how would you feel if your child didn't like your choice of name and changed it when they were older?

[lollipopshoes]

either changed it completely - by deed poll or whatever, or asked to be known as their middle name instead of their first name.

If they did this, would you still call them what you had chosen or would you respect their choice and go with what they wanted to be known as?

Does it depend on what name they choose?

Does it depend on what age they are when they make the decision?

I'm not talking about children playing around and using their imagination, I am talking about a child or an adult that is desperately unhappy with their name and makes a forever decision to change it...

There is a little William at my ds's school who gets teased with Willy a lot, so I can see why BuntyPenfold's ds may have preferred his middle name. No need to see a child psychologist imo.

BuntyPenfold, that must be quite sad for you. I know how I feel when I see the DCs' little drawings and things they wrote when they were little, and their names are still what I gave them -- it brings a lump to my throat that they will never be so young again, so wobbly. I really admire you for accepting your DS's choice and for respecting him enough to allow him to make it when he wanted to.

'A rose by any other name'...

OP's parents ought to respect her decision. I could understand them feeling slightly disappointed, or maybe making the occasional slip and calling her the original name by mistake, but to refuse to call her by her chosen name on principle is plain rude.

I changed my name by deed poll at 18 (ie, chose a completely new first name and kept my previous name as a middle name). My parents have always called me by my chosen name.

God. if you changed your surname on marriage, would they insist on calling you by your original family name? no different IMO.

Well... 10 years married here and my dad still addresses all letters in maiden name!

However, am with the majority in that if it were my DC changing their name I would be disappointed/guilty but would respect their right to choose.

Off topic a tiny bit, I always wonder this about Kwame Kwei Armah, the playwright (Black British), who was born Ian Roberts. I can see the political reasons why he'd change his surname, but I wonder if his parents are quite happy with him ditching Ian, which is a name they presumably chose with love and care for him. Of course it's entirely possible that they've had a family heart to heart and they see it 100% his way.

My DH has always been called by his middle name, it was never intended that he use the first one. But our mad as a hatter confused priest called him by his first name through the whole service. I said my vows to a name I'd never used. I hated it.

I dislike my first name, & have been known by a shortened form since my teens.

Both parents took huge offence at this & used to pointedly call my Uni digs demanding to speak to 'Euphemia, although apparently she prefers Effy these days '

It caused massive arguments, which frankly no-one actually needed to be having - both sides were BU.

Years later, they began to accept it. Dad now calls me Effy in audible inverted commas, iykwim. Which grates, & I wish he'd just go back to Euphemia...

THEN I started using my full name on FB, simply because in the early days of FB everyone was using 'Sunday names'...also, it goes better with my married name than it ever did with my original suname.

I now get called Euphemia by people I only know slightly & Effy by personal friends. Simples. But that pisses my dad off, too - he thinks I made a massive fuss about nothing. & I did, but so did he!

So I've always resolved that I'm just not going to sweat this one - if the dc want to change their names, I'll accept it as a war I'm never going to win.

Ds hates the short form of his name & always pulls me up on it. Serves me right! [hgrin]

LOL at 'audible inverted commas.'

When sending a card, my sister always puts our house name in actual inverted commas as if it is an affectation, when it doesn't actually have a number (and we're not posh or rich, it's just what the happens round here). I think she thinks I am Hyacinth Bucket.

My mum and uncle both get called by their middle names and have done since childhood. It's only on official documents their full names are written.

I didn't even know it was my uncles middle name until about 5 yrs ago when looking at old photo albums at mums and her wedding invitation of his and my aunties was there. ( that's 25yrs not knowing)

I asked my grandad why they didn't just swap the names around at birth, if they weren't going to use the first names. He just shrugged his shoulders and said it just happened that way. My mum doesn't know.
But my other uncle( their brother) goes by his first name. That's actually the worst of the lot.

One of the reasons I am unreasonably vociferous on baby name threads is that my step nieces and nephew had names that they hated so much and which made them so unhappy that in the end they each had a big "name-changing" party in the summer before they started secondary school, and each chose a name for themselves to be called from then on.

Their father was furious, and tried very hard to stop it. Their mother was disappointed but supportive.