2 terminations due to foetal abnormalities

[BeccaAnnJones]

I’ve not written a thread before but I’m really hoping for responses from people whi have gone theough what I’m going though; for peace of mind that I’m not alone, if anything.

I’m 29 years old and last November (2017) I had a medical termination due to spina biffida at the back of the skull / top of spine, causing the brain to really form abnormally. It was horrific. I had taken 5mg folic acid for the first 3 months of the pregnancy as I’m over the desired weight of pregnant mums.

We started trying again in December and fell pregnant mid January 2018.

This pregnancy seemed to go really well- no PGP (which kicked in at 17 weeks last time!). I felt baby move from 16 weeks and by the 20 week scan (at 19 weeks 5 days) I looked extremely pregnant and could feel so many movements which we were so excited about.

At the scan the sonographer said it was difficult to measure baby as he was moving so much. So we went for a walk and when we returned there were two sonographers mumbling at the screen for what felt like an eternity. They finished and we then heard the dreaded words ‘we’re nit happy with a couple of things, including baby’s head’. I was inconsolable, these were the exact words we heard pst time. Then, in walked our consultant from the last pregnancy and it was like a shot to the heart.

He looked at the screen and took us into the same dreaded room and delivered the bad news to us. The left brain ventricle was severely enlarged and the right ventricle, slightly less so; and one kidney looked completely abnormal too. He explained that we could continue but the likelihood of the baby having severe learning difficulties was very very high. I feel so guilty for deciding to go ahead with the termination but I don’t want to knowingly bring a baby into the world if their lives will be limited so much.

I’ll be taking the first tablets tomorrow (may 29) at 11am and will probably be sent to hospital on Thursday to begin the process.

We’re heartbroken and totally numb that this has happened a second time and is totally ‘unreleated and just random’ according to the consultant.

We didn’t have thhe last baby checked for genetic defects as it was obvious that it was soina biffida, but we’ll donit with our baby boy. My husband and I will also ask for testing.

Has anyone been through medical termination twice? We don’t have any other children and we want one so badly, it hurts.

Any support would be welcomed right now as I’m totally lost

Thank
Bec xxx

Sending lots of love to you and your DH

Thank you ❤️

I have no experience of this but I feel heartbroken for you. To have to go through this twice in and in such quick succession, well I can’t imagine what you are going through.

I hope so much that you will one day get hold your baby that you carried to term and that all is well. I won’t see get to be a mother, because my lovely you are already one.

So sorry for your loss.
Sending you love and strength for the coming days and months
💐❤️

Thank you @eatmycheese what a beautiful message ❤️

Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you had to go through this twice. I've been unlucky enough to have experienced something a bit similar once. And that was hell. I use the word unlucky because that is what it is. Its luck. We did go onto have a lovely family, although that seemed like such a distant impossible dream at the time so there is hope. Please be kind to yourselves and allow yourselves the time and space to grieve. Thinking of you all. Xxxx

@tutu112 thank you so much ❤️. We’re so scared to conceive again, we’re going to wait a few months and hopefully we’ll have a similar outcome to yours. Thanks so much for sharing it really helps xxx

So glad it helped even a tiny little bit. Be kind to yourselves. Xxxx

Ah Becca

What a beautiful name - I'm so glad this part is over for you.

Being scared is a totally natural response - please be very kind to yourselves and keep in touch with Sands.

I'm so sorry

EatMyCheese you are an angel

x

Thanks @trooperslane2 ❤️

I am so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to you.

I have read many, many posts across boards over the last 7 weeks but never posted. 5 weeks ago we made the decision to end our pregnancy after a similar experience. We also chose to have an amnio and were told that there was a chromosomal issue that had presented in a very uncommon (but not unheard of) way, with a significant chance of other serious complications. We talked endlessly about all pathways, the support available (or not), the impact on her, and us.

It's so tough. I hope you're both taking care and being gentle with yourselves x

hi bec

i have undergone this once and once was enough - im so sorry your are experiencing this heart ache twice.

i see you have found ARC - they really helped me and there is a forum that is only for mums who have tfmr.

xxx

Thank you so much @kittyanon and I really hope you’re doing ok, I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through too. We have 3 months to wait until we get our post-mortem results back. Just so so tough.

@heachybed thanks so much for your kind words and I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through a medical termination too. It’s just horrid. Thanks for your words

Bec ❤️❤️❤️

This really is devastating to hear my lovely. In May I also had a termination medically of my first baby due to finding out at the first scan the baby had acrania a problem with the skull forming correctly it’s the most devastating news I have ever had it literally pulled the rug from under me it was not a condition I had ever heard of certainly not one I was considering , my whole world crumbled and since I have found very little support and or understanding so all i can say is I have been there my love and the fear of a second diagnosis is terrifying and due to the nature of the problems no one seems to know what to say or do my friends have disappeared I feel very isolated along with it I have many family members unwell
So I didn’t even gain family support
I am sending you my love and all my hope for the future.
You are not alone my sweet xxx

@parkels87 I am so so sorry that you’ve gone through this and have not had support from your nearest and dearest. The first time around for me, was exactly the same.
Within two weeks, my friends would avoid talking to me and wouldn’t understand that I wasn’t just ‘over it’. My best friend announced she was 12 weeks pregnant a month after we had baby, Gwawr in November and that was so difficult. No one asked me how I was after that point and would literally talk to me about how excited they were for her. It was infuriating. I resented them so much. Happy for my friend but the level of which my other friends spoke to me about her pregnancy was unbearable, one friend in particular was horrendous. I spoke to her one day and told her how I felt and her response was ‘but we have to be excited for Rachel, she deserves that’. Of course I agreed but I just told her that her excitement just had to be toned down around me, if she cared for me as much as Rachel. It helped but in January I told my friends that I needed a month away from them on What’s App etc. I couldn’t cope and Rachel deserved the excitement of being pregnant without worrying about my feelings. I fell pregnant again early Feb and kept the pregnancy secret until the 5month scan, when we received the devastating news. Been a rubbish year but I’ve started a new job, going on a break from making babies, waiting on post mortem results and may need genetic testing as this has happened twice in a row. That frightens me so much but it’s just a cruel waiting game.

Sorry for giving you a huge message of my experience, I just want to let you know that I had huge difficulty too. There’s nothing more isolating. The second time around Intold all my friends to not ignore me as it makes the whole situation worse, they’ve been much better this time.

Sending you all my love and strength for the future ❤️