termination at 16 weeks

[user1455661447]

Hi, I have been told today after receiving my harmony test results, that my baby has down syndrome. I will be having an amnio test tomorrow but they are 99% certain. It is a terrible shock and my husband and I are devastated. I am 32 and this is our first pregnancy. We have discussed it all night, and have both decided to terminate the pregnancy is the right choice for us. However I am extremely frightened about the process, as I am 16 weeks pregnant. Has anyone been through this in the UK at this stage of a pregnancy? How did your body recover afterwards? How soon can we start trying again? Any insights would be appreciated. I'm feeling so sad and alone, and we have agreed we will not tell people what has happened and in fact very few people even know I'm pregnant so I have no one to talk to.

[maggienolia]

Sorry for your losses.
I had a TFMR at 17 weeks back in 2003. It was a healthy baby but no fluid around him and his heart was failing.
Physically I got over it fairly quickly. I went 2 hrs from first pessary to delivering him but never saw him - couldn't handle it.
Emotionally it took much longer and I ended up having counselling.
The next pregnancy was mentally so hard.
Especially at the 17 week mark. But we made it- she's a teenager now.
I planted a rose in the garden in his memory and sometimes if the two girls are playing there it feels like they're all together.
Time makes it bearable.

[Gardengirl33]

Thank you Chyrsalis2017, I hope I can get through this. I am prepared for some time off certainly and will ask my amazing boss to gently let people know. I do think people should talk more about loss, but I don't want sad looks from people! A focus on the future and holidays is where our thoughts went today. We must look forwards not back after all. Thank you all for your understanding x wishing you all the best and yes may message to stay in touch x

[Gardengirl33]

A Terrible shock yes. The waiting is awful, and time for consideration of what to do next quite short. My partner contacted ARC and they sent some pdfs by email which may help with how to tell others. They offer help on the phone too. We have spent the weekend sorting through our minds and are going to write it all down, our reasons and thoughts. I think we may have to refer back to this in future as I am sure we will question our choice. I am 15 weeks, amnio on Thursday to confirm (we couldn't terminate without full confirmation) and then will look to get procedure done asap. We decided we do not want a Labour so surgical best. It may sound heartless to some but we feel the less attachment the better for us personally. We will grieve and mourn the loss of a pregnancy as we did after an early miscarriage last year. I worry I will feel movements in the next couple of weeks, as right now I don't feel terribly pregnant so it's easier to deal with. We are up and down too but together have made a decision and have discussed ways to look forward now. To make the best of what We have (each other and my son/partners step son) and be grateful for that. Keep in touch natraj if you want as we all have tough weeks ahead. X

[Chyrsalis2017]

Gardengirl33, so sorry to hear you are going through this, the waiting time has been the worst for us, with a flickering light of hope that maybe the amnio will come back with a different result. It's now been almost 3 weeks since the termination and it does get easier with time. Recovery was fairly quick after the surgery, and I was back to work after 2 days (I did work from home initially though, more so because i was still too emotional about it and could burst into tears very easily). As life slowly takes over (with work, family life, making plans for holidays etc), the pain starts to slowly subside inside. I hope that all goes well for your family and you recover quickly. Do feel free to message me any time. Also, as many have said before on this post, ARC are great to talk to and very supportive, I did speak to them before I went for the surgical termination and it was really helpful to have someone to talk to who has seen many families go through this experience.

[Whitraj]

I am doing ok at the moment thank you. I have had up days and down days but can't I feel I can't fully move forward until we have had our follow up with the consultant in the next few weeks. I feel like I'm still going waiting for further sad news. It's tough telling people, I have told a handful of friends and my immediate family. It's such a shock isn't it xx

[Gardengirl33]

Thanks Whitraj, I'll take a look. Went for big walk by the sea today to talk more about how to tell friends and family as think the amnio will just confirm what we pretty much know. A fresh breeze helped clear our minds but I think we'll be needing more of those in the next few weeks and months. Hope you're doing ok?

[Whitraj]

Hi gardengirl33 I'm sorry that you find yourself here. I have found a lot of support on the baby centre community forums. Chrysalis2017 is also lovely and has also been through a tough time. Xx

[Gardengirl33]

Hi all. We have had 99% positive harmony screen for ds. Amino booked for Thursday to confirm. After several days considering, my oh and I are probably going to look at surgical termination if confirmed. It is utterly heart breaking but feels the best decision for us. Reading this post has been so helpful, and I wonder if we can support each other further as time goes on?
I know there will be tough times ahead but wish you all the best in recovery x

[Chyrsalis2017]

Whitraj, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this... I had a surgical termination following the amnio results confirming T21 (literally last week), at 16 weeks pregnancy. The surgery went well, I had very minor bleeding and period-like cramping for about 24 hrs and some spotting. Physically and emotionally it was probably right for me, i just could not bear to see the baby. One week on, and it is still an emotional 'rollercoaster' for me - initially, I had some sense of relief, I was emotionally exhausted after two weeks of waiting for NIPT and then amnio results, and finally it felt like it's all behind me now and I can move on. And then a few days later I get this sudden burst of sadness - from seeing other mums with babies, from having to call and cancel my 20 week scan and any other reminders that trigger the thought that I will not have a baby in a few months time. I am back to work, and this helps me a lot to detach from these emotions and go back into the routine, also taking care of my family and doing all the regular things around the house helps as well. If this helps at all, feel free to send me a message.

[Whitraj]

Thank you x

[Whitraj]

Thank you for your honesty and your opinion. I am 13 + 6 and so a little less far gone. I am utterly devastated by my results but for our family a tfmr is the best for us. I asked the screening midwife and she also confirmed that cvs is 100% accurate. The sadness for me is the worst. 🌺

[Hopelessat30]

I'm going to answer honestly.

I had a termination at 17 weeks. It was only after the termination that I realised just how formed the foetus was.

For me personally it really isn't morally acceptable. I'm just being honest.

It's a horrible situation to be in but for me the abortion process caused long term mental health problems that will never leave me. it's just a little too advanced I feel.


Physically the abortion wasn't too bad. I was out to sleep so didn't feel anything and woke up with pain relief. Physically I was okay.

[BlahBlahBlahEtc]

I think they are 100%. You have my deepest sympathies

[Whitraj]

Hello I have just had a postive cvs result for downs and am devastated. The results are 100% accurate aren't they?

[BlahBlahBlahEtc]

I'm so sorry.

I had a termination at 14 weeks because of health reasons. It was a very much wanted pregnancy. Physically I was fine, I went through BPAS, I was under general anesthetic and felt totally fine the whole time, emotionally though, I've been a bit of a wreck, I've was self harming for a few weeks and have been generally depressed. It's been 3 months now and I'm feeling a lot better, I still hate what I did but I know I had no choice and I'm beginning to accept that.

I really hope you get through all this alright. My thoughts are with you.

[Chyrsalis2017]

Dear user1455661447, thank you for sharing your story and sharing your experience of the surgical termination. We found ourselves in a very similar situation, I am 33 and we have received the news (via harmony test and then confirmed through amnio) that our baby has DS. We have an older child, and having her and my husband in my life has been an immense support going through this. I spent a few days deliberating between medical and surgical termination, and eventually decided to go through the surgery after having met the surgeon earlier today. I am also going through this at 16 weeks, so the process should be similar to what you have experienced (I hope!). Never had any surgeries in the past, feeling scared and guilty, not sure what to expect tomorrow, your post has really helped me, thanks for sharing.

[batfish]

Hi user0798655788433 - thanks for sharing your story and for the update. We have just had the news that our baby has Down syndrome and after a heartbreaking couple of weeks in limbo where we have been discussing options whilst waiting for results we have come to the decision to terminate. I am 16 weeks today. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I am sure everything will be perfect for you this time and you will have your happy ending.

Sugarplum1234 everything crossed that you get the all clear from your tests. 1 in 10 is a 90% chance that everything will be fine, I really hope that is the case for you.

[user0798655788433]

Also I just wanted to add, that I was very fortunate to conceive again quite quickly afterwards, and am now in the final weeks of my third trimester, with what they believe is a low risk baby. After having been through the tests before, we were offered everything again. However, when the scans suggested we were low risk, we decided not to go through with them, as we wanted to try and enjoy the pregnancy this time. I just wanted to share this with you, as for the three months afterwards, it felt like all my friends were announcing their healthy pregnancies, and i found it so difficult. Whenever my husband and I tried to do something nice together, at some point I would inevitably break down again in tears, and started to feel like it would never happen for us. Obviously I knew it was irrational, but with all the hormones and grief, I just could not help feeling this way. Anyway, conceiving again has really helped me move on. But I talk about my first baby all the time and I will never ever forget about them or the experience. I really hope you and your partner get through this together, one day at a time. If I can help at all, then please do let me know.

[user0798655788433]

I'm so sorry for the slow response... I imagine you may have your results now from your harmony test? We actually had inconclusive results the first time, so had to wait another ten days I think before we received the conclusive news. The amino however was much quicker, just a few days. How are you feeling? Please do let me know if you have any questions at all x

[Sugarplum1234]

Hi User, your posts have been so helpful to me today. My combined test came back yesterday and I have a 1:10 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome. I'm having the harmony blood test/scan this evening and am dreading seeing my baby again because all I can think is the worst at the moment. Like you, my partner and I have made the decision that if the baby does have Down syndrome we will terminate the pregnancy. I'm 14 weeks today so guess I will be 16 weeks by the time I have the procedure, if the outcome of my Harmony test is positive for Down's. I've only had 24 hours to digest everything and have (against all advice) gone mad researching my blood results and what they could mean. I know there's no point guessing but I can't seem to focus on living my life normally, as I was up until I received the phone call with my results yesterday. I'm also waiting for an appointment for a CVS and guess whatever the result of the Harmony test I will want to have the diagnostic test to be sure. Can I ask how long you waited for the results of your Harmony test? I'm glad you had your supportive husband with you and that you're doing ok now. Like you, we won't tell anybody anything other than we suffered a miscarriage which I think will be one of the hardest parts of the whole awful process. Thanks again for your posts, they've really made me feel like life can go on.

[user1455661447]

I'm glad i was able to help. I actually think the fact you have been open with people, should help you come to terms with it much quicker. Only our family were aware I was pregnant so I've not been able to talk to anyone other than my husband and arc, and so I think bottling it all up has contributed to me feeling so lost. But I am starting to feel more positive again, so it does get easier. In terms of bpas I did not have to pay. I gave them my nhs number and I think that was all they needed as they are a charity. Please don't worry about your finances at a time like this. It sounds like you are handling this very well. You are very brave and I think you are right to be positive that you will get pregnant again. I will be thinking of you.

[user1455661447]

I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It is a month now since I lost my baby. Bpas were really kind when I had the procedure and did their best to reassure me that it was ok that we'd made this decision and encouraged me to focus on the thought that I can try again and go on to have a healthy family. I did not feel judged for my choice and the nurse in recovery was particularly kind. I kept crying every time I met a different member of staff and had to explain why I was there - and if I'm honest cried most of the day. But they were very sensitive to the fact I was clearly finding it difficult being there and going through with it. It was quite uncomfortable going through the dilation part of the process but the pain was not the cause of my tears. I found the whole thing very upsetting at the time as I'd never had an operation before so the it felt very alien to me being in an operating theatre and just so incredibly sad that this was how my pregnancy was going to end. But despite all of this going on in my head, the procedure was straightforward and over quickly. I then returned to a room for three hours to wait for my cervix to dilate. This part did hurt a bit but a couple of paracetamol really helped. I felt quite shivery for a bit but it passed and I was actually quite warm and flushed before they took me back down to theatre. I was 16 weeks so was asleep for the second part. The Anaesthetist was so kind and the nurse held my hand as I went to sleep as they knew I was frightened. When I came round they were holding my hand and could not have treated me any better. I was lucky my husband was so strong during the day and waited with me throughout. You will need your partner more than ever afterwards though. He drove me home and when we got there it was his turn to cry and mine to be the strong one. We chose not to tell anyone about the decision we had made, so we called our families to tell them we'd had a miscarriage. That was one of the hardest conversations we've had to have with our parents as we could not be entirely honest, as we knew they would not understand us terminating the pregnancy. I hope you do not have to do this, but just like the procedure itself, you will get through it if you do. I have found that it's true that time is a healer but it's the emptiness that I've had to come to terms with. I felt like I'd been so ill during my pregnancy and had put on all this weight for nothing. It just felt so unfair. I can't lie that I've totally moved on... But I went back to work after a couple of days and have tried to get on with things. I have been much more emotional than normal and very teary when I talk about it. But every day it gets easier and I laugh more. I hardly bled afterwards and was totally recovered physically after two weeks. It feels a bit like period pain which is something I'm very used to, so did not find the recovery part too bad. I hope you recover well too. I don't know if any of this is helpful but I guess I just wanted to be honest and reassure you that you are not alone and tell you what to expect. No matter how hard it feels, you will get through it. I miss my baby so much but I have no regrets about the termination. My husband and I are desperate to conceive again and started trying again as soon as my body recovered. I have not had a period yet but it feels better to at least try. Please do ask me any questions you might have and if you ever need anyone to talk to afterwards then I am here for you.

[KittyandTeal]

I don't have experience of a surgical termination but I'm pretty sure it's fairly safe (as safe as any routine op) and shouldn't result in any long term fertility issues.

You might find your cycles are a bit messed up afterwards but they generally are after a termination or late loss.

I'm glad you've managed to get an appointment for the option that suits you best.