termination at 16 weeks

[user1455661447]

Hi, I have been told today after receiving my harmony test results, that my baby has down syndrome. I will be having an amnio test tomorrow but they are 99% certain. It is a terrible shock and my husband and I are devastated. I am 32 and this is our first pregnancy. We have discussed it all night, and have both decided to terminate the pregnancy is the right choice for us. However I am extremely frightened about the process, as I am 16 weeks pregnant. Has anyone been through this in the UK at this stage of a pregnancy? How did your body recover afterwards? How soon can we start trying again? Any insights would be appreciated. I'm feeling so sad and alone, and we have agreed we will not tell people what has happened and in fact very few people even know I'm pregnant so I have no one to talk to.

Whitraj, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this... I had a surgical termination following the amnio results confirming T21 (literally last week), at 16 weeks pregnancy. The surgery went well, I had very minor bleeding and period-like cramping for about 24 hrs and some spotting. Physically and emotionally it was probably right for me, i just could not bear to see the baby. One week on, and it is still an emotional 'rollercoaster' for me - initially, I had some sense of relief, I was emotionally exhausted after two weeks of waiting for NIPT and then amnio results, and finally it felt like it's all behind me now and I can move on. And then a few days later I get this sudden burst of sadness - from seeing other mums with babies, from having to call and cancel my 20 week scan and any other reminders that trigger the thought that I will not have a baby in a few months time. I am back to work, and this helps me a lot to detach from these emotions and go back into the routine, also taking care of my family and doing all the regular things around the house helps as well. If this helps at all, feel free to send me a message.

Hi all. We have had 99% positive harmony screen for ds. Amino booked for Thursday to confirm. After several days considering, my oh and I are probably going to look at surgical termination if confirmed. It is utterly heart breaking but feels the best decision for us. Reading this post has been so helpful, and I wonder if we can support each other further as time goes on?
I know there will be tough times ahead but wish you all the best in recovery x

Hi gardengirl33 I'm sorry that you find yourself here. I have found a lot of support on the baby centre community forums. Chrysalis2017 is also lovely and has also been through a tough time. Xx

Thanks Whitraj, I'll take a look. Went for big walk by the sea today to talk more about how to tell friends and family as think the amnio will just confirm what we pretty much know. A fresh breeze helped clear our minds but I think we'll be needing more of those in the next few weeks and months. Hope you're doing ok?

I am doing ok at the moment thank you. I have had up days and down days but can't I feel I can't fully move forward until we have had our follow up with the consultant in the next few weeks. I feel like I'm still going waiting for further sad news. It's tough telling people, I have told a handful of friends and my immediate family. It's such a shock isn't it xx

Gardengirl33, so sorry to hear you are going through this, the waiting time has been the worst for us, with a flickering light of hope that maybe the amnio will come back with a different result. It's now been almost 3 weeks since the termination and it does get easier with time. Recovery was fairly quick after the surgery, and I was back to work after 2 days (I did work from home initially though, more so because i was still too emotional about it and could burst into tears very easily). As life slowly takes over (with work, family life, making plans for holidays etc), the pain starts to slowly subside inside. I hope that all goes well for your family and you recover quickly. Do feel free to message me any time. Also, as many have said before on this post, ARC are great to talk to and very supportive, I did speak to them before I went for the surgical termination and it was really helpful to have someone to talk to who has seen many families go through this experience.

A Terrible shock yes. The waiting is awful, and time for consideration of what to do next quite short. My partner contacted ARC and they sent some pdfs by email which may help with how to tell others. They offer help on the phone too. We have spent the weekend sorting through our minds and are going to write it all down, our reasons and thoughts. I think we may have to refer back to this in future as I am sure we will question our choice. I am 15 weeks, amnio on Thursday to confirm (we couldn't terminate without full confirmation) and then will look to get procedure done asap. We decided we do not want a Labour so surgical best. It may sound heartless to some but we feel the less attachment the better for us personally. We will grieve and mourn the loss of a pregnancy as we did after an early miscarriage last year. I worry I will feel movements in the next couple of weeks, as right now I don't feel terribly pregnant so it's easier to deal with. We are up and down too but together have made a decision and have discussed ways to look forward now. To make the best of what We have (each other and my son/partners step son) and be grateful for that. Keep in touch natraj if you want as we all have tough weeks ahead. X

Thank you Chyrsalis2017, I hope I can get through this. I am prepared for some time off certainly and will ask my amazing boss to gently let people know. I do think people should talk more about loss, but I don't want sad looks from people! A focus on the future and holidays is where our thoughts went today. We must look forwards not back after all. Thank you all for your understanding x wishing you all the best and yes may message to stay in touch x

Sorry for your losses.
I had a TFMR at 17 weeks back in 2003. It was a healthy baby but no fluid around him and his heart was failing.
Physically I got over it fairly quickly. I went 2 hrs from first pessary to delivering him but never saw him - couldn't handle it.
Emotionally it took much longer and I ended up having counselling.
The next pregnancy was mentally so hard.
Especially at the 17 week mark. But we made it- she's a teenager now.
I planted a rose in the garden in his memory and sometimes if the two girls are playing there it feels like they're all together.
Time makes it bearable.