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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Screening high risk

82 replies

Mum2boys12 · 01/05/2021 12:09

Hi

I am 12 weeks 4 days pregnant.
I had the usual scan at 12 weeks and opted for the screening.
My results came back high and i am so so worried/anxious.
So they have gave the baby a 1.1 chance of having down syndrome.
I didnt ask on the phone what had had this result as i checked babys NT and it was 2.8 as far as im aware this is normal?
Can only think its something in my bloods?

We are having a harmony test tuesday so we can be prepared. Has anyome had a high risk result and a low risk resukt through the harmony test?

Im so anxious i feel so ill.
Im 33 and have two healthy children.

Thank you.

OP posts:
NonBinaryNumbers · 16/05/2021 06:37

Hi OP, Iam so sorry you are going through this awful experience. Your distress is palpable from your posts.
I had a termination last year at 15 weeks for trisomy 18 (my baby would have died during the pregnancy or within hours after birth, she had a very severe heart defect). It was the worst time of my life.
I was given 3 tablets which stop the progesterone from the placenta working, so your body can prepare for birth. I spent the next 2 days at home. I was then given 2 tablets in the labour ward to start contractions. This was my third pregnancy (I had had 2 vaginal deliveries before, 2healthy boys) and I delivered my baby 3 hours later, having not felt any pain or contractions at all. We could hold her for as long as we wanted and take pictures. The midwife took 2 pictures for us to keep as well.
I have a little memory box with the pictures and a sample of the material we used to have a little blanket made for our daughter to be cremated in.
I am happy to answer any other questions you might have.
I am so sorry you are going through this, it's so so hard.

SarahD19 · 16/05/2021 07:02

@NonBinaryNumbers so sorry for your loss.

@Mum2boys12 what I think is important to say is that compassionate induction and medical termination are both valid choices.

I remember initially feeling completely overwhelmed at the thought of giving birth to a baby that would not live. Medical/surgical termination may be an option if that prospect seems overwhelming to you too. However there can be logistical challenges in terms of travel and wait times (particularly with further gestational stage) if you choose surgical. However I remember at first strongly thinking “I want to wake up and this all be over”. In that respect that option had its appeal.

When I thought about the options however, I ultimately decided that if I went down the termination route I would want the compassionate induction. Most hospitals have memory boxes and options for funeral/goodbye services - as well as a Stillbirth and Neonatal Death (SANDS) support service too. Hence I felt the emotional support would be much greater - and a sense of my baby being acknowledged/cared for. Also as I’d already given birth previously, I was advised the birth would probably be more straightforward with compassionate induction.

There is no “right” choice. Only what is right for you as a family. We didn’t end up going down this route in the end, but we did consider it very deeply.

It is a deeply traumatic time going through this process. Even entertaining these decisions, let alone living them. Sending love and strength xx

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 16/05/2021 07:12

Thank you ladies

I dont think i could go down the surgical route abd you described literally how i feel sarah, i actually couldn't have put it better myself.

With 2x children i have i had both c sections due to pre eclampsia and the second he pooped inside and i didnt go into "established labour" so it really worries me that i won't get the chance to say goodbye and that i am so so sorry. Ill be letting a baloon off every nov 9th (due date)
This baby won't ever be forgotten. I just want this torture over. I want to be able to heal and forgive myself.. If ever.
Thank you for your replies. Its a horrible subject but one i need to face. I have come of social media so nobody's asking questions i need the head space. So thankful i found this group x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 16/05/2021 07:14

@NonBinaryNumbers

Thank you for sharing such a personal time with me. I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot help i know but youve helped me feel less alone.
Thank you xx

OP posts:
mamamalt · 16/05/2021 07:43

I felt the exact same and had decided that we would not continue with the pregnancy and it being our third, we would not try again for another so I understand how you are feeling.
I personally could not go thorough labour for a child I had decided was not going to live so I would have booked into BPAS for a medical termination. I also was put forward in dates at my 12 week scan so by the time I got any answers I was nearly 17 weeks so definitely would have found birth too traumatic. I felt that I didn't want to see the baby but I was struggling with that choice and if it had actually come to be I'm not sure I would have stuck to that one.
But the idea of a quicker stay in the clinic and home to recover appealled to be as like you I just wanted my children and my home to heal and move on.
Since you have had sections previously this might change what they recommend to you so I would call ARC or the hospital and get someone to talk to you about choices.
I'm am so so sorry you are going through this. Absolutely you should feel all the self pity and fear and sadness. Don't try to stop thise feelings or feel bad for them. You have also been through the most awful stressful time leading up to this so mental you must feel like there's not much more you can take. I know I did.
I really hope you're ok

SarahD19 · 16/05/2021 07:55

I also think it is important to stress that your feelings and circumstances can change so rapidly. I was entering final trimester before we were getting “answers” so to speak - after previously having been given very mixed results and told to expect baby to not survive due to Trisomy 18 (the phrase “incompatible with life” was used a lot).

If anyone would have asked me to predict how I would’ve responded in those months even until the birth - or even the spectrum of responses from different extremes, I would have not predicted my responses. Looking back now it seems completely surreal. I find it astonishing that despite all that we now have a completely healthy baby with no recognisable problems at all! I know not everyone is lucky enough to have that conclusion but it does go to show how different everyone’s circumstances can be - and that ultimately going with my instincts paid off in the end.

NonBinaryNumbers · 16/05/2021 08:04

Letting off a balloon is a lovely idea OP. You will never forget your baby, he or she was just as much yours as your two boys.

I hope you have some support in RL as well OP. I did a lot of writing and reading online when I was going through the termination and while it was helpful, what helped me most was talking to my best friend about it.

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 16/05/2021 10:03

Thank you ladies for sharing your different experiences with me and for being so understanding towards my feelings and emotions.
I dont really want to talk to many people ib real life about it. I feel i will be judged alot and spoken badly about. Yes i understand peoples feelings as much as i understand my own but i cant face the harsh words or criticism just yet. I dont feel strong enough at all to answer any questions or defend my choice of why i dont want to bring a disabled child into not only our life but this world. The ignorant world we will in. Now i feel like a hypocrit writting that last line 😢
I an poorly educated on terminations so i am unsure of the ways and means but feel i need to say im sorry and that i love them but then i wonder what that might do to me mentally. I then think i cant not say sorry 😢 i would regret it for the resr of my life. I dont want tomorrow to come. Its reality hitting me in the face but i guess ill have more knowledge on the next step.
Thank you again x

OP posts:
Mummy2O · 16/05/2021 10:34

@mum2boys12 I hope your amniocentesis goes well tomorrow. This is such a scary and stressful time. I will be thinking of you.

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 16/05/2021 11:13

Thank you 💔❤️💔❤️

OP posts:
jorisbonsonstoupe · 16/05/2021 22:03

@Mum2boys12 I have an amnio in Friday after being given a 1 in 2 chance ...thinking if you. I do understand x

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 17/05/2021 06:40

@jorisbonsonstoupe
Thank you 😢
I will be thinking of all you ladies on my journey x

OP posts:
ginandgingers92 · 17/05/2021 19:38

Hi @Mum2boys12 I really hope today went as well as it could. I had Amnio back in 2019 after my 20 week scan raised some concerns with my daughter. I had the procedure on the Monday afternoon and the first set of results back by Weds afternoon, I really hope you have the same, and I will be thinking of you and hoping for the very very best. Go slowly and be gentle on yourself for the next few days, if you can xx

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 17/05/2021 19:50

Hi ladies

So the amnio went well. It was uncomfortable but not painful as you probably know.
My results will be in wednesday but we already know the answer.
They spoke about booking me in the serenity suite and being induced.
I feel numb.
We saw baby on the screen, we chose too.
Its funny how perfect they seemed. They never said anything about the scan.
I sat in a room with my partner afterwards and just broke.
I cnt fault the medical team they was very understanding and compassionate.
Im dreading the phone call Wednesday as i know then its set in stone and what's then to come.
I am so sorry if anyone is going through the same. I dont know if i will ever move on from this but just know your not alone.
Too the ladies on this thread, thank you deeply for listening to a stranger and being so compassionate towards my feelings. Ill nevee forget you.
Infact i mentioned it today... How id spoken to a few ladies online i didnt know but they have helped me just by listening and encouraging my feelings to be heard, when i dont want to admitt them.

OP posts:
NiceTwin · 17/05/2021 20:32

Glad it went okay.
I had one with my second dd as she came back as a 1:80 chance of DS.
Thankfully all came back okay.

You say you know the outcome already, did they see something today to give you a diagnosis?

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 17/05/2021 20:47

Hi @NiceTwin

When they did the scan they never mentioned anything at all.
They checked baby over but she didnt comment on anything or seem to ponder over anything.
Maybe i should have asked.
The reason i believe its true is i have had 2x test now. I had the screening which everyone has which came back 1 in 91 for one of the trisomys.
I then paid private and the NIPT also came back as high risk so something is definitely going on 😭
Im mentally preparing myself as much as i can.

OP posts:
NiceTwin · 17/05/2021 21:26

@Mum2boys12, I think it's a coping strategy isn't it? Expect the worst and try and prepare for it happening.
Wednesday will soon be here and you will know one way or the other, the waiting is tortuous.

Mummy2O · 17/05/2021 22:21

@mum2boys12 Sending you lots of love.

ginandgingers92 · 19/05/2021 12:53

Thinking of you @Mum2boys12

jorisbonsonstoupe · 19/05/2021 13:23

Holding your hand @Mum2boys12 x

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 19/05/2021 13:56

Not good news guys. We knew though didnt we 😭💔

Thank you for your support x

OP posts:
jorisbonsonstoupe · 19/05/2021 14:35

I'm so sorry to hear this SadSadSad

ginandgingers92 · 19/05/2021 14:45

@Mum2boys12 I'm so so sorry. Whatever decision you make, just know none of this is your 'fault' and allow yourself the time to grieve for what was/ what could have been.
Thinking of you

Original poster
Mum2boys12 · 19/05/2021 14:53

Thank you 💔😭💔😭

OP posts:
NonBinaryNumbers · 19/05/2021 15:53

I am so sorry OP. The next weeks are going to be very tough, what you are going through unleashes all sorts of sad emotions. But you will also discover that you are much stronger than you thought.
Remember that while you will feel guilty, none of this is your fault, you were just very unlucky. If you need to talk you can always come back to this thread xx