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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Stealing baby names from friend???

49 replies

CupcakesHay · 08/08/2010 16:12

I'm just pondering this one.... (and it might be a moot point, as I might end up with a boy)

I'm pregnant, due Jan 2011. my friend had baby last jan - and called it Beatrice. Which I love. Thought it was amazing name. Sicne getting pregnant, haven't heard a name I like as much....

I live abroad, and see her, ooh, about once every 6 months, and keep in email contact with her.

Can I steal her baby name? Do I need to ask? is it bad ettiquette? Will she hate me???

Advice please....

OP posts:

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jabberwocky · 08/08/2010 16:14

If you like it, use it. Especially since you don't live near her. No one really "owns" a name anyway. Even though we like to think so sometimes.

Igglybuff · 08/08/2010 16:14

Well if you had a friend you saw every 6 months, keep in email contact with and she used the same name as you, what would you think?

I'd find it weird but be a little flattered although miffed as well!

thumbwitch · 08/08/2010 16:15

How good a friend is she? YOu could always contact her and say you were thinking of using it because you loved it so much when she used it for her DD and see what she says...

My DS is called the same name as the DS of a good friend of mine, but they are 10y apart.

MrsC2010 · 08/08/2010 16:21

I would contact her out of courtsey, as much as it seems silly to the logical side of me!

Original poster

CupcakesHay · 08/08/2010 16:36

I had kind of put myself in her shoes - but my reasoning is, that she'd be flattered and always know she had the original "beatrice".

Ho-hum.... maybe i can just try and find another name. I have liked it for ages cos I used to read Ramonna books when I was little and always thought her big sis Beatrice was cool....

And it's not worth losing a friend over. but she might be alright...

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 08/08/2010 16:38

Ask her! She probably won't mind at all. But you won't know unless you ask, and you might end up with a name you don't love as much - or you coudl wait and see whether it's a girl or a boy before worrying about it. :)

SecurusScriptor · 08/08/2010 16:38

Cupcakes I would contact her and point out that you love the name and want to us it. (Not the same as asking her -as Jabberwocky says noone owns a name).

An acquaintance used my babyname (for a boy, I don't have any boys and am not planning anymore children) I still can't help but feel a bit p'd off with her.

By contrast, a good friend and I had DD's within 2 months of each other and both chose the same name. We chatted and realised that though we are friends we may not be in contact in (e.g.)10 years time, so why not use the same name. Our children are unlikely to be in the same social circle and even if they are it really doesn't matter does it?

I'd let your friend know, just to avoid any bad feeling about it.

SecurusScriptor · 08/08/2010 16:39

Beatrice - lovely name by the way!

Original poster

CupcakesHay · 08/08/2010 16:48

Thanks - I think I'll wait and find out what wwe're having and if it is a girl... I'll see.

I did have another baby name, but my best friend used that on her now 5 year old daughter, so really don't think i can use thta. Myabe I'm unlucky! Thanks for all the advice... i'll wait and see, and then contact her if it's a girl.

OP posts:

skidoodly · 08/08/2010 16:54

If a friend called their child the same name as mine I'd take it that they didn't plan for our children to spend much (if any) time together.

LaundryLyne · 08/08/2010 17:05

I think you should go ahead and use it :)

nancydrewrocked · 08/08/2010 17:16

I wouldn't TBH - seems a bit strange although having said that my DD does have the same name as a friend's DD.

We were in antenatal together and she was due three weeks before me, one day she asked me if I had chosen a name and I said it was between A & B and she said oh that will be interesting because if I have a girl it will be A. My DD arrived first and we did call her A, as did my friend with her DD. Didn't seem strange because at that point the name didn't seem to "belong" to anyone but I think it would have been odd if her DD was 6 mths older IYSWIM?

jellybeans · 08/08/2010 17:18

I discounted all names of family/friends/good aquaintences. I wanted DC to be the first with their names of the people we mixed with. I have family who used names of cousins/neices etc and thought it was little unthoughtful. I would use something else.

ragged · 08/08/2010 17:21

I would contact her and ask in a grovellingly way if she mind, because I love the name too and I don't think anyone would get confused, keep saying what a lovely name it is (flattery all the way) etc.

If she's a half-decent friend she should be fine about it. If she gets sniffy then I'm not sure she's a friend I'd want to keep, tbh.

skidoodly · 08/08/2010 17:24

Well I wouldn't really want to keep a friend who'd do this, so I guess the world divides neatly into people who think the world works fine if everyone has the same name and the rest of us who know what names are actually for.

LaundryLyne · 08/08/2010 17:33

everyone has the same name? :o

heymango · 08/08/2010 17:50

I discounted all names of family/friends/good aquaintences.

I did that........ and was left with nothing! I didn't want to settle for a second-best name just because someone else liked it.

In the end one of my closest friends phoned to say, by the way, if you like (her DD's name), we really don't mind. We live quite far apart so it's not a problem, so we went for it.

I would ask them - they will probably be honoured!

SecurusScriptor · 08/08/2010 17:55

Exactly.

I thought I was giving DD a highly original beautiful name.

Turns out every other small girl around here is called Ella.

Why discount yourself from using the name you really like?

ValiumSingleton · 08/08/2010 17:59

i think Beatrice is inside the top 100 now so it wouldn't be beyond the realms of possibility that two friends would both like it.... but if I were you I would try to like another name.

What about Juliet. She could be a sister to a Beatrice!

ValiumSingleton · 08/08/2010 18:01

ps, maybe you could email her and say to her
'can I ask what other names were on your list, as we both love Beatrice and are looking for a name like Beatrice but not Beatrice!'

List off a few names, which she will invariably consider inferior to Beatrice and you never know, she might email back and say 'go ahead, use beatrice!'.

A girl I know only a little told me that her baby would be (my dd's name) if it were a boy, and I didn't think she was stealing the name, I knew from her first two children's names that that was entirely in keeping with her style.

reddaisy · 08/08/2010 18:03

Rightly, or wrongly, I would mind TBH and I wouldn't do it. I would just find another name.

I really, really like the name Henry but DH's nephew who we hardly see is already called Harry, and I think they are too similiar so we will find another boys name if we ever need one.

But other posters are right, no-one owns a name.

Contacting your friend is the right move as at least it includes her.

skidoodly · 08/08/2010 18:05

Beatrice is an ugly name anyway.

PMSL @ Ella being an unusual name

reddaisy · 08/08/2010 18:05

Having said that if I didn't think the friendship would last then I would definitely go ahead and use the name regardless of what my friend thought!

ValiumSingleton · 08/08/2010 18:09

Skidoodly, I checked the top 100 names in the UK, USA and Ireland (and looked at the top 20 across Europe too...) What can I say? I had 7 wks maternity leave and a computer !

NOT that I was 100% happy with DD's name, it was a compromise, but I too am always amazed when people think that a name (eg Ruby) is really unusual.

OP, I think if you're friend had called her baby Juliet or Vivien you'd think that that was the only name you liked... You must try and make yourself consider other names.

serendipity16 · 08/08/2010 18:13

I loved the name that my niece had been i was pregnant with DD1. I wasn't going to use it but mentioned it to my brother & he was fine with it & said it'd be fine. I rarely see my brother & his kids.... last saw them about 3-4yrs ago.
We were all calling her by that name including my 2yr old son but i lost her at 35wks.
My mum TOLD me to change her name & use it for when i have another girl ( i found that very hurtful) & my brother refused to come to her funeral (which i kinda understood). I refused to change her name as i'd been calling her that since 20wks.

I'm now currently pregnant, due in Jan & so is my niece.... well i say niece but she's 2yrs younger than me lol. Due 3 days apart & we both have picked the same name for a girl without knowing each others names.
This will be a harder as my husbands side of the family are very close & see each other every week. One of us maybe have a boy so it may not be an issue.

I think i'd contact her & let her know. If you love the name then i'd still use it though esp as you don't see her that often.

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