Fellow celiacs! Is scrutiny sexist?

[chipofftheoldblock]

I was diagnosed celiac at 36, no major GI issues but a lifetime of chronic migraines, cold sores, anaemia, UTIs, rashes and ulcers resolved just like that! Magic!

Now in the 1.5 years since diagnosis I have had at least 8 men ask me, when I tell them I am celiac, “are you really celiac? As in diagnosed by a doctor?” or a variation of (more than just someone asking “gluten intolerant or celiac?”). None of these people were cooking or providing food for me, they were just people I’ve been chatting with.

In the beginning I found it pretty amusing that people ask this of me (can’t think of any other disease where someone would feel entitled to ask query whether it was diagnosed by a doctor) but I am starting to find it quite annoying.

And the reason for me posting this is that I just found out my only celiac friend who happens to be a man has never had this asked of him! I honestly couldn’t believe it. And he was diagnosed similarly late in life.

So what are you experiences? Any women get asked this loads? Any men get asked this?

For context I am a woman working in a male field so I am often pondering what’s sexism and what’s not because it’s rife but because of this I’m massively over sensitive to it.

My Mum has coeliac disease and she doesn't get asked this, but there's definitely women and men who assume she's being dramatic and a little bit of gluten can't be that bad.

Questioning if it's a REAL diagnosis definitely applies to many other conditions as well.

Well I guess this is just from my privileged position of not having experienced other conditions! I had no idea people would be so rude, especially as I could never imagine asking somebody that.

And I agree it’s very annoying when somebody thinks a little bit wouldn’t harm. I had a couple good friends suggest I must just be mildly celiac because I don’t have GI issues so I’m allowed a day off here and there 🙄

Gosh, I’ve been diagnosed coeliac for 20 years, and not one single person has asked me if I really am! The closest I can get is that 20 years ago, it wasn’t anywhere near as widely known, and people in restaurants used to ask me if I had an allergy or preference to eat gf, which used to piss me off.

What kind of people are you meeting with?!

I am not a sufferer, but I have worked in hospitality. And it is possible that the problem is arising from so many people - most of them women - pronouncing themselves "gluten intolerant". So we clean down the surfaces, use different prepping boards, etc etc to avoid cross-contamination.

And then they have a bite of their husbands's battered cod 🙄

And, sad to say, it is nearly always women who have decided they are "gluten intolerant".

Gluten intolerance is nowhere near the same as coeliac disease, though. People with an intolerance don’t suffer effects from slight cross contamination. I used to work with someone who was intolerant who would eat the odd cake and “suffer later”, which I couldn’t and wouldn’t even dream of doing.

I dont think its sexist. More that there are so many people that have just decided that they are gluten intolerant based on nothing that they may assume its a dietary choice.

You’ve never been asked! Wow maybe I just look like a liar 🤣

These have all been men in trades (joiners, plumbers) who I work with, it could be just this particular sort of men.

I think women are probably more likely to choose a gluten free diet because they think it helps them, despite no diagnosis. I think that adds to a general view that people who don’t eat gluten are all fussy eaters being difficult.

I have coeliac disease. And more people choosing gluten free is good because it does mean more places cater to it, but I also think it means there’s a bit of a stereotype of young women who don’t eat gluten.

Rude of them.

Lots more women than men choose gluten free, for a range of reasons. Seems likely these men have opinions about this and only deem some reasons (such as diagnosed celiac disease) ‘worthy’ and / or judging what women (as a group) do.

agree with you that sexist attitudes seem at play.

I do understand this which is why I mention it’s outside of hospitality/food setting. I personally don’t see any problem with people asking for GF and the server saying “are you intolerant or celiac” as it’s crazy for a kitchen to go to all this drama if its not a big issue for you.

i do think there’s a lot of unnecessary judgement towards people who are gluten intolerant, mildly or moderately. Just because they’re not celiac they can still react badly to gluten. I guess my attitude comes from years of being lactose intolerant (caused by undiagnosed celiac as it turns out). It in no way compared to someone who had a serious milk allergy but I would still have had to run to the bathroom if I ate a bowl of regular ice cream. Not wanting to shit yourself is not being a drama queen 🤣

My child has coeliac too. All sorts of problems linked to it too. People just think it’s a fad possibly & that you buy the gf stuff to stop bloating and such like. So maybe they are just getting it straight in their minds about if it’s a strict diet or a temporary measure.

There’s been plenty of mistakes at restaurants over the years, it’s bad! So I prefer if people ask questions, then they realise contamination is a very serious matter. It’s like GBH of the gut. It can do so much harm if you have gluten if you are coeliac. It’s good for people to know the difference. Or you get given gravy, stock in soups ordinary cornflakes etc. A relative made homemade rice rolls. I asked if they had made them and are they gf. They said yes & my child was ill because they did contain gluten. It was probably the flavourings in it. People just don’t understand it.

I totally get it. I find cross contamination with close family the biggest issue. My parents coming to visit and being so careful to prepare gluten free dishes but then I have to constantly police them about chopping boards, putting knives back in the butter covered in toast crumbs, dipping crackers in my hummus.

But all of these situations I ask about are outside of food preparation scenarios. They’re just nosy blokes!

@chipofftheoldblock yes child also can’t take too much milk. She used to be sick a lot before diagnosis. A dietitian told me ‘you can’t possibly cut out dairy too, or she’d never be able to eat anything’
…erm, hello!!!!!!! This is common. Dietician - supposed to be an expert!

Yes good to be questioned on it OP, spread awareness?

Other child is strangely gluten intolerant. We will have to do a gluten challenge for her soon I expect but she’s not under a gut doctor.

I guess gf is mostly viewed by the majority as being a choice. Probably why you have been questioned a lot OP.

the years leading up to my diagnosis has made me realise how little a lot of health professionals actually know. My child is also celiac but I had to push hard for a test because the doctor couldn’t see any evidence of her having growth issues or major GI issues. And that’s such an old fashioned idea, that all celiacs are pale and skinny and have had growth issues! Studies find that when doing random testing 10-27% of positive celiac diagnoses are for people who have absolutely no symptoms at all, and 50% of celiacs have no gastro intestinal issues at all.

so the science has been catching up but out of date attitudes are still everywhere, even with medical professionals!

I've not been asked this but I'm in my 50s so mostly spend time with people who already know me well and knew me pre-diagnosis. I'll ask my daughter. She's early 20s and I was diagnosed after she was diagnosed a few years ago, when she was anaemic.

I was once in a cafe and the person making my drink along the counter shouted across everyone 'is it an allergy or an intolerance?' in an aggressive manner. I can understand the reason they ask but she could have been a bit more sensitive about asking. Its been so much harder for her as she's had to navigate shared student accomodation and starting a new job.

It would be great if everyone understood coeliac disease and what it means for preparing food but I find myself having to say I have coeliac disease, I need gluten free food. And some people only understand gluten free and not coeliac disease.

Its because I have met loads of women who lie about this as a way of covering up disordered eating. Ive never know a man to suggest they are coeliac to avoid eating bread.

I have very recently worked out (by myself) that I cannot tolerate gluten. I have been suffering for 1 year with terrible itching that resulted in red raw skin all over my body. It has been a very uncomfortable year.

Saw 3 GP's and 1 Derm. over the course of a year. Only 1 of the GP's suggested a food allergy. On all 4 occasions I requested blood tests and allergy testing but was told it was pointless.

I've been telling everyone I know since I finally figured out what the cause was. The only comment they have all made is that it must be a huge relief for me (it is).

I don't intend to get tested (unless the GP recommends it) because to be tested, I'll need to ingest gluten again, my horrible symptom will return and I can't go through that again.

Since the penny dropped, I have actually realised that I did, in fact, have other symptoms, too.

If anyone asked me about being tested, I would just say no, it was very clear what the problem was.

I am used to people's stupid comments because I have chronic eczema and sometimes after a very bad flare up, people will tell me about how they had a patch on their ankle and E45 cleared it up and I just smile and say 'that's great'. They don't understand.

I have been asked this. By random people, and also in restaurants which is obviously different.
The one person who is like this with me is my Mil, who is clearly convinced that I am just being attention seeking or something.

Yes, this: whatever illness or condition you have, there will be idiots who haven't ever suffered from it themselves, so on that basis they reckon that it 'can't be that bad really'.

Even well-intentioned people will say that they "hope you're better soon" when you have a lifelong condition with bad days and not-quite-so-bad days and they assume it's like a cold, where you feel grotty for two or three days and then all fine again.

I'm surprised at people questioning it when you've actually told them that you're celiac, though - they must be particularly dim. Plenty of people - and it does seem more commonly women - will say they're 'gluten free' or 'gluten intolerant' or tell you how it "makes me feel a bit bloated", and it IS a lifestyle choice (perfectly valid, of course); but the only people I've ever met who've told me that they're celiac are people who ARE celiac.

Maybe it's a bit like OCD, where people like to self-diagnose and minimise a very serious condition that they've never been diagnosed with at all (and show, at best, only the very mildest of potential symptoms of it).

Yes, this is so, so true (also worked in a hotel for many years).

12 years diagnosed and never had anyone question me.

Why would the plumber even ask? Are you one of those people who randomly tells everyone? Keep your medical history private and nobody will say anything.

My cousin has Coeliac. She very occasionally will have a slice of pizza, knowing she will suffer later, because she loves pizza and the GF stuff just doesn’t cut it for her. She says she gets to the point where she is sick of constantly having to watch what she eats and she wants that pizza dammit. She’s willing to put up with the effects of it from time to time.

It has been proved that all issues about women's health /illness are trivialised, that women's pain is not treated seriously so i suspect this is what is going on here.

I'm the same as you. I felt so much better after I gave up gluten. It was suggested that I start eating it again so that I can have the test but I couldn't face it, and now I just avoid what I know will lead to pain and a sleepless night.