no one has to be "forced" to pick a different name.

321sanitygone · 01/11/2010 13:39

On the street where I used to live there were 2 of each child pretty much. Bearing in mind that it was army housing and the occupants generally move around every 3 years it was sheer dumb luck that it happened that way but it goes to show that no matter how hard to might plan to have a unique name someone else somewhere might have done the same and somewhere down the line your paths may cross. I would just same name your child whatever you want to name them and your friend can do the same. As long as you and you OH's are happy with the name then no-one elses (even your best mate) opinion matters. it's your child after all.

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