Is it rude to knit while chatting to friends??

[KnittingKnewbie]

Hi all,
I'm new to the Arts and Crafts page 😁

I've recently re-started knitting. With two small kids I don't have lots of time to knit so it's usually a half hour watching tv in the evening.

I met up with friends for a girls day recently, we had tea and sat around and chatted.

I brought my knitting with me and asked if they minded if I knitted while we chatted and they said not at all, go for it.

I mentioned it in passing to my mother who'd be a very good knitter. And she nearly died at the rudeness of me knitting while chatting. She couldn't believe I had done that and was horrified I was SO RUDE.

Was I? Is it a major faux pas??

I just thought as a busy person it was a good way to get a few rows in!

I knit and sew and would think it wasn't exactly rude, but it would certainly send a message that I was going to fill the time with them doing something else, rather than being an active part of the group.

@WeighDownOnMe fair enough. I do wonder if its maybe a generational issue? I realise I am speaking very generally here, but my mothers generation (born early 50s) seemed to be much more concerned about what people thought of them them than my own generation (born early 80s) and not conforming to social norms was seen as shockingly rude. @FourStringsNoWaiting makes a good point about multitasking, most of us do it in some form or another. I get anxious socially even with my friends so often I'm cuddling a pet or using a fidget toy when I'm with them. However I try to make sure I'm giving them all I can, as it were. But that's me, if someone finds it rude their feelings are valid too. I would hope that if my friends felt I was being rude to them that they would tell me so I'm aware and can adjust my behaviour accordingly.

It's traditional for women to craft and chat, especially in some communities, where they would be earning money from their work.

Irrelevant point! This was NOT a craft group with everyone knitting or earning a living from it though!!!

I'm a knitter and would never do this tbh unless it was a very casual meet up with friends I see very regularly

On her own time? Do you pay your friends to keep you company?

I dunno, I was born in 89 and I think it's rude to be so very obviously dividing your attention when you're with a friend.

I would find it a little rude. Yes, there are many groups where people chat and knit/ crochet/ cross stitch, and that’s great, but I think it’s a bit different in this situation. I crochet/ cross stitch and personally wouldn’t do these in a social situation outside of the ones where the purpose is to craft while chatting.

I am not a great knitter so it would be no good for me. I see it as a bit similar as having a child present, it's not ideal but if it's the only way to meet up, fine. Or if it's in a big group, also fine, but you must have to keep looking down/checking stuff occasionally and that would disrupt the flow of a smaller chat with a couple of people, I would think.

I'm another one who benefits hugely from having something to keep my hands occupied. There are those who don't understand that you've got much more of my attention if I'm sewing or knitting or something than if I'm just sitting there. Haven't got any projects on the go lately but this is a reminder to me that it might be useful to get something out.

If you met at a coffee shop/restaurant people can eat and at the same time talk/listen to their friends surely that's no different to doing a non - complicated craft.

But people meet at a care to eat and drink as a shared experience with another person.

Bringing your own hobby is taking that shared experience away, even a little. You wouldn't get out an airfix model and paint would you, or pick up a book, or start tuning your guitar.

I'm confused as to why knitting is getting a free pass.

@Needmorelego exactly. I can see if someone is a novice knitter or doing something especially complicated it could be a problem as their attention would be very much divided. I don't myself crochet or knit but when I've been with friends who do they barely drop a stitch, its effortless to them. I'm a bit jealous as I have tried to learn BOTH but really struggled.

@KnittingKnewbie your mum said it was rude, but your friend hasn't told you she finds it rude. Maybe ask her?

@WeighDownOnMe I think books are different, same as being on your device, those things DO require your full attention, pretty much. I would agree reading or browsing the internet whilst with a friend (unless you are looking something up pertaining to the conversation) is the height of rudeness.

@WeighDownOnMe I have been known to build Lego while in a cafe with friends/relatives 😂
To be honest I think if someone wants to meet and chat at a cafe/restaurant the purpose having the food is giving you something to "do" while talking.
It's also why a lot of people go on a long walk in order to have a serious talk - you need to feel like you are "doing" something.

Not at all.

I'm confused as to why knitting is getting a free pass.
Because it doesn't take up space on a table or make a noise (my needles are wood they don't clack) and it doesn't stop me giving attention to others. I said if i needed to concentrate then i wouldn't do it, because i would make mistakes. I don't even have to look down what I'm doing.
My friends like and encourage my knitting , but then we have been friends for 20 years and know each other well.

Your friends must be lovely @bruffin it would annoy the shit out of me!

All the knitters I know are red hot and multi task! Not an issue at all 🧶🧶

I’d find it rude if I’d arranged to meet up with you. It definitely gives the message that the company you are with isn’t enough and you need something else to do.

Good grief.

It is a chat with friends, not an audience with the Queen.

Unless it is a topic that needs 100 percent focus, then go knitting, im sure as an adult you can react to the situation and stop when needed.

And with the earlier argument that it’s like eating food in the cafe it going for a walk - no it’s not! It’s a solitary activity excluding the company you are with!

I grew up with people knitting and crocheting around me whenever they had a chance to sit down, and never gave it a thought until one time I was on a coach trip on holiday and a woman sitting opposite asked me to stop knitting because my hand movements were making her feel physically sick. (I did put my knitting away, of course.) Like some previous posters, I concentrate better if my hands are occupied and I often regret that it's not socially acceptable to knit in lectures or at concerts.

@Beanie567 but if you arrange to meet at a cafe the eating/drinking part of it is something to "do". That's how I see it. I never get together with friends or family and literally just talk to each other. We would be eating, drinking, walking or doing something multi -tasking like knitting.
(This is of course just when it's a friendly casual get together - it would be different if it's a serious conversation about a medical issue or something. But I wouldn't arrange to have a conversation about something like that in a cafe or similar)

I often regret that it's not socially acceptable to knit in lectures or at concerts. I have crocheted at lectures and in large meetings. Think knitting is more tricky due to the noise.

@Needmorelego walking, eating etc is a JOINT activity. Knitting is SOLITARY. It’s excluding the other non-knitters. Totally different to a Knit and Natter group where you all have the same activity and all share an interest in it.