Not attending appointments

[Bubbletfizz92]

What would happen if I decided not to tell my GP or health care about pregnancy I mean how would they find out last time found them less than helpful, and slightly bullyish in tests to see if first child had downs etc the ones where there is a risk of miscarriage by sticking a great big needle through to say if your baby is less than perfect by their standards, atm going through secondary infertility and done first round clomid and trying for baby now but had to fight to get this far despite 5yrs of nagging and my current child turned 9 this month but honestly I don't drive and find it rude they assume you can by making appointments far away and I refuse to pay outrageous public transport prices so why should I turn up also find being prodded in stomach cringe am not slim built at all and I just want to be I'm control this time and not made to feel shite by being told your at risk for this or this it makes it soo much more stressful I'd rather go under radar till need to give birth...

I booked in late with DC3 as it was a surprise baby. I think past 12 ish weeks it can look bad on your records and be a bit of a flag for neglect if you don’t have midwife appointments, eg you are not looking after the health of your baby. I think it can trigger social services keeping at eye on you

It’s quite rare to have an amnio. Why assume you’d need one? Which you can refuse anyway. Also if you are overweight it can bring risks which they are only doing their jobs by making you aware of.

Even if you free birth your going to gave register your baby’s birth so they will find out you have a child. You don’t have to accept an medical appointments but refusing medical care will raise red flags.

Whilst I empathise with how you feel, I can’t help but feel you are doing yourself and your baby a disservice and in that sense, are being a little brisk and unreasonable. Those same doctors and nurses that you expect to be there to help keep you and baby as safe and well as possible while giving birth, should also be there during the pregnancy to ensure the same. There is no reason why you shouldn’t maintain a feeling of autonomy, but you have to work with the healthcare and social care system.

If you've tried so hard for a child why on earth would any mother not attend antenatal appointments. No one is forced to have an amniocintisis btw.

So if I turn up to some but not all would that suffice? I just feel soo cross at the whole system they didn't care about me trying to get pregnant so why should I let them help me? Also had a male health visitor one point afterwards less than impressed with that didn't feel listened to at all but maybe things have changes in last 9yrs I definitely do not neglect my child just if already had one do I really need the same info again? Sorry feeling very grumpy and had traumatising birth last time and want one more but worried about stuff and not convinced clomid will work...

It will trigger social services as you are failing to engage with health care for your unborn child.

why wouldn’t you want to be checked for things like pre-eclampsia, hypertension and gestational diabetes?

Surely you can decline the tests?
My last baby was quite a long time ago but I declined all the prenatal tests but went to the clinic for measurements and checks.

There are better ways to rail at the system. Ones that don’t put the health of your unborn child at risk.

From memory the amino isn't offered to all and you can decline it.

HVs are optional and you will likely barely see them due to funding cuts.

Ante natal care can be lifesaving.

It's always your choice but declining all antenatal care is not advisable for either the health of you or your baby.

The best thing to do is attend appointments but ask for as much detail as possible about any tests or treatment so you can make an informed decision about whether you wish to have them.

Which appointments would you choose not to go to? Which ones do you think aren’t important for your and your child’s health?

Your right am just having a rant and feeling cross not yet pregnant and doubtful I will be they said clomid worked but still feel I won't conceive been begging partner to try do at right times and too tired despite attendance of fertility appointments with me and just genuinely feeling angry and cross and remembering the gp last time I went to say I was pregnant his reaction was whatever what do you want me to do about it so this time feeling well what's the point they clearly don't care....

This sounds good I hope I am lucky I wouldn't want to hurt but I really hate physical examination I find it too much I hate being touched by strangers I get funny with partner or daughter at wrong times and pretty sure am neurodivergent...

I would tell them about it but explain at your booking appointment you don't want all the help offered because you don't feel comfortable. Eg you'll attend midwife apts but not scans or smt

If you don’t want any appointments then what people usually do is notify the head of midwifery of their pregnancy and if their intention to opt out of antenatal care. You then can’t be accused of concealing your pregnancy (safeguarding red flag) and will be able to access help and support if you want it.

https://www.aims.org.uk/information/item/freebirth

Though your trust may have different models of care. Lots of people have midwife appointments at their GP surgery or I had all of my midwife appointments as home because I was under the Homebirth team. They might have a service that works for you and addresses your concerns.

In most areas GPs don’t have anything to do with pregnancy as you self refer to midwifery service so they don’t do anything.

It sounds like your a few steps a head of yourself. Deal with the issues in front of you first.

Yes I think this is the better course OP. You should do all the less invasive one egs the face to face midwife appointments (blood pressure urine checks). You can decline testing eg for Down’s syndrome. You can decline additional scans I think.

I asked if I could decline a glucose test for diabetes as the only factor I have is my dad has type 2. I am a slim person and have had 2 babies already. I asked if it would go against me and told this was fine to decline. But I understand if you decline regular midwife checks this is seen as denying the baby its health checks. It’s just not worth it, I would go to your appointments

Go for it. They can't make you attend.

Of course you could.die from an eclampsia fit or have a stillbirth that was entirely preventable with proper care.

But yeah, just do your own thing. Very sensible.

Your post is just one big juxtaposition. You're desperately trying for a baby and yet if you do manage to conceive you're going to opt out of all the subsequent processes that give you the best chance of a successful outcome. Mostly because you don't like the inconvenience of attending appointments. Anything recommended will be for good reason, they don't put people through an amnio for fun. Honestly struggling to understand your point here. I'd reframe it in your head if you can to think that opting in for antenatal care is the best thing you can do for the baby you are apparently desperate for.

It should be what is best for your baby not about you

From what it sounds like you had your previous child 9 years ago and things would have changed since then.

You can decline screening tests for instance, and those are usually the ones indicative of needing things like amnio. Even now, the pathway suggests non invasive testing first (an example of how things have changed).

If you don't mind sharing, how long have you been trying to conceive for?

Sorry I just re-read 5 years. When you say they haven't been helpful - could you go in to a bit of detail?

So you long for a second baby but you won't take control of your - or their - health. Really sensible.

There are countless things that can go wrong for a mother and baby in pregnancy, many of which can be safely managed by engaging with antenatal care. Having a bad experience in the past is awful, but not an excuse to disengage with care in a future pregnancy.

Instead, be proactive about it. Contact Midwives early and arrange to meet. Discuss all of your concerns, access birth reflections, think about mental health team referral if you think it might help with your neurodivergance. Make it clear what things upset you last time and talk through a way to navigate your care safely in a way that makes you feel supported, and is also feasible for your care team. No point giving up on the health service and potentially putting yourself and your baby at risk, when a much better approach is to openly discuss your concerns and come up with solutions!

You're voicing an awful lot of concerns here without actually being pregnant yet. So I think birth Reflections before you even conceive could be a good idea. It might take some of the stress out of the early stages of a new pregnancy if you can deal with some of your issues from the last time. Stress and worry does not help with conceiving.