Unplanned pregnancy - shocked, upset and feeling very stupid

[FlameoftheForest]

I'm so sorry if this seems insensitive to anyone but I need to talk.

I've just found out I'm 4 weeks' pg with a very unplanned number 3. DC are 4 and 2, and both DH and I were feeling that we were starting to come out of the early years wilderness. Neither of us wanted another child. In fact, I only realised just how much I don't want another child when I saw the pink line . The pressure on our relationship might be too great and, even leaving that aside, I don't feel I have the mental or emotional wherewithal for another child without seriously short changing my existing two. There are also a whole load of practical issues, which, while perhaps not insurmountable, would be very difficult to resolve.

So many emotions. And feel so stupid. So very stupid. We were only using condoms while we decided what long term contraception to go with (my periods have not long returned after DC2). I think I know when it happened: 2 days after my period finished. We thought there had been a mishap but, stupidly, I decided not to get the MAP because I thought I was in the safe zone. As I said: stupid.

I've already told DH and he's said he'll support me whatever I want to do and we'll talk about it tonight. I'm sure I already know what I want to do. But that doesn't make me feel any less stupid or ashamed. And I feel so sad and guilty, especially when I think about how happy I was to get + tests for my two existing DC.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. (BTW, I'm a pretty regular poster who has name changed because quite a few people know who I am on here.)

flame hope you are ok.

I'm in the same boat. Although DH & I would have liked to have 3, the reality is that we can't afford it. So I also spoke to the lovely Marie Stopes people & we're going for the surgical option next week (we live a long way away from the hospital, so thought it best to get it all done on one day). I feel much calmer since we made the decision so I am hoping it's the right one.

We had to work so hard (MCs, charting & lots of POAS) to get our two DC, it feels like I am being ungrateful to not have the third who was so easily conceived (one night of stupidity)

I keep telling myself this is the best choice I can make for my DC, a third would mean no holidays, no swimming lessons, no school trips etc. I would also be worried about that we wouldn't be able to give them the attention they deserve.

Be nice to yourself whilst you make this decision. My story is 2 dc close together (18 months apart) When they were 4 and 5 unplanned pregnancy. Felt utterly distraught and out of control. Mulling over all the options, felt like end of the world. Nature took the decision out of our hands and I had an early miscarriage at 6/7 weeks. To my utter astonishment I was grief stricken! I really mourned for my 'baby' and wondered, stupidly, if it had left me knowing it had been unwanted

We then went on to have a planned pregnancy and our third DC is like a gift. He has brought so much joy to all of us. He is universally adored by the entire family and worth every single missed holiday, day out etc.

I wish you both strength in making the decision, there is no magical 'right' answer. Be strong.

I had a surgical termination last year, after becoming pregnant with number 3. I have never regretted the decision to do this & my husband has now had a vasectomy so there's no going back!! The actual procedure was absolutely fine under ga, made dinner when I got home as hubby felt ill! Came home after an hour. Had no pain or heavy bleeding afterwards which I think made everything feel better emotionally - it wasn't on my mind all of the time. Although I don't regret it there have been those brief 'what if' moments but I know we made the right decision for our family & that's what's most important.

Wishing you all the best xx

Thank-you for sharing hungry. I'm going tomorrow. I know it's the right thing to do for the family, but am still upset about it. I hope I'm as ok afterwards with pain & bleeding as you were, it's my dad's birthday on Sunday and I have to endure a family get-together!

George26 - how did it go? I'm going through similar at the moment, hope you're ok x

helga the procedure itself went fine. I just had LA & while it was uncomfortable, it wasn't painful. I started bleeding after 4 days, but that hasn't been too bad.

I hope it all goes ok for you. x