how would you feel if your child didn't like your choice of name and changed it when they were older?

[lollipopshoes]

either changed it completely - by deed poll or whatever, or asked to be known as their middle name instead of their first name.

If they did this, would you still call them what you had chosen or would you respect their choice and go with what they wanted to be known as?

Does it depend on what name they choose?

Does it depend on what age they are when they make the decision?

I'm not talking about children playing around and using their imagination, I am talking about a child or an adult that is desperately unhappy with their name and makes a forever decision to change it...

I'd feel a bitsad and guilty that I landed them with a name they hate - but of course I'd respect their decision.

My son started using his second name at age 6 ( I think).
I felt guilty that I had saddled him with a name he hated (William) and wrote to his teacher about the change.

she was a bit resistant as her own child, in the same class, had my son's second name as his first name and 'wants to be the only one in the class.'! Well, tough.

Anyway she gave in (!) and he relabelled all his stuff, and it was fine.

I mostly remembered, family and teachers mostly remembered, and soon other children all made the change.

Now I think of him as xxxxx.
At 16 he changed by deed poll so his name would be correct on exam certificates.
I don't feel it was a big deal now. Sometimes I come across a book with William written in wobbly pencil and think 'aah, that was you.'

I would go with what they wanted of course. They have unusual names, I hope they'll love them, but I'll understand if not. They have more normal middle names they can switch to or indeed they can choose whatever they like. My sister changed her name by deed poll, it's not a big deal to me.

thank you all.

The reason I asked:

I have an odd first name (think parents made it up) but a normal middle name.

When I was 12 I decided to be known by my middle name and that was deffo me. My family still refuse to acknowledge this and always call me by my first, very odd name.

dp thinks they're all showing a distinct lack of respect for my feelings, whereas my mum takes the view that "that's the name we gave you, it's our right to choose your name" Which obviously is right when you're days old, but when you're in your forties it gets a bit stale!

Just wondered what the general consensus was - I think I have the answer I wanted.

Thanks all.

I have a friend (aged 42) named Rainbow-Sky by her hippy parents. she changed it to Jo...parents were fine and realised they'd actually given her a really stupid embarrassing name.

Poor Rainbow-Sky.

I know a Rainbow of hippy parents. He works for a hedge fund. Drives them insane .

I would be upset that they didn´t like the name but would go with their wishes.

I suppose it would be easier if they asked to use their middle name as at least it would still be something that I had chosen iyswim.

Your partner is right about your parents imo.

If a child dislikes a name as normal and as popular as William I'd take him to see a child psychologist just to check that there was nothing serious going on.

If a child hates the name Rainbow or running-river then that kind of figures.

Lollipopshoes, in your case, I think your parents need to respect your wishes. THey took a risk making up a name, and it didn't pay off, you don't like it, and you've been consistent in your feelings since you made the decision. You have chosen one name and stuck to it for 28 years. I think it's a real lack of respect for your wishes.

An old acquaintance changed her name from Tracy to something more classic and her mother wasn't thrilled but accepted it.

My daughter has a rather long name (5 syllabels) and so when she was born we gave her a shortened version of it which then turned into a nickname of that. She is now school age and asked only the other day to be only known by her given long name (which is beautiful and not at all odd btw) and we have all accepted that. Her shortened name i love in its own right but could never call another DD it as wouldn't be fair to DD1. Only we are allowed to call her by the shortened name and sometimes nn and i am glad as it always pops out especially when calling across the park to her etc.

Her middle name is my first name so would be a bit confusing (my middle name is the first part of her first name) anyone confused?

syllables even!

am desperate to know what LIP's dd is called

What an interesting post. This should be linked to other name threads where prospective parents have daft names in mind.

This one has struck a chord with me as I have an unusual name that I dislike. As a child I hated my name because it was so different and obviously foreign. I used to get teased about it a lot. I am far more self confident these days and as more people are better travelled and are more cosmopolitan my name doesn't sound so unusual. Even now, I have only ever met one other person with the same name as me.

My children have classic names so I'd be a bit shocked if they hated them so much they wished to change them (whereas I'd be ready for it a bit more if I had taken a very unusual name gamble).

But if they chose another name/wanted to use their middle name I would need to respect that. I get to choose their name when born but deed poll exists for people to choose their own name when they get to a certain age.

I agree with your partner - it is very disrespectful to ignore your wishes and is treating you as a child.

I think I would go with my child's choice. Indeed, we have given our ds a choice of middle names just in case!

My ds1 has an unusual first name and a classic middle name - the latter given precisely in case he wants to join a bank.

I'd be (a little) hurt if he changed to his middle name but I'd respect his wishes - if he was over 5 and didn't now wish to be known as 'spiderman' fi.

I've got a very unusual first name, which, on and off I have disliked - although it never got to the stage of me wanting to change it.

However, it is a family name (mum, grandmother, great-gran) and I know my mum would have been hurt if I had a girl and did not use the name (I wouldn't use the name and she knows it, but it's moot because I'm not having more DCs)

I think your parent's feeling are understandable, but to me, their lack of acknowledgment of your feelings is very hurtful

I think your parents are baing very rude. I would long ago have stopped answering to the given name.

A friend of mine has quite an "old" name which she dislikes. She mentioned once that she wishes she could change it, but thought she could only do it if she moved house and could "start again" telling people her name was something different. I think I'd be able to call her something different quite easily as long as I knew that was what she wanted.

My DCs have reasonably ordinary names. If DD, for example, wanted to change her name to something more unusual - and don't most of us as teenagers? - I think I would struggle to accept it. I might be more sympathetic if she turned out to be an actress and felt she needed to change it to get an Equity card but still, I think I'd fret.

I've always been known by my middle name X, even by my mum but she still registered me as ZX knowing she had no intention of using Z

Z is an 'old' name but even though I hate it, I've kept it for official stuff. I've never thought of a name I like enough to change it to.

I made sure 'known as' was written in by the registrar so that it wasn't read out during my wedding ceremony though

I think I'd be disappointed but accept that it was their choice. You might give them a name when they're born but when they're old enough to have opinions of their own then it's understandable that they might not see that name as them.

ah weddings!

At my wedding, my parents insisted that the vicar use my first name, even though most of the guests knew me by my middle name.

They were all looking round like this thinking "are we in the right place????"

Surely the vicar should have used the name you wanted, not your parents

yes, but as they were paying for the whole shebang, including the meringue, it seemed like a small request at the time.

Wish I'd stood my ground though, I've let it go all these years and never really stood up and said "FFS THIS is my name!"

At my wedding the vicar used the shortened version of my name the whole way through and he did for my DH too who also has a longer name. We signed our full names in the register but as we are known by our shortened names it made sense to use them in the service. No one in the family commented even though my mum insists on calling me the full name 99% of the time!