Please help

[lucynicky]

Hi there everyone,

It is my first time here and I decided to spill out my emotions here after I spent the day reading many of your threads and I was amazed at how you help each other.
I turned 25 2 days ago and on the same day I found out I was pregnant. I can't really describe what I felt or feeling right now, I am am not a maternal person, I never had any real desire to have children, even in the future- my mum says it's just hormonal and one day i'll want some. anyway, this is definitely not the time for me.... after 2 years (after graduating) of countless unpaid internships, bar work just to get by, and general struggling I finally managed to get a junior position in what I've studied- still on minimum wage but i feel so privileged considering the state of affairs of everything! I got my own flat, in one word everything is starting to come together, me and by boyfriend of 2 and half years started to make plans to save up money and go see the world together...and now this. Let me specify that I have been in whirlwind of unluckiness with contraception, I was on the pill but they took me off it because of my migraines- doc told me that hormones for me could increase stroke risk in the future so I should stay clear of them tried the coil and I was in so much pain for 2 weeks in a row that I had to take it off, finally tried the diaphram, which I though was perfect for me...but obviously it didn't work very well!!!!
I am so sorry if I'm boring you with all this, I just...I need to talk about it all I am really sorry.
I know I cannot, cannot go through with this pregnancy- I don't want to have a child, I have no money, but most of all I just do not want to be a mother right now. maybe one day i will, i don't know. but now, i don't.
I am going for a scan tomorrow to find out how far I am- cannot be more than 5 weeks, is not less. after that, i will have a termination.
I dont think it has sunk into me yet. i feel kind of numb, i am very distracted, i nealy got run over twice today cause i crossed the road without even noticing it. I have not told my boyfriend, and i don't know what to do about it. I am split in two over this. we love each other dearly and I know he would support me with my decision, and that it is what he would want as well. he is also very, very sensitive, he has suffered from depression and I am afraid this would send him in a emotional black hole. I have seen it happening in the past,I was there for him and I know how bad it can get. But i am the strongest of the two, and sometimes i think that i should cope with this alone. I think i'd prefer it that way. plus, maybe this is very selfish, but i am also so afraid of what this might do to us as a couple. we're young, and i want us to be happy and carefree together. is it going to daunt on us forever? i rather it daunt on me only. but then i think that i couldnt live without telling him.
i am so so confused. I know you are all mothers here, so please don't judge me. I need some advice, or just some words, it would help so much.
I wrote an essay!
thank you for reading. lucy

Lucy well done for posting!I can't speak for others but I don't judge you at all. A big well done on how far you've come in life. One thing I would recommend though is to tell your partner, it could destroy you in the future if you don't. Good luck x

Hi, thank you so much for getting back to me- yes I am very, very genuine, if I sound very confused it's because I am. if there something very unclear in what i said, i'll be very happy to clarify..i'm sorry maybe you're right. I was desperately searching for somewhere to speak about this and I cam across this site. but maybe I shouldn't have written here. i apologize to anyone I might offend with my post.
lucy

I would get this deleted...post again in 'antenatal choices'. Having this thread in the miscarriage section is very insensitive IMO.

Lucy I didn't even notice what section you'd posted under, I always look at unanwsered threads & saw yours. It is the least of your worries how you posted, what's more important is that you have aproblem which you need help with

i apologize again. i dont know how to delete it. i choose the wrong website, sorry, as i said i'm confused. if anyone knows how i shall delete this, please tell me or do it for me, thank you and apologies

Lucy, you didn't choose a wrong website, just the wrong section on this website! Re-post on the 'antenatal choices'- it's under 'pregnancy'.
I had a termination few months ago and have found lots of support on there!

Lucy, I used Mary Stopes last week they offer councelling aswell. Much quicker and better than the Nhs where councilling was never mentioned. Maybe talk to a councillor first with your bf?Good luck.

hi, good luck with your decision. you can only do what is right for you at the time, ie, right for you now. all the same, it is likely to be something that will live with you forever. i say that, not to scare you, but just to warn you. It is a crisis that i went through myself, many years ago. I don't think i had any idea how i would feel about it in the long run, but all the same, it was the right decision for me at the time. My relationship with my then partner did survive and we have now been married for some years, but it was not an easy time.
please do remove this message from the miscarriage section as soon as possible as it is distressing. most of us on here are desperate for babies and would give anything to be able to have healthy pregnancies....
you sound like a very sensible person and i'm sure you will get through this.

Hi thank you all for your replies, and once more i apologize for posting this in this section, i will get it deleted asap. i went for my scan this morning- i am just over 4 weeks and the doctor actually said there is nothing there yet, nothing has yet formed, as it's so early. it made me feel better, i think, if that's even possible. I have until saturday to reflect now.
well i will get this reported as some have you suggested and i will get it deleted. again, many thanks for your words.

lucy

hi i have sent a request to get it deleted. i hope it works. lucy

Hello.

We can see that this thread would be better in the Antenatal Choices topic. So we're going to move it there in a few moments.

lucynicky: we'd usually email you to let you know that we're doing this but we can see this is something you haven't discussed in real life, so we don't want to pop up in your inbox where others could maybe see it.

Hi Lucynicky,

I was in a similar situation to you when I was younger, I had been married not 2 years, and found a couple of days before my 24th birthday that I was pregnant. The pregnancy was not planned and my husband and I were not yet ready to be parents, we were both in low paying jobs and had just bought a house so financially we weren't in the best position either. We'd wanted to travel, do all the stuff that newlyweds do. I'd actually even had the morning after pill so the pregnancy was a huge surprise. I did a couple of home pregnancy tests which is how I found out, we were both terrified and unsure of what we would do. But while we were waiting for the blood test results to come back, we sat down, had quite a few discussions and really thought about it, because we too had considered abortion (this is even with my husband being catholic). But the more we talked about it, looked at our financial situation, and thought about it, the more we realised that for us, terminating the pregnancy was not an option. We had the baby and made ends meet, yes, we haven't done a huge amount of travelling, but that's something we've decided we would like to do with our children (no. 2 is on the way) when they are old enough to appreciate it.

I feel for you lucy, I really do because it is a tough situation to be in when you feel you can talk to your partner about it let alone when you feel you cant. My point is though, in this situation, from my point of view, I think talking to your boyfriend about it and getting some neutral counselling (as in non-religious) is something that you should seriously consider. As the other girls have pointed out, not talking to your partner, dealing with it on your own could end up destroying you, and rushing into a termination without some serious counselling and thought could see you regretting it for the rest of your life. You have to do what is right for you and your partner Lucy, but getting the bit of counselling, which ever path you chose, could help you make a decision that you wont end up regretting Hugs to you Lucy, I wish you all the best.