Help

[Mama1980]

I don't know what to do or think. I found out I am pregnant yesterday I had ds now 4 following a car crash very prem at 26 weeks. We are both ok now but I have lingering back and leg issues and recently had my
Hips re pinned. This pregnancy is a complete shock I saw my gp today who confirmed I am about 6 weeks along. I also spoke with my consultant and he is extremely concerned that having a baby will do severe damage to my spine and legs it could even be dangerous with the operation pins and tissue still so raw as the baby grows. He says I need to think seriously about what I want to do from here, words like bleeding and paralysis were mentioned. I feel sick I was happy last night shocked but happy but now..... I don't even know what I'm asking I just need to write this down. Dp wants the baby but not at the expense of me and our life together. I can't discuss this in rl yet I haven't told anyone.

Sorry you need to sweetheart. Best wishes to you :)

Thanks again mrs de Vere and everyone else. I will be calling my dr at 8am. I'm not having a termination-I just can't do it. I'm going to wait for 12 weeks and then rethink depending in what the scan shows. If its not fair on the baby that's one thing but I can't put my health before my babies I just can't.......

Mama. You have to do what you feel is right.
I would never seek to advise someone on this
Which is why it's do hard isn't it? Only you can make the decision.

Please keep posting here if you need to. X

Yes it's the alone thing that's the worst even dp can't help bless him he's so upset. It's only me who has to be able to live with my decision. I just don't think I could if I didn't at least try. When I had my son I was screaming at them to save my baby I didn't care the cost, I have to give this baby the same chance call it instinct, love or whatever. Thanks for listening to me ramble x

You ramble on lovey. You are dealing eith do many uncertainties at the moment. No wonder you feel like you do.x

Ok so I've stopped my medication. I have a appointment Wednesday for my two dr s to discuss with me how to keep me pregnant as long as possible. Oh god I'm scared I still don't feel pregnant but I've seen the scan. Think the physical pain is pretty much masking every other symptom. One thing that did make me smile is my dr said he had already spoken to other colleagues he knew my decision before I did

Right. You have made the decision so can I suggest hypnobirthing?
Not for the birth but for the pregnancy.
I am no hippy earth mother but I really needed something to keep me calm during my last two pregnancies. I have PTSD
Medically related.
I had to do something and was amazed how much the hypno stuff helped.
I got some CDs.
It's not the answer to all the challenges you are facing but you really need to take care of yourself.
Being scared and in pain is not good for you.
I really think it can help (honestly I am as unearth mother as you can get )
Hope the appt. is positive. Everything crossed for you.

Thanks again. I hadn't even thought of anything like that but I will look into them. Do you mind me asking what cd s you used? Anything that might help. The pain is pretty much unavoidable I think but I am hopeful that I will feel better tomorrow once I have a better idea of what to expect. Dp had a bit of a panic attack today but I think he's ok, just worried he is coming with me tomorrow not sure if that is good or bad-I don't want him to worry too much daft I know but I don't want him to hurt because of what was ultimately my decision. Hate that that is unavoidable.

Hello.
I hope your appt is ok today.

I looked up hypno birthing on amazon and read the customer reviews. You might find one of mine on their because I thought the narrator sounded more menacing than relaxing AND I couldn't bring myself to believe a bloke telling me childbirth was not hurting much

Please try not to feel so responsible for everyone. Everyone else is important of course, but at you need to think about yourself.
X

Thanks mrs de Vere your comment made me smile genuinely I remember a male dr who when I had just had my son decided to inform me that a mans physical strength would have protected him better in the car crash -uh yes because you would not have been 6 months pregnant I don't think I could take a man seriously either. the appointment yesterday went ok basically the plan is pain (nothing can be dine about that) and bed rest (cant reallymove anyway) as much as possible if the 12 weeks scan looks good then they will put in a stitch and hope basically. The idea will be to keep me pregnant as long as possible but he doesn't think I will make it anywhere near to term. Once I have the baby they will then operate and try to repin everything again. The good bit is I had a long ultrasound and they think I am nearer to 8 weeks and I got to see little blob on the screen.

That does sound more positive :)
Are they referring you to the pain team?

There must be some analgesics you can take whilst preg. I know you can take co-codomal if it is managed and monitored but tail off towards the end of pg because of the risks it may suppress breathing.
This is NOT ADVICE of course. I am not telling what you can or should take.
But in my case it was ok.

Bed rest? I think you better learn to knit or day time telly will drive you bonkers

Hi yes they are referring me to the pain team tens machine is the suggestion at the moment. The more worrying thing is not being able to move and having to stop all exercises and physio. I can Make the bathroom just about but that's it. Thankfully I am near to completing a phd so I am spared daytime tv for now at least and I'm thinking I can knit everyone a jumper this year-I mean everyone even the neighbours can get stuck with one this year. I am just trying to focus on making it through the next few weeks as everything will depend on what the 12 weeks scan shows and any tests they want to do then on my motor strength and nerves etc. we have decided not to discuss anything else until then and not tell the children. My dd is coping well with having me laid up like this which is a huge relief she gets so afraid when I have to go into hospital but seems to be coping better and better. I keep saying this but thanks again for taking the time to reply.

It's no trouble!
You are being very strong but I guess you have had lots of practice at that.

I bet dd will quite like having mummy all ready for snuggles on the sofa.

I will be thinking about you so please update if you feel up to it. I predict a fair bit of mning even if you do have that phd to finish

I have no excuse. I am just hopelessly addicted

How you feeling?
:)

Hi thanks for checking in. The past few days have been tough, started feeling very nauseous as well which isn't fun but at least thats something that makes me feel pregnant iyswim? I above joined the due in April thread on here but tbh I feel very detached and out of place discussing baby things. I saw the consultant again today who was more positive this time and said we will be aiming to get me to 30 weeks pregnant anything more will depend on a lot of factors. That's the bit really scaring me I had to watch my son fight so so hard it's seems awful that my useless body might mean that this baby has to as well. I have another scan next week, they want to try to further pin point my dates as they thought i might be further along last time than should be possible if my dates are right, which I'm not sure about.......just so many variables. My do is still in a state of shock but we are getting there I think we've had to tell my dd as I was getting sick and scaring her. She seems to be doing good though, I hope, she's very clingy though I haven't been able to persuade her to go out with her friends,
Sorry that turned out to be quite a long update I'm just trying to focus on the next few weeks and not get carried away but then I stop to write or think and I can't help it my mind seems to be spinning in a thousand directions.

I don't have any experience of preemies but I am guessing it is a very stressful experience.
But remember that a managed cs at 30 weeks is a world away from an ecs at 26 weeks.
Your body isn't useless! Blimey it sounds like a pretty amazing body to have survived and made a baby!

They seem to be keeping a good eye on you and I am so pleased the consultant was positive.

I can relate to the shock and detachted part.
When I decided to have DC 5 I had no clue it would happen so quickly and was totally unprepared (how silly). With both Dc4&5 I felt detached because of losing DD. even though I didn't lose her as a baby I couldn't bring myself to believe that everything would be ok. It was like it was bound to go wrong.

Take care. Remember to meditate ommmmmm :)

Thanks yes that what the dr said about the c section so I'm just trying to think of that but it's hard. Ds needed numerous operations and was so sick until he was 8 months, then he walked at 11 so I never really felt like I had a baby iyswim we just skipped the whole baby stage with worry. I like you say just can't allow myself to believe yet, I can't be excited or even look forward. To About next weeks scan is all I can manage. Poor dp has never done the pregnancy thing before this is one shocking introduction he doesn't know whether he is coming or going.
I have googled some hypno birthing info I'm going to read today.
Again I'm very sorry about your daughter X

Hi just a quick update. I have been bleeding very badly I'm in hospital on bed rest but it seems to be me bleeding iykwim and not the baby -heart beat is strong and no sign of miscarriage. They have reassessed my dates after more scans and I'm due the 1 st of April. This is scary but were hanging in there.....

Thanks for the update mama
Sorry you are poorly

Do they know why you are bleeding?
I hope you are ok sweetheart x

Hi thanks they think it's my soft tissue tearing as my uterus swells - from the operation and damage, they can't do a lot of the tests they would normally do (xrays etc) but baby's ok so far....drs are being grim but I'm feeling much more connected to my baby after all the bleeding i had I was certain I'd miscarried - which perversely makes me feel better?! even if I can't do this at least the baby would know how much we wanted and loved it. If I get to 12 weeks they will put in a cervical stitch. Thanks for still listening to me x

You are doing so brilliantly and being wonderfully strong.
I hope things settle down. The first weeks involve a hell of a lot of weird stretching and ligament softening. I always get a lot of pain in the first few weeks (not comparable with you obviously)

How are your DP and DD doing?

Boo to grim doctors.

I hope you don't have to stay in too long but if you do don't forget your knitting :)

Boo to grim dr s indeed
Dd is doing ok I think they are coming in everyday, my son is home ed and dd doesn't start until tomorrow. She is very clingy but that isn't too unusual for her, she's also very excited about the baby which scares me you just want to protect them don't you? She's done so amazingly well after all she seen through and really is moving forward and had started behaving like a normal teenager she was so afraid for so long of messing up in case I sent her away but now she rows and sulks she knows she's stuck with me now. Its her birthday in a few weeks so i just hope i am well enoughtip do something special with her. I only hope this doesn't hurt her too much. Dp is doing ok well not really hes like a walking zombie we don't live together but he s basically moved in and is trying to run my life temporarily. They say I can try a wheelchair again on Friday last time it increased the blood loss so fingers crossed......

Blimey it all sounds very complex.
But been there, done that and it all becomes almost normal after a while.
I really hope it all settles down.
I know I keep saying that but I don't know wheat else to say! :)

Fingers crossed for wheelchair sucess tomorrow

Any luck with the wheelchair today?

Hi tbh it didn't go great my bp dipped again so I'm here for another few days at least. I can't really use my legs and very blunt dr told me yesterday that is only going to get worse as the baby grows. It's just that my body has had no time to heal. 12 week seems far away right now and I miss my baby s, dd was very upset yesterday and dp told me he thinks I'm crazy