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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Stealing baby names from friend???

49 replies

CupcakesHay · 08/08/2010 16:12

I'm just pondering this one.... (and it might be a moot point, as I might end up with a boy)

I'm pregnant, due Jan 2011. my friend had baby last jan - and called it Beatrice. Which I love. Thought it was amazing name. Sicne getting pregnant, haven't heard a name I like as much....

I live abroad, and see her, ooh, about once every 6 months, and keep in email contact with her.

Can I steal her baby name? Do I need to ask? is it bad ettiquette? Will she hate me???

Advice please....

OP posts:

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ValiumSingleton · 08/08/2010 18:17

Some lovely names on the US names between 1900 & 1910 list. You could get some great inspiration from that list!

I love Hazel and Cleo

jellybeans · 08/08/2010 18:41

Francesca instead?

Original poster

CupcakesHay · 09/08/2010 09:07

Thanks - food for thought. I do like 1 other girl's name... but DH isn't too keen.

I think i'll wait and see.

I think, at the end of the day, i might leave it.... who knows... it might be a boy!

OP posts:

hatsybatsy · 09/08/2010 10:11

we chose the same name as our neighbours - i texted from the hospital to let them know and to say i hoped they didn't mind.

she texted back to say that it was a great name and they were glad we liked it too!

no one owns a name - if it really is your favourite when she is born, then i think it is polite to let your friend know that is what you are doing, but don't think it is a reason to go with your second favourite name.

MrsvWoolf · 09/08/2010 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuntyPenfold · 09/08/2010 12:46

Love Beatrice and know a gorgeous little one.

It can't be that rare any more. I would say you can only steal a name if it has been invented by your friends.

LouMacca · 09/08/2010 13:29

Of course you can use it. I wouldn't use it if it had already been used by a family member or close friend but your cirumstances are different.

It is a lovely name.

dreamingofsun · 09/08/2010 20:47

for me its all about consideration of your friends feelings. if they have chosen a name thats not that popular on purpose then they are not going to be very pleased if you use it. for me it would be a sort of way of saying you don't value their friendship that much. at least thats how we felt when someone did a similar, though slightly worse thing to us. but reading through this there are 2 very obvious schools of thought. would be different if it was a really popular name - ie top 5.

queenofthehouse · 10/08/2010 09:11

I had a name for our ds1 and when born it didn't feel right so we didn't choose it. It was not so common at that point and since then I know three people who have used the name for their ds. It is now not even an option to me although one of the mothers (the only one I know well enough for it to be a problem) said if you still like it of course use it. She actually loved the name I used for our ds and ended up with our original name as she felt she couldn't use our ds's name. I am now having a dilema as I like quite popular names for our ds2 and just one that is less common. I wouldn't be at all miffed if someone used our childs name btw but I would feel a little copycat if I did it myself. If you love it though and you barely see her you shouldn't. If she was the sort to be miffed in my opinion that's silly and and bit self rightous, i'm sure if she is your friend she wont think on it and it won't even occur to her to be put out. People don't own names. Another thought to add though we chose around 5 names and used non of them for our ds1 so you might change your mind last minute so don't ask (out of courtesy) until you know it's 'the one.'

Loujalou · 10/08/2010 10:42

I know two sisters who had boys within a few months of each other who have the same name .

But with friends its a bit difference as you may not be friends with them in the future and would be annoyed if you didn't use the name you liked. There is all Beatrix slightly difference but you could use the same nickname Bea.

Loujalou · 10/08/2010 10:43

PS the sisters are really close and see a lot of each other. The boys even share the same nanny.

lill72 · 10/08/2010 12:17

I am having the same sort of problem. My friend told me ages ago if she ever had a girl she would call it Ruby. Now I thinking of using Ruby as a second name.

My friend and I are having girls a few weeks apart. Sh is in Australia, I am in the UK. We are not super close, but she is the kind of person that sort of thinks she can own a name.

what do you think?

dreamingofsun · 10/08/2010 14:47

if someone is a not very close, fleeting friend who lives a long way away and the name is popular i don't think it matters. but if they are a close friend and they have chosen the name in part because its not popular then i think this is wrong. i agree people don't own names but i still think that a real friend should be considerate to anothers feelings

yellowflowers · 10/08/2010 19:14

I wouldn't ask her - it's your decision not hers and no one owns baby names. Several friends are due the month before us and even if they use same name as we have chosen we are going to use it anyway - unlikely they will be in same class or even same school and really how many of your parent's friends children are you close to? Probably not many so it is unlikely they will be close friends either.

Original poster

CupcakesHay · 10/08/2010 19:26

Funnily enough, was discussing this whole thing with another friend today.... and she came up with a good point - or so I thought - I've been trying to get pregnant for AGES - so pretty much all my close friends but one have had babies, and more babies... and so loads of names i like, or have even mentioned to friends at the time, have gone.

I'll keep you all posted - hopefully finding out end of this month what i'm having - and if it's a girl, I'll go from there. but I don't want to lose my friend over this.... :)

OP posts:

bigstripeytiger · 10/08/2010 19:32

No-one owns a name, but I think that it is bad ettiquette to copy, especially if it is a fairly unusual name, as then it look more like it was copied, rather than just people liking the same name.
I think that it is more acceptable if the name isnt unusual, or if the children wont be around each other much.

ValiumSingleton · 10/08/2010 20:23

dreamingofsun I agree with you. it's about consideration for other people. What did your friend do that was like stealing a name but worse!? There should eb a nosy parker emoticon.

dreamingofsun · 10/08/2010 20:58

well i'm glad someone agrees valium. it was the fact that our childs godparents did it, knowing that we had chosen a slightly unusual name on purpose. i guess i had expected a little more love from a godparent. though reading this thread maybe i'm just being unrealistic

ValiumSingleton · 11/08/2010 09:21

no, I think it's odd! If you choose the name Emily, then, ok, fair enough it's statistically likely that one of your friends will have a child with the name Emily. But if you choose the name, I don't know, Dulcie or Greta (just examples) and your child's Godmother recycles the name...... I would be and . there are thousands of names!! How can people think they only like one! or that they can't like another?!

BigHairyGruffalo · 05/11/2010 18:17

Sorry to resurrect an old thread. I was speaking to a friend this week and she has a name dilemma. Although she has not yet reproduced, she had chosen her favourite boys? name for a baby long ago (first and middle names) and all the family know what it is. Recently, her DB and Dsil have had a boy and given him both the first and middle names that my friend had chosen. Friend is very rational and found it flattering that they obviously think she has such good taste in names and she obviously doesn?t think that she ?owns? the name, but she has now had a barrage of phone calls from other relatives telling her that under no circumstances may she use those names.

Would it be wrong of her to still use them? She is not close to her brother and the nephew is using a shortened version of the name, but family are adamant that she is not to use it.

sunshineleah · 05/11/2010 20:44

Why should it be up to her family?! It is her baby and if she is not close to her brother then... I don't see a problem personally...

dexifehatz · 05/11/2010 21:21

I personally don't like the name beatrice at all and if you want to use it you don't really have to ask your friend because you onle see her rarely and live far away.

thell · 05/11/2010 22:37

I know someone who decided that if she had a boy in the future, she would like to call him Harrison, as it was her surname (anticipating that she would have a married name by then).

And her older sister got married first and stole the idea for her son.

A very hurtful thing to do!

Yummygummybear · 06/11/2010 08:19

As your friend's DD is already born & has the name I don't see a problem with it at all.

It's not like you are taking her favourite name that she hasn't been able to use yet.

I would be surprised if she were offended & not flattered.

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