baby name list - etiquette

[tiredfeet]

I just wondered if people have had to deal with similar situations to this, and how you handle it? - we were out at a meal with dh's sister and her husband, and the topic of baby names came up (I'm pregnant, 33 weeks). They asked if we had a list yet and I said we were just beginning to think about names (didn't want to encourage the conversation as I want to only discuss names with DH). She then (and she's not pregnant yet) announced that she keeps a list of potential names and that she's really annoyed as a few of the names have been 'used' by her friends, and then was about to get the list out and show it to us (the implication seemed to be so that we wouldn't then use the names). Luckily the waiter came at that point and then I managed to start a new topic of conversation before the names thing could crop up again, but I'm pretty annoyed about it. DH said that if the list had come out, we could have just said ' oh yes thats on our list too' whenever there were names that we liked, but still, it would have potentially caused problems with her if we then used one of the names.

Or am I being unfair in being annoyed with her? If it had been one name, that she had absolutely set her heart on, I might have been irritated but I think I would be a bit more sympathetic, but a whole list seems a bit much to me.

The only way to "claim" a name is to have a child and use it, and even that isn't 100% as (believe it or not) there are not as many different names as there are children.

If she does show you the list, take DHs advice and say something like "Yes, we've got quite a few of those on our list too" and then change the subject.

She carries the list around with her???

It astounds me how adult women (maybe some men too) think they can own a name by putting it on 'their list' - truly ridiculous behaviour! If she had told you her most treasured baby name in the whole wide world, that had very special personal meaning to her, then I think it would be nice gesture to not use the name but she does not have dibs on a list of names just cos she likes them!!!

I say steer well clear of any baby name discussions with her around so you dont have to worry about family upset if you happen to chose a name on her list!!

Your being perfectly OK to me

I think she is getting a bit ahead of herself, if she's not even pregnant or planning on getting pregnant yet how can she reserve a name?!?!

That's like the bridezilla's reserving theme colours for their future weddings they will have when they dont even have a fianced yet!!

We have had this as well from a friend, her telling me what her names are, when she is not even at that stage in her life yet, thats exactly why i have insisted on not discussing it with anyone but DH, i would keep it that way if i was you, and any chatter about it from her just change the subject - she is being silly!!

First come first served

Bonkers!

Her, that is, not you

Even if she had her heart set on a name, if it was what you had chosen then tough. Nobody can lay claims on a name!

It would have annoyed me too.

SiL is pregnant about a month or two ahead of me - I got told my MiL last week what names she had "reserved" that we weren't allowed to even consider. They weren't names we were even considering to be honest (they're ones that I think are done to death and have been in like the top three for about the last 5 years) but the very idea that she'd called dibs and we were blocked from anything that had been dibseyed really really got my hackles up.

I'm buying a baby name book, claiming that's my list and calling dibs on them ALLLLL.

emptyshell

It's a minefield!
If she has decided on one name then fair enough and she'd better use it.

You are doing the right thing in not allowing it to be brought into conversation however I think SIL will prob want to bring it up again.

I always refused to see any helpful lists and I think I would say that I didn't want to see it!
I'm not known for my tact.

My friend was pg with her first and was discussing the names she liked with her (not even pg) SIL. SIL said that Joshua* was her favourite name and could she not use it etc, etc - so my friend sort of reluctantly backed off and picked something else.

Anyway, her SIL later did go on to have 2 boys - and called neither of them Joshua.

Pick what you like - it is first come, first served, like theladylobster says

*name changed - just in case...

She's not even pregnant and she carries around a list of potential baby names? Agree, that is utterly bonkers.

I am currently expecting DC2 and this is the second time I've been pregnant at the same time as my SiL. Fortunately we have completely different taste in names. But your SiL isn't even pregnant so I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who found this a bit barmy! Interesting that some people who do this then don't even go on to use the names anyway, .

didn't realise people did this with wedding theme colours too , although actually, I can imagine her doing that too...

If I knew someone who wasn't pregnant but carried around a list of baby names to show to people who were pregnant so that they would avoid the names.... I'd think they were a bit loopy.

PMSL at this thread and her carrying the list with her!

OTT completely.

BTW, the best thing to say is you've already decided on names, even if you haven't, and are not telling anyone until the birth announcement. This discourages people form chipping in with suggestions or telling you certain names are 'reserved'

If my SIL did that to me I'd tell the daft bint to F off.

Mind you I can't stand my SIL. She would have had a list like this...

I agree, don't even go there.

Even if cousins do end up with the same name, it's not the end of the world.. DH is even named after one of his first cousins.

LMAO how is someone that nuts actually going to find a man to impregnate her?!

I wouldn't worry about it too much...if she brings out the list, despite your protests, I would be inclined to wind her up deliberately and say "ooooh, I hadn't thought of [insert name at top of list] - thanks!"

Hope the last 7 weeks of your pg go smoothly - I'm also 33 wks - I'll race you for Leyla if you have a girl pmsl

I called my child the name a friend had just called hers...

I once told someone at a family party a name that I liked and would consider should I have a baby, she had a baby first and used it. I felt a bit 'oh, I wanted that name' but four years down the line I did consider using it for my DD regardless. However, by then the name in question had become SO popular it put me off therefore, I didn't use it.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is, by the time she deicides to have a baby, her list will probably be redundnat anyway, I know I also change my opinions about names all the time - so why she is stressing over it now is ridiculous!

I have two first cousins called Alex (Alexander Jose and Alex Rafael). Mums were sisters who adored each other and it was no big deal.

That's ridiculous if she isn't even pregnant.

You can call your child whatever you like and if she has a problem with it then she has to live with it. What's the big deal?

Are you sure she was serious? Maybe she meant it as humorous and didn't really have a list in her pocket at all? She must know she can't "own" a name and that the choice is up to you.