Having a termination - so confused.

[plasticbox]

Hi, I am so sad and confused I really need some help.

I was in a long term abusive relationship, I was forced to have 2 terminations and eventually had a miscarriage and 2 children some years after. He always dictated my life but I know now I never loved him I just didnt know any better and was to scared to be alone as a result of his mind games.

Anyway many years later Im actually with a man I love,I mean truly love and he loves me back. He also has children from a previous relationship. We decided we wouldnt have children together as I had pre eclampsia and have a disability. He works and lives some distance from me and it would be impractical to live together due to our childrens schooling (gcse's). So we have always be ultra careful to use protection.

I found out I was pregnant a few days ago - I really dont want another child and after a pretty brief discussion I have an initial clinic app soon to book a termination.

My problem is I am already becoming accustom to my swelling belly and god I love this man so much the thought of getting rid of his baby makes me weep. Ive spent the day getting my head around what I am going to do and even though I know its the right thing Im so so so sad and I dont know how i am going to do it. I know its partly because of being forced to do it before, this is my first pregnancy where Im in love with the father truly madly deeply. Im also scared of the reaction I am going to get having had 2 terminations before. Im a wreck :(

Very glad you're feeling a bit better - and YAY for a good night's sleep! It can make all the difference.

I'm glad you got some sleep plastic.

Another sicky day - mostly just felt sick which is bearable just about! Thankfully next door invited us over for a BBQ so the kids were well fed whilst I hid in the living room away from the smell and went home to "get the uniforms ready" after 1/2 hour! My neighbour is lovely and could see I was knackered so offered to keep the children til bath and bedtime so I did my jobs and had a sleep.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better I have so much to do.

I am glad your neighbour has been helping you out :)

Hope you feel better today x I have lots to do too, the house will be a laundry this morning!

Well my blood pressure is way up, I have to have it checked again tomorrow.

I have not spoken to Dp so have decided he is now Ex, I cannot believe I am left to deal with this alone. But on the plus side I have stopped constantly being sick, its now just first thing and last thing in the day and more feeling sick than actually being sick. I am hoping the reduction in throwing up will have an effect on my blood pressure too.

Plastic :( I am so sorry that your DP has walked away from this. It makes me angry TBH, the injustice of it.

I am glad that you feel a bit less sick. Let us know what the doctor says about the BP x

Hi, sorry Ive not been on to update. My Bp has steadily climbed to the point that if its not gone down tomorrow Im facing medication. I have been completely resting where possible and thinking lowering thoughts. I am so stressed though, the sickness came back again Friday morning and I cant keep anything down :( my head is banging so much I can barely sleep. I cant wait for this to be all over now, I dont think I have ever felt quite so ill and I can't face much more

I am so sorry you are going through this..especially alone. Please take care of yourself, rest whenever you can. I wish I was more articulate, and able to offer better words of comfort and support. Please know we on MN will be thinking of you..xx

Plastic have you been to the Doc's today? Hopefully if they get your BP down you will feel better.

I know we can't help, buy like cynner says, you are in our thoughts x

Hi hun, yes went today. They gave me some anti sickness stuff, an injection then and there and some tablets to bring home. So I already feel better -a bit weird but so much better for being able to eat some real food. He is hoping that controlling the hyper whatsist (sickness) will naturally bring it down as I was so dehydrated I wasnt allowed to go home for ages and have lost 9lbs much to his concern. I dont mind I am a tad chunky so wont miss it.
But I must have looked bad as I had my head in a bowl in the waiting room and I was taken in 20 mins early.

I should sleep much better tonight for having eaten properly and drunk enough so hopefully the rest of this week will fly by and it will be over and done with.

oh that's good news. I hope the tablets keep working :)

Well its all done now - I would like to give my heartfelt thanks to everyone who supported me on this thread, especially Nagoo.

I am still very sore as I had some complications, not usual apparently but down to my history and the scarring. I ended up with a laproscopy to check out scarring from previous surgery - I have adhesion's. But I am fine, sore but fine. I feel better in myself and so much more relaxed. Bp is fine and the sickness has mostly gone Hurrah!!

The initial procedure was a bit scary, I bled a lot with the pessary whilst waiting to go down but the nurses where so kind and gentle with me. Even helping me clean up and dress etc. If anyone is going to go through this soon its really not so bad physically - its mostly in the mind. When they say the pain after is like period pains they are wrong tho, it was stronger and constant for me but once I had decent pain medication I was able to cope.

Thank you again everyone, it really helped me to deal with probably the worst time of my life Xxx

Plastic I am glad you have got to the end now

I am glad that you are feeling better. I have really felt for you, going through this and if we have been able to provide any comfort at all then I am glad x

You've been so brave plastic, I hope you're doing ok

Glad it's over, and hope you feel better soon.