Autoimmune, divorce, fatigue- help me please

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Hello, I wonder if any of you have experience similar to mine. If so, I'd be so grateful if you could share them.

I'm in my mid 30s and was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition last year. I believe this was brought on by lots of trauma from years of being in an abusive relationship with my ex, who I am divorcing.

I am now a single parent to some very lovely energetic (energy draining) children.

I am going through a very nasty divorce. I'm so incredibly fatigued because of my condition that I'm finding it almost impossible to respond to solicitors and get the things done that I need to do to progress and finalise the divorce. My ex is very angry and is threatening court if I don't speed up with the paperwork.

I feel so unwell. I've just spoken to a GP today about my fatigue and didn't get any useful help. I'm so exhausted that I struggle to make myself meals and I'm becoming obsessive over which foods I need to avoid as they could make me unwell. I don't know what to eat anymore as everything is bad for you these days.

I'm scared about the outcome of the divorce. My ex has told me he will make sure he 'wins' financially. He hides cash from his business. I'm so tired that I struggle to even work part time so I'm frightened about the future. How will I cope financially. Don't think I'd be ill enough for pip.

I'm basically a shell of the person I once was because of the fatigue. My mind is constantly thinking about autoimmune disease, fatigue, worry around eating the right foods, children, single parenting, divorce, aggression from ex, life. How do I get through this??

Thank you and please comment if you are able to offer any advice or personal experience or positive stories. I feel so alone.

Exactly the same position. It is exhausting, utterly exhausting. I became very ill.

You just have to put one foot in front of the other. He will not be able to "win financially"

You are poorly because of him.You will feel so much better when it is all done.
xxx You are not alone.😘You are strong. Heat up nutritious soups. Eat fruit.

Look up Dr Ramani on you tube (abusive relationships) and treat yourself as kindly as possible.
That cycle of fear WILL subside eventually. Well done 👏

No experience to share but a great deal of sympathy, with the whole situation but especially the lack of help with fatigue.
Previous post is right about one foot in front of another, I would add be content with small steps too. It is incredibly hard to break the circle of fear and overthinking, could you find some online courses to help with this? Do you have a close friend or family member who would help with corresponding with your ex? Or is the any agency which could advocate for you?

Thank you so much for replying @BlackStrayCat and @eatreadsleeprepeat

@BlackStrayCat I'm so sorry that you have experienced this too. It's hard enough to feel unwell with a chronic health condition, without then adding a nasty divorce on top of that. Thank you for your advice and I hope you are OK.

@eatreadsleeprepeat thank you for your kind words and for the suggestions. I really appreciate it and will look into those.

Do get some methylated folate into you and b12 and any other vitamins turmeric etc . Give yourself the best chance . Eat healthily bananas apples greens . Iron etc also .

It is horrendous; you go to sleep exhausted and wake up exhausted.

Your body is in survival mode.

I imagine your health will start to improve once the divorce is finalised and some of your worry and stess is reduced.
Do you have any friends or family who could help with childcare to give you a day to focus on the paperwork where you can concentrate uninterrupted?

Hello Abcdefg1234567abcdefg,
I’ve just come across your thread while scrolling for Methotrexate info and was wondering how you’re doing now?

I understand totally as I’m in the same boat.

Hi @Therewere5inthebed
I haven't posted here for months. Thank you to all of the responses from everyone.
It's interesting to think about where I am at compared to then. I'm some ways I'm no further forward, but I do feel stronger mentally in comparison.
I am still going through a very nasty divorce and since I last wrote, my ex has done some terrible things to me (and our children) financially. The stress has been terrifying tbh. It's hard to know how to improve my financial situation with fatigue and brain fog.
I'm having a nightmare with my medication and am waiting to be put onto a new one. My rheumatology dept is shockingly disorganised and have failed me terribly. If I had the energy I'd complain... But I don't.
However, I do feel a little better in recent weeks. This has made a difference to me...
Time, just making it through each day is taking me one step closer to divorce and freedom. Yday I found a link on here about how happy women felt after divorce. It brought me so much joy and I feel excited for the future...
Listening to meditations, yoga nidra, visualisations have made a huge difference to me mentally. I type in 'guided visualisation better life' into YouTube. You can rewire your brain to think more positively. This is scientifically proven.
I've been trying to move out of victim mentality and into being my own hero. I am a victim of some terrible things, but I am becoming more powerful, strong, independent and I find swearing a lot about my ex helps me to release anger 😆 I used to hold anger inside because I was a 'nice person'. Now I allow myself to feel angry and be 'unkind' about my ex and it feels good for my body.
I like to follow the likes of Dr Tara Swart who talks about rewiring the mind. Worth a follow!
I watch Dr Ramini who talks about narcassists. It makes me feel validated about my relationship and that I'm not alone. I've learnt about trauma bonding and can see how I ended up in an abusive relationship.
I've learnt about the typical personality types of women who get autoimmune disease: anxious, people pleasing, good girl complex. So I understand how I've got to this point and what I can do to help myself.
I also asked for help. This was incredibly hard for me and links to childhood trauma. But I did it and it has made a massive difference. I now feel that I have some support. I wish I'd done this sooner.

You'll notice lots of what I've done has been work on myself and work on 'growing' emotionally. I still have physical symptoms in my body and I still have fatigue, but something is changing... I'm slowly feeling better able to focus and deal with things.

I only work a couple of days a week and that's a struggle. I still have autoimmune symptoms. I still have fatigue. I still struggle knowing what healthy meals to make and I worry about finances. I still experience nastiness from my ex. In a lot of ways my life is still hard and similar to how it was in May.
BUT I have hope for my life being better after divorce. I know I will have more peace and freedom. I know I will be in charge of my own destiny. I know about the strong link between mind and body and I am excited to get better and better. Some days are better than others and I allow myself to feel both. It's OK to feel your feelings.

@Therewere5inthebed I really hope that some of what I say can help you. It's been a long road and it's tough, very tough. But keep going... Before you know it, things start to improve, positivity starts to creep in and you realise you feel a little stronger.

Things I've noticed since divorce thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5114650-things-ive-noticed-since-the-divorce?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Something else that has helped a lot is breathwork. Breathing 'properly' and putting more oxygen into your body has scientifically proven benefits. I noticed quite a difference in fatigue when I started it. I did Wim Hoff beginners breathing on YouTube (about 11 minutes long) and I regularly do the 'physiological sigh' where you breathe in twice then exhale.

I like to follow accounts on Instagram too that make me feel less alone, things around divorce, autoimmune, gluten and dairy free food (made a difference to my fatigue), powerful women, people who have 'reversed' autoimmune, single parents, fatigue, spirituality, neuroscience, healthy eating... I try not to follow doom and gloom accounts and I focus more on people who share the reality, humour and hope.