Fellow celiacs! Is scrutiny sexist?

[chipofftheoldblock]

I was diagnosed celiac at 36, no major GI issues but a lifetime of chronic migraines, cold sores, anaemia, UTIs, rashes and ulcers resolved just like that! Magic!

Now in the 1.5 years since diagnosis I have had at least 8 men ask me, when I tell them I am celiac, “are you really celiac? As in diagnosed by a doctor?” or a variation of (more than just someone asking “gluten intolerant or celiac?”). None of these people were cooking or providing food for me, they were just people I’ve been chatting with.

In the beginning I found it pretty amusing that people ask this of me (can’t think of any other disease where someone would feel entitled to ask query whether it was diagnosed by a doctor) but I am starting to find it quite annoying.

And the reason for me posting this is that I just found out my only celiac friend who happens to be a man has never had this asked of him! I honestly couldn’t believe it. And he was diagnosed similarly late in life.

So what are you experiences? Any women get asked this loads? Any men get asked this?

For context I am a woman working in a male field so I am often pondering what’s sexism and what’s not because it’s rife but because of this I’m massively over sensitive to it.

Difficult when they're handing biscuits around in the office, or it's someone's birthday and there's cake.

I find that increasing demand for GF doesn't actually improve quality. Places assume it's just a fad diet and cook everything together causing contamination. So despite more places offering "gluten free" there are no more options for coeliacs than a few years ago.

I think the trouble is a lot of people (often women) sadly use these illnesses to hide eating disorders. If they have a long list of things they "can't" eat and a viable excuse they can get away with pushing a carrot around a plate at lunches. I think it speaks to the lack of mental health services we have and the obsession with weight loss injections etc bringing eating disorders back to the fore.

"Loads"... really? Where? How do you know? I honestly can't recall having met someone gluten free who was obviously just using it as an excuse to hide an eating disorder. I know these people will exist but I don't think this is super common.

I've come across a lot of people who avoid gluten because it makes them a bit bloated/other non-celiac symptoms. That's not disordered eating, that's listening to their bodies.

Exactly

I have definitely got family members like this also

Well yes, I have ADHD and I'd love to have a penny for every time someone has tried to convince me I "don't need to label it" or should just try harder. "Have you thought of making a list?" I also have a rare and serious endocrine disorder and I've had people ask me whether rather than taking the medication that keeps me alive I couldn't find plants that mimic the effect of certain hormones in the body, to avoid "putting chemicals in your body". There's no limit to people's stupidity.

Having said that there's also people who do make it seem like food intolerances and allergies are a bit of a joke. A relative of ours goes on a different diet every other week. Preceding a visit, she once sent a list foods she couldn't eat, including gluten, wheat, any dairy "except brie"(?), most starchy vegetables, it went on and on. I asked why as this was all new and she claimed she was now allergic to all of it. I was 8 months pregnant , had no intention of trying to cater to that diet on top of feeding my own family, and told her that the supermarket was a 5 minute walk away and she could find whatever she wanted to eat there. She decided she wasn't so allergic she wasn't willing to eat the food I cooked.

With people like that going around it's not massively surprising that some people hear the word "gluten" and roll their eyes.

You just politely decline? No need to explain yourself. I also have a stoma so avoid certain things that upset it. I wouldn't say no to something and say it's because of my stoma, that is just weird.

DD is coeliac and was diagnosed very young. The main issue we have is people who have chosen to be GF telling us she can eat things she can’t - because they are fine with it.
Last time she was glutened she was unwell for weeks. The problem is you end up being lumped in with people who have chosen it

What an obnoxious comment. I work with plumbers, joiners, electricians and other tradespeople every single day. We have a shared tea room for our lunch breaks and we all sit down to eat at the same time. I do not mention any other aspect of my medical history thanks but my being celiac has inevitably come up when I am constantly being offered biscuits and pastries and takeaway pizzas.

Yes I totally get this. Very frustrating!

The brie diet! I could get on board with that!

That reminds me of the classic Viz 'letters' - made out as coming from people who assume that they're really smart but betray themselves by saying utterly stupid, ignorant things.

My favourite was "Scientists keep telling us that chocolate is dangerous for dogs. Well, I may not be a dog, but I've enjoyed chocolate as a regular treat all my life and it's never done me any harm!!!"

<not remotely comparing people to dogs at all; just the idiotic principle>

"No thanks" is a complete sentence.

Yes I think it’s because women are more likely to be dieting, or eating some sort of fad diet, concerned with weight etc in a way that men aren’t.

is it sexist? I think so, although I am having difficulty articulating why it is. Probably the assumption that all women are obsessed with food and diet in a way men aren’t?

one of my DD’s is gluten free. Like you nothing specific but once she came off it a lot of niggly health issues disappeared. Thing is she feels so much better she cannot bring herself to eat gluten for the two weeks to obtain a test and formal diagnosis.

i think the only time she’s been asked if it’s diagnosed or an intolerance is in restaurants. Presumably to assess whether cross contamination is less of an issue.

Coeliac here, diagnosed many years ago, I have never been questioned about the diet or told 'that a little bit won't do any harm'. I discuss it straightforwardly when I need to; otherwise, I don't mention it.

Coeliac here, diagnosed many years ago, I have never been questioned about the diet or told 'that a little bit won't do any harm'. I discuss it straightforwardly when I need to; otherwise, I don't mention it.

Not all gluten intolerance is like this
I am not celiac ( been tested several times whilst on a gluten diet and was negative)
However I am intolerant. Since I went gluten free, I've been able to stop taking any medication for IBS and hardly ever need asthma inhalers unless I have a cold.
It only takes a small amount of gluten now to trigger a really unpleasant IBS attack. I certainly don't have "a cake and suffer the consequences" because the consequences are horrible ( full blown IBS attack, sometimes with vomiting and a really bad sudden onset headache).

Unfortunately there are loads of them and they are all women. I've worked in catering for years and when clients list foods they can't eat, I have to firmly ask them if they're coeliac, have a serious allergy or medical condition. The answer is very rarely "yes" to any of it. The kitchen has to perform handstands to make sure there's zero cross contamination and also has to check (and tripple check) every single item that is bought in. This all adds considerable time, extra preparation and expense to any event. Which isn't OK if someone is on the latest celebrity diet or they've cut out gluten because they've irrationally decided it's unhealthy.

I'm gluten intolerant. And parts of this thread are what I face in life. I've had IBS most of my adult life & finally went gf after eating pizza, then barely being able to get up next day. All self-diagnosed, just thought I'd try as I was sick of feeling sick. My eyebrows grew back, my bloating/digestion improved, my elevated liver results came down (never went normal though)... A few years later I'm back to being quite ill again, despite being gf so I may have further food allergies, possibly dairy? or undiagnosed auto-immune? Who knows? But I do know that I get a lot of verbal rubbish coming my way from friends/family/wait staff for being gf. Not helped by gf oats being in everything now, and I get a really bad reaction to gf oats, or sorghum, which is also considered gf sadly and in lots of gf products. I cannot digest gluten, my symptoms are completely grim, and last for a few days. It usually happens once every 9 months, more if I'm travelling - I kind dread it. Avoiding gluten really limits one's world. I've been quite depressed about the whole thing at times. With no support as I've no diagnosis. And people suggest that I'm being awkward or faddy. I'd really love to eat normally. Or failing that for there to be more openess to food limitations and less ridicule.

The only way to diagnose coeliac disease is with an endoscopy (very unpleasant).

Most people have an aversion to something (don’t like it) or an intolerance (it doesn’t agree with them, in old money) - but they are absolutely not “allergic” .

My cousin had a boyfriend who had diagnosed himself with this, that and the other and made a monumental fuss in restaurants. The inward eye-rolling from all concerned was just the same as if it had been a woman. Oh, and bil announced he was lactose intolerant - as diagnosed by his Hopi ear candle therapist…

My dd is allergic to penicillin, she is asked every single time, are you really allergic & what happens? Sometime very patronisingly. Dd explains her face goes red and puffy

unfortunately many people say they are allergic, when it’s actually side affects. I think the same happens with celiacs disease, people say they are intolerant which is different. My son in law has celiac and has been asked if it’s a real thing or choice